jjoan

my father's psa level was 8 and i don't know what it was before. When I said he was going away for a couple of months he did and he went to Santo Domingo which is a third world country and does not have the medical care for people like we do in the U.S. He went and said he would go to the doctor's in May when he gets home. My big problem basically I think was with the secretary at the doctor's office when she told me straight out that if it was my father I wouldn't let him go and cancer is a very serious thing. I told her that first of all I can control what my father does and that does not mean that I don't love him but he is a grown man and then I let her know that I did know first hand how serious cancer can be since I just lost my mother 7 months ago to lung cancer. She was very rude and I am not sure that if I was my father that I would have cancelled my trip because I just wish that my mother had had the chance to go away for 4 months and forget about everything before treatment started. Maybe we all need to do that once in our lifetime.

I lost my mom in June of lc and we just found out that my father's prostate level is elevated. They want him to come in for a biopsy but they said his appointment is not until February, 2005. Well he is planning on going away for the winter this coming Wednesday and he will be home in May, 2005 (this is something he does every year for the past 15 years). He said when he comes home he will go and see the doctor and that he is only putting it off for another two months. I know with lc you can not put it off for 2 weeks never mind 2 months but I don't know about prostate. My father says because they won't see him until February that it won't make much of a difference one way or another until May. I don't think he will treat if it turns out to be cancer because of what happened with my mom and she did treat. I don't know how much more I can handle or how much more anyone in my family can handle but if anyone knows anything about prostate cancer I would sure like to hear some good news. I have read that it is usually a slow growing cancer and that once a man reaches the age of 69-70 it is up to them whether they even want to be tested since it is slow growing that the cancer may not ever affect them. Not sure and would love some information regarding this, if anyone has any.

Has anyone gone back to where their loved one was treated after they had passed to say thank you to the health care providers. It has been six months and I feel that I might be ready to walk back into the hospital and see her chemo nurse and doctors. We spoke after my mom passed away on the telephone but that was it. They were as shocked as we were that she had passed. I just feel the need to see them and say thank you because I feel that they probably gave us more time with her than if she didn't have treatment maybe we wouldn't got 8 months with her. Some places would have said it is too far gone and to go home and get your affairs in order but not MGH in Boston, they were all great right down to the parking attendants at the oncology unit of the hospital. Do many family members go back afterwards and said hi?

This is a subject that has been on my mind for quite some time now. My mom passed away from lc this past June and since then I have been very active about getting healthy and hopefully staying that way. I quit smoking and when I went to my primary I asked for chest x-ray just to be sure and at first she asked why and when I told her she understood. Lung cancer runs throughout my whole family so when they say it is not heriditary I tell them to tell my grandmother, aunt, another aunt and my mom all who have had lc. My doctor asked if I had a cough and I said no but she said if I said yes then the insurance company would have to pay for it instead of making it come out of my pocket so I said yes and she put it in her notes. I feel that why should I pay for it out of my pocket when in the long run it will save the insurance company alot of money by finding out sooner then later and I pay enough already every month on premiums. My chest x-ray was fine and my doctor feels that once a year may be too much but once every two years we will do an x-ray to be sure. I say everyone should get one and then mark your calendars for a reminder and to be sure to stay on top of it because my mother's oncologist said that she had lc long before it was diagnosed and maybe if she was diagnosed sooner then maybe I would have had my mother here yesterday for Thanksgiving.

Thank you so very much for replying, you will not ever know how it means to hear that for my mother's sake. Did you patient know what was happening or was the loss of blood so extreme that they were unaware because my mother apparently woke up and went into the bathroom but she was obviously bleeding before she left her bed and she died in the bathroom. I want to again thank you for your information.

From what I was told the bleeding was coming from the lungs and not the brain. They said if she was bleeding out it was from the lungs because the brain would not bleed out like she did. You all must think I am going crazy and at times I feel like I am especially now with the holidays. My mom has been gone since June 7, 2004 and I feel it is hitting me now really hard just like the first day and first hour. I think I am going to look into bereavement counselling and I think everyone would agree it would probably be the best thing I could do for myself. I have been taking care of myself physically lately by quitting smoking 4 weeks after my mom passed away and I have just received a clean x-ray and I just had the x-ray because I didn't want cancer to sneak up on my at my lowest point in time and now I have to get my mind in check also and be there for my kids which are the only thing that get me through the day, everyday. Thanks for listening.

Thank for responding and I guess my major is, is it instant death or do they suffer for a while. I am living with the thought that my mother was there for hours by herself and I don't want anyone to sugar coat it for me but I need to know. Thanks

Hi, thank you for responding. My mom only had radiation to her brain because they told us just two weeks before that the tumor was so small the radiation to her chest would not help and what she needed was more chemo. I was told that the tumor can grow just overnight and it probably grew into a blood vessel but we will never know as there was no autopsy done (thank god for some things).

I am not sure if I should ask this but here goes anyways. My mom who was the greatest mother in the world and still is even if she is not here in body as I am still learning from her everyday through my memories of her. Well here goes, my mom was diagnosed with lc in Oct, 2003 and when she passed away we were not aware that anything was going to happen. She had never spent a night in the hospital (thank god) and she was weak but okay, I guess. The night she died was the first night I went home after about a week of staying at her place because she had the stereotactic radiosurgery 5 days before she died. My nephew stayed with her and when he woke up in the morning he found her in the bathroom and she obviously hemorrhaged. I am sick with grief thinking of how long she must have been there by herself and I didn't even know that there was a chance of that happening. Does anyone know of this happening before. We were told 3 weeks before that the tumor in the lung was small and it was stable. I have not visited with her oncologists since she passed away as I have been unable to go near the hospital where she received treatment but I would like to see them again and thank them for everything they did for her and us. They probably gave us more time with her then what we would have had if she didn't get treatment. It was been almost 6 months and it feels like yesterday and we are dreading the holidays but if anyone can let me know of this happening and what exactly happened I would appreciate it. thank you.

I haven't written anything here for a while but have checked in quite often. My mom has been gone for almost 5 months now and it feels like yesterday at times and then it feels like I have seen her in years. I miss her so much and it hasn't gotten better just different. Has anyone who lost someone to this dreadful thing feel like it is just a matter of time before this ugly monster strikes again and on them. I feel that everytime I go to the doctor they are going to say cancer and it is probably because a month and half after my mom died that I went for a routine mammogram, which I had put off for the year that my mother was sick because my mind was set on her and I put everything else on the back burner, so I went for the test and they called me back for another mammogram because they thought they saw something well they had to do a biopsy, which was done about the same time my mom had hers last year and thankfully mine turned out fine and the biopsy was normal and nothing to be concerned with but it brought back the memories which I still have but even stronger and which put me in a depression. Since then I think everytime I find something on my body, it could be just a mark and I think maybe its cancer. Do these feelings seem normal and part of the process of grieving? I miss my mother so much and I don't know how the holidays will be but I do know that I have to put on a happy face for my children because they are aware that Nana will not be there so I have to try to make it happy for them. If anyone has experienced what I am feeling please let me know. Thanks

This is my first post to this site. But after reading some of the posts already here I thought it might be a good site to log on to. My mother passed away on 6/7/04 and yesterday it was a month and it felt like only a day went by. I don't know how I wake up very morning without her. She was my true best friend and the day she died was the first day of my life that I didn't actually verbally speak with her. The days now seem to go by but as soon as I remember that she is truly gone (I try to forget most of the time) my whole life seems to come crashing down at that very moment. My husband thinks I am going crazy or actually that I just need to see a doctor but I can't get out of my own way never mind actually confront what I am actually feeling. My mother had lung cancer but when she died we didn't know it was near the end. I say this because my mother never had a lot of pain, what pain she had was taken care of with Tylenol. Don't get me wrong, after reading some of the stories about the pain level, I feel that actually someone was watching out for her and decided that she needed to go to heaven before the pain began but because there wasn't alot of pain and she seemed to be doing okay, we didn't know it was close to the end. I did tell her everyday that I loved her and I was with her all the time but she did die at night by herself and from what we can tell she got out of bed coughing up blood and died in the bathroom. I didn't know this was a risk and I thought I had read almost everything I could about this awful disease. If I had known I would have been with her 24-7 from the first day that she was diagnosed. Could any tell me if this gets easier and I'm sure it doesn't get easier but when do you seek medical professional help and when is it just normal grieving. Thank you Joan