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kimmek

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Everything posted by kimmek

  1. Thank you both for the welcome! Dad is 70 and a previous smoker who quite about 10-12 yrs ago maybe longer. The Dx is NSC squamous cell, right now I cant think of the exact terminolgy but I know it is the exact kind my mom had. It is in both lungs with liver mets. He will start chemo Tuesday which I do not know the drugs (yet) and will do a MRI in 3 months. My largest concern at the moment is his place of treatment which is the VA hospital in Dallas. If anyone knows anything about them or has been t here PLEASE let me hear from you! I just can't seem to think that this is place to be for superior care. He loves the place and dr's but I have heard such horror stories. Another concern of mine is my dad is a daily beer drinker, I am sure also an alcoholic although I have never thought of him as such. He just like his beer. Im thinking he must have the liver of an elephant to have withstood the years of alcohol and now the cancer there. I will post more as soon as I can learn more. I hate not knowing all the answers and my Dad is just not a good advocate for himself and does not know to even ask to right questions. Thanks again!
  2. According to the forum my last log in was December 14, 2006, so it has been almsot 4 years now since I lost my Mom to LC, and now my father has been dx with the same. We just got the information yesterday,Stage 4 NSCLC. both lungs, liver and possibly shoulder mets. He will start chemo in 3 weeks and go from there. I was my moms sole caregiver and was with her every step of the way, this road with my Dad may be a different story has he is marreid and has a caregiver, but they are both totally lost and clueless so I will do my best to help where they will let me. I guess first I am curious as to the realistic outcome of this, I know its all terminal, but then again we are all terminal! How many survivors of stage 4 are out there? 1 year? 2 year? 3? I need to hear postive things especially so I can relate these to my Dad. I was totally surprised that he had even agreed to the chemo, so I want to encourage him but I dont want to give him any false hope either. I look forward to getting to know everyone again, and hopefully there are still some of my old friends around. I will hopefully be able to get my Dad's wife on board as well. Thanks Kim
  3. Its been almost 2 years I guess since i have posted. I have spent the most of this morning first trying to locate LCSC, and finally found you guys thru Lungevity. After reading theough a few posts and getting over the shock and sadness of those who are no longer with us I decided to go ahead and post and reintroduce myself. I lost my Mom in October of 2006, although she had lung cancer, it was in remission and not what finally got her, but since no autopsy was done, I will never know for sure, but I think her heart finally just got tired. I am so very thnakful her cancer never came back and she did not have to experience anything horrible, for her to just go quityl in her sleep was such a blessing. I dont have alot to offer these days in form of help, but I have been a caregiver to my dearest friend in the world and know what it is like to walk, sometimes run in those shoes so if I can ever be of help to anyone I am going to do my best to try to check in regularly and get caught back up with things and people. As for me, I have spent the last 2 years taking clasess at my local jr college to get me in to a surgical assistant program. At first I started out wanting to be a nurse but after a few classes and seeing the things that interested me, I decided to go a dfferent route. I was accepted into a surgical assistant program which I start in August and should be done and working next to a sugreon a year from now. Not bad for a 46 year old lady!!. Sometimes I have to pinch myslef to believe all this has happened just since I lost my Mom and son. I know they are both watching over me and pushing me everyday and are so very proud. I look forward to getting to know the new members and hopefully catching up with some of the old ones. Have a blessed day! Kim
  4. Can you run them to the doctor for a check? Just to make sure they are not contagious or anything, maybe get them some meds if needed? I am sure it will all work out and all will be finem but understand your concern. Have a great trip. Kim
  5. I have always had colors and bright cute things for my 3 kids. Last year I decided it was time to change.I only had 1 chld left at home and we both wanted a different theme. We bought a new tree that was prelit with clear lights and added 2 strands of blue to it and all the decorations are clear.silver and blue. It is beautful, almost elegant. I wanted to changed my clear outdoor icicle(sp) lights to blue ones, but just didnt have the desire to even put the outdoor lights up this year. Maybe I will catch them on sale after Christmas. Merry Christmas Everyone!!
  6. Hi Sharyn You most certainly have my prayers. I can understand your anger at your hubby but I can see where he is coming from as well. He doesnt want to worry you which is normal, but he doesnt realize how much he needs you to be by his side. Your faith in God will carry you through these next days and please know you are in my thoughts. Love Kim
  7. kimmek

    The Blame Game

    Well a week has passed, and I am still a smoker although I have dramatically cut back. I have found that if I keep my cigarettes in another room that I will not get up and go get them and the thought passes. Especially sitting here and working I cannot just get off the phone/computer and run in my room to get them. So when I get ready for my 4 hours of work I bring me 4 cigarettes to my desk. I have made my 3 packs of cigarettes I bought last Thursday last until today, Ihave 3 left as of right now. I am happy with my progress, and plan to continue with the one an hour another week, as I really think I am amoking even less than that, I am going to start a log today so I can better track when I am smoking. Noramlly I dont like to go eat at places I cannot smoke, and yesterday I took my daughter and her boyfriend to lunch, and I picked the place and it was a non smoking resturant. I had no trouble not smoking after eating, its just such a habit, and then I cannot smoke in the car with Lindsey so it was another 20 minutes or so before i smoked, so overall we started with an hour at Petsmart and the Vet, then lunch, so about 3 hours during the day and no cigarette. I was proud of myself. I have still told no one what I am doing, and am just hoping my daughter catches on without me having to tell her. Bill? Any luck? No worries if not, I am just thankful for your idea and everyones encouragement. Although i feel I was sucessful this week I am by no means ready to quit all together, but I am looking at the 1st of the year as thats always a good time. Noramlly I stay as far away from New Years resolutions as I can, but maybe this year I will make one... Have a good week everyone Kim
  8. kimmek

    The Blame Game

    Well...SO far so, I wont say good, but acceptable. I think there have been a few times I smoked more than one an hour, and actually a few more times that I didnt smoke one at all during the hour. My biggest problem lies in that fact that I am now working from home sitting here at the computer for 4 hours straight. I am happy nonetheless with my progress. Another difficult spot for me is in the car. My daughter forbids me to smoke on the drive to school as she doesnt want to smell like smoke and I dont blame her, so I am trying to completely eliminate the car smoking, not just when she is with me. I have told no one other than you guys what I am trying to do, I guess I think if I dont tell then I cant fail, as no one will know the difference. ALso I normally buy my cigarettes 2 cartons at a time, and it was time to restock yesterday and although the cost is greater I just bought 3 packs. I still have not been able to come up with a begin time, I just start from the hour I get up. Giving up that first smoke in the morning will be the most difficult. I hope Bill you have been able to achieve some success as well. I think that any amount you smoke that is less than before is success. Keep on and dont give up, thats what I keep telling myself. Just because I mess up one hour I am not going to just quit trying. Have a good day all Kim
  9. kimmek

    The Blame Game

    Well I got off to a roaring start. Woke up as usual about 430am and began my day as normal, and not a hour and half later I am sitting here and remember I was going to taper my smoking starting this morning. How could I have forgotten something that I was so excited to start? UGG, I am not going to use this as an excuse to not do it, but starting right now at 6am I am going to go with one smoke an hour. So, yes I am going to light one now and get it in under the mark, I have 4 minutes...Good luck to you Bill Kim PS..Its kinda funny when I see people talking about Bill and Kim, as Bill is my brothers name and I have seen Bill and Kim all my life.
  10. kimmek

    The Blame Game

    Bill Thanks for the writing advise and it certainly gave me a new perspective. Maybe one day that too will present itself to me as the time to write. I am all ready to begin tomorow but as I said before the 9am thing is going to be my downfall, and knowing that upfront I am either going to change my start time to earlier in the morning, or even just to smoke a cigarette an hour is less than I am smoking now. I smoke about a pack and half a day, which is down about a pack over say 2 years ago. I need to set a goal that is attainable, so that I will feel as I have accompished something. You know kinda like the dieting, if you see results even if only a pound or 2 you are more apt to continue on. I am still debating on the patch. After hearing that most all saw no results with them, I am not as sure now. ALthough that new drug Chantix looked very promising , although not alot of information out on it yet. I am going to call my doctor in the morning and see what he thinks. I have no troubles admitting my failures if it all doesnt work, but for someone who as never made any sort of effort to quit, this is a huge step for me, and I know that relapsing one hour and smoking 2 is not going cause me to throw it all away. I am going to do this. I dont know what it was in your posts that has so drawn me in, I looked forward to trying this with you and wish you the very best of luck. I will be checking in as often as I can throughout the week. Kim
  11. kimmek

    The Blame Game

    ABSOLUTLY!!!! I honestly think I am at the point that I could give this a valid try. I have always done better at things when I had to be accountable for my actions. I think your plan sounds right up my alley. I have thought many times in recent weeks to just throw em out the window. My mom said that worked beautifully when I was a child and my parents tossed my bottle and pacifier out the window going down the road. Actually I think the story went, the bottle was thrown out the window, but the pacifer went down the toilet. But in my little mind I knew they were gone. I think my mind is a bit smarter these days and just dont think tossing them out the window will ensure my success. I have contemplated the patch, and still think that may be of help to me, as I want all the help I can get. Most of all though I do believe my mind is ready for this challenge, the time as come. I have just reread your post to get a better idea of your game plan, and realize you have already begun this challenge and will be starting day 2 today. I will begin on Monday (tomorrow). I think your plan sounds like an excellent idea as I did not see the words "Cold Turkey" mentioned. ALthough for myself I know that to not have my first smoke of the day until 9am would cause me to fail the first day. My days begin very early, 330am usually. And the fact that I am starting a new job on Tuesday which entails me working from home and on the computer for the first 4-5 hrs of my day, I am going to revise the times to fit my schedule better and to again give me a better chance at success. I would love to see more join in, after all the more the merrier. Maybe we should start a new thread for us to post and for others to watch our sucess. AS far as wanting to know if you had published anything, you are so right about that being just the natural question when finding out someone writes, sings, whatever...I just love to read, and my deep down secret dream is to write a book myself. When I was in high school I just assumed I would go on to college and major in Journalism, I had never really though of doing anything else. In my Sophmore yr I was on the HS newspaper, and my first "big" printed article in the paper was a interview I did with the first female pilot for Ammrican Airlines. I thought I did an awesome job, as did everyone else (famly and friends really) My teacher though felt a bit different,I will never forget her words...."you do not have what it takes to be a writer"......those few words stuck with me forever and I never persued that dream. The dream is still there, but I am smart enough to know that I just don't have that "way with words". I still have my story to tell though and who knows maybe someday I will find the time to take a class on writing. Back to the smoking issue...Anyone else ready to give it a go?
  12. kimmek

    The Blame Game

    Hi Bill I do not know you, and actully your post is one of the first I have read after a long absence from this board. I felt compelled to respond first because even after watching my Mom suffer thru lung cancer and Copd I still stepped outside and smoked a cigarette while caring for her. Knowing that it was breaking her heart that her child could one day end up just as she was. It wasnt enough to make me quit. My youngest child despises smoking, always has, just last week she send me a text message telling me all she wants for Christmas is for me to quit smoking. You have to know a bit about her in that she has lost her father 10 yrs ago, her very dearest aunt in the world, 4 yrs ago, her brother 4 months ago and now her grandmother last month. I am sure she thinks constantly that I too am going to be taken from her next and then she truly will be alone. Is that enough for me? I dont know. It is enough that I am going to try. Do I want to quit? I dont think so, I am not sure, I think sometimes I have never tried to quit as I am afraid of failing at it. I have failed at so many things in life, I just never wanted this to be another thing Kim couldnt do. I am a smoker, always have been. Not proud of it, and wish I wasnt. but as you so aptly put it..It is what it is....a saying I have come to use often in the recent deaths of my son and mother as no other words fit so well. I look forward to reading more of your posts and also am wondering as someone else was, is there anything published of yours that we might put our hands on and read? God bless Kim
  13. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for eveyone's kind words. You have made me cry tears of happiness. I put on the "I'm Ok" clothes everyday and try to smile and be happy, but sometimes you need to let the tears flow and that has been vey difficult for me, but not when reading all your wonderful posts. Thank you. Its hard to remember I am not alone, that people do care, and I thank you for showing me that. School has absolutley been my savior. I will continue for as long as I can, I know I want to go into nursing but there seems to be so much more I want as well, I know I want to work with lung cancer patients. My moms doctor told me when I got finished she would have a job for me. I thought that was pretty neat as it was her that really convinced me to go to school. Mom had the best doctors and they and their nurses truly became my friends. I have found that to be one of the most difficult things to get used to, not having to go to doctor visits. I miss the people I came to know so well. I didnt realize until this morning sitting her at 3am that I have missed you guys as well. I have so much catching up to do so bear with me. Again thank you for everything. Love Kim
  14. To all the WONDERFUL people at LCHELP. I have been away far far too long, but knew when I came back I would just be overwhelmed with the news I was sure to find, so I just stayed away. First on August 8th my son died of an accidental overdose. He had been in the Behavioral Health hospital here in Tyler for depression and suicidal thoughts. He was dismissed from there one day at 2pm being told by the doctor to go home and "deal with it". We first went to my mom's to see her and I am guessing while there he took some of her Oxycontin and along with the Xanax the dr had perscribed him he took them both later that night. He had come to my room about 1am, talking and happy, looking forward to tomorrow and getting himself help elsewhere. He laid on my bed to wait for the shower as his sister was in it. He immediatly fell asleep, breathing really loud and weird. Having never slept with him before I thought it was just the way he snored. I got up with my pillow knowing I coulnt sleep with that noise and went to the living room. About 5am I got up to go to moms as I did everyday and never even turned the light on as I didnt want to wake him. I do not recall him "snoring" at that time, although I think I remember hearing him. I went on to Moms and went about my day and went to work ( I was working p/t for Meals on Wheels)When I came home about noon and walked in to my room, he was in the exact position he was in when he laid down and I immediatly "knew". The thing Ihad always wondered how I would deal with was Jason being able to deal with my Mom's death when that day came. They were extremely close, I have actually never seen a grandmother love a grandchild in the way they shared. Telling her that he died was absolutly the worst thing I have ever had to do, I had to all an ambulance when I told her as she wouldnt breath. It never occured to me that it would end up the other way around, with me trying tohelp her deal with his death. ALthough Mom's cancer had never returned, her days were filled with living in end stage COPD. I cared for her daily along with home health nurses. I truly thought she was medically doing better, but she really never recovered after my sons death. I think she tried to be strong for me as I did the same for her. The weird thing was that although Mom called me on a average of 10 times a day everyday, she never called inthe middle of the night, as she knew I had horrible sleep habits and never wanted to take a chance waking me. We argued about that many times as it didnt matter what time it was if she needed something. The night/morning she died she called me at 130am. She had been pretty confused that previous 2 weeks ro so as to the times and days. Even doubling up on her meds, thinking it was time to take them, when in fact she already had. I just watched that area closer and chalked it all up to grief. Anyway at 130 she calls and wanted to know what time it is, I tell her and she is like I know, but is it morning or afternoon? I was lIke mom its dark out...kinda laughing. We talked a bit and she seemed fine and alert, and even expressed an interest ingetting out and going to a garage sale the next moening with me. MInd you she had been nowhere other than doctors in well over a year. But she had really been feeling better. So we hung up witht he plan of me going over as I did every morning and helping her get a bath and going to the garage sale. I didnt bother calling her that morning as was normal as well, since she knew I was coming early, even stopping at Walgreens for some nice lotion and bath stuff for her. When I arrive about 830, I walk in and again "knew". She was in her recliner where she lived pretty much the last 4 months as getting in and out of bed was just difficult as well as trying to breath in a laying down position. I know she had been up as the butter was out where she had made toast and her morning meds were taken. I am not sure if this was something she did at 130am or if she woke about 5 or so which was normal for her to do, She would get up then and take her meds, insulin etc and go back to sleep till I got there. This way her meds had a chance to start working and she felt better when it was time to get up. Her oxygen had come off her nose, but I dont know if that happened before or after. The day before she had mentioned her blood sugar was really low but she said it was better. She alaways had high blood sugar. I dont know, I didnt have an autopsy done as I figured she was finally at peace and with Jason where she wanted to be. She was no longer gasping for breath or dependent on me for everything. The paramedics thought she had been dead a couple of hours, so the 5am scenerio fits. I have no regrets. I know I gave her the best 2 1/2 yrs of my life caring for her. I know there was nothing else I could have done to make her life better. I honestly think though she died of a broken heart, her will to live left when Jason did. Thats ok, I can live with that knowing they are forever together. One other thing that has happened to me, but this is a good thing. I had started college in August. I started right after Jason died but he was my biggest supporter besides my mom and I knew he wouldnt have wanted me to put it off, so I began. Somehow thru all this I have managed to only miss one afternoon which was the day before Moms funeral and I am passing all my classes, which amazes me, I have been very grateful to have had school to keep me occupied and busy. I know how proud my Mom was of me and she is watching over me so I will finish and become the nurse she dreamed of me being. I am sorry this was so long, it wasnt my intention to write a book when I sat down, but this is the first time I have even talked at length about all this to anyone, so I guess it was something I needed to get out. One other quick thing. When Jason died he was cremated and not knowing what to "do" I had decided I wanted to have him buried withmy mom whenever her time came. I knew she wanted to be cremated as well. She knew my plans and was very happy with them. Sometimes I think she was just in a hurry to get to Jason as she knew they would be together. Anyway their remains are buried together in beautiful spot under a tree really close to where her father is buried. I knew I would need a place to go and didnt want thier ashes scattered. I am having a beautiful marker made that seperates the 2, but yet together. I was so happy to be able to do this, and even more happy that all my small family had no problem with it. Anyone who knew my Mom or my son knew how they felt about each other. Its this thought alone, that they are together that gets me through every day and the fact I have no regrets. Even with Jason I was doing everything within my power to get him the help he needed. I know he didnt take those pills with the intention of not waking up. That was something we had even discussed, as my husband comitted suicide and he would never have put me thru that horror again. Thanks for listening and to all who remember me, I again apoligize for kinda dropping off the face of the earth. Now I must go and try to catch up, which will be hard as I have already seen way to many names of people I cared about that have passed on. May god bless us all Kim
  15. Hi Laurel and Welcome! I just wanted to throw in my two cents, please get anoher opinion, that is if your Mom wishes to try to beat this. If she is happy with the prognosis that the doctor gave her then enjoy what time you do have left with her, but I have never heard of a stage 111b, being a death sentence like that. My mom was the same stage and 2 yrs later she is still here cancer free, although the emphezema does cause my mom trouble. Just the fact that the doctor would say something like that would send me running for another doctor. Good luck in what ever your mom does and please keep us posted. Again welcome! Love Kim
  16. This is great, and Readers Digest is my FAVORITE magazine, I have been a faithful reader my entire life. Something about sotries that appar in that magazine...they really do reach people. They certainly picked the right person for the interview as well, congrats!! I will be awaiting my July issue to arrive. Kim
  17. No movement here, and I have tried it like 3 different times, bummer I wanna see it move. KIM
  18. Shop, shop and then some more shopping. Nine times out of ten though after the feeling passes I load my purchases up and return them. They know me well at Walmart. I used to laugh at my grandma when right after my grandfather died she started shopping too, something I had never known her to do as they were very frugal people. At one time she was even banned for 6 months from returning things to Walmart. I think though that was becasue she never kept up with her receipts. Today she is back to being as frugal as ever. My youngest daughter loves it though as she normally benefits from these shopping trips. Reading also seem to help me get my mind off f whatever it is. Something Ihave never read were those gossip magazines about Hollywood, now I am addicted to them. I buy every one of the 6 weeklies that come out (People, US, Star, In Touch, Life and Style.umm there is one more.....)Rightnow I am also reading the new unauthorized autobiography of Barbra Streisand. Very good, if anyone is a fan. One other thing I have been doing is going to a indoor tanning salon. I have never done this before as I truly believe it probably isnt the best thing to do, But I love it. I love the tan, it has made me feel sooooo much better about myself, my skin has become so very soft. But i think the main thing I like is, it gives me 20 minutes a day that no one can bother me, Nobody yelling "mom" or "kim", phone not ringing (or I cannot hear it if it does), 20 minutes of peace and quite. It has been the best 30 dollars a month I have ever spent. All in all though I am as stressed out as ever, so nothing I do truly works. Kim
  19. Lisa..It is so very good to hear from you. It just doesnt seem possible that it has been 16 months since Ahmed's death. Im sure it seems like a lifetime to you. You have been through so very much, and I think I would be upset as well with the move and family situation. I am glad you are trying to get a job again, that should help, getting out and meeting new people in a new town. Is it this coming up summer that you are going to Florida or was it last summer? Got kinda confused there, but either way you have MUCH to be proud of in your son. Its good that he had some time off, but is getting back into things. I have found that is the worst thing in the world to do...sit around and do nothing. When my hubby died 10 yrs ago, I pretty much lived in my bedroom for 3 yrs and let my mom take over, anything i could get her to do so I wouldnt have too. She shopped, took care of my kids, everything. Looking back now I cannot believe I actually lived like that for so long. It was not healthy for me, and I am so glad that I finaly realized this and got a job and started living life again. I also got on anti-depressants which helped so much, and i still take them today. Take it one step at a time, and you will find it really truly does get easier. Take care Kim
  20. My Mom experienced neuropathy(sp) after her chemo, but now she also has it from becoming diabetic. Her physical therapist who comes to her house has been trying a fairly new procedure on her. It is called Anodyne Therapy. It works, really well, but the only catch is it does not work forever, you must continue the treatments. So we would have to purchase the machine(after medicare and insurance its still about 500.00). If you google it there is some info on it, more than i can give anyway. I think moms initial treatment was 6 weeks and then they may have approved another 6 weeks, but no more now. It helped enough though that now that Mom is not having it done, she can really tell the difference and is considering buying one. Good luck and hope you can find a solution soon Kim
  21. kimmek

    leg swelling

    My Mom too suffers from this. I did find out recenty that a newer med she was taking was causing leg swelling,(a known side effect, but neither the doc nor pharmacist was aware, I had to bring it to their attention), but when the med was stopped her swelling now only happens a few times a month maybe. She takes 80mg of lasix per day, then we double that if she has swelling. The doctors have said if her legs are swelling then she is retaining fluid in others areas of her body as well. Meaning the lungs/heart.chest area. She had leg swelling before the new med just not as bad, and no doctor out of all hers could ever give an answer as to why other than her diet/salt intake. I hope your Dad finds the answer soon and gets some relief. Kim PS. The drug was Avandia, taken for Diabeties. And it was working very nicely controlling her blood sugar too.
  22. Hi Darrell, I too am one who knows not much about small cell, but just wanted to take a moment and welcome you to our family. You will find many many here who do know exactly what you are going thru and they will be here, and be happy to hopefully answer any question, fears you might have. Again Welcome!! Kim
  23. Hi there!! So glad to see you are back home. Things will slowly start falling back in place for you, all sorts of new things with the baby will help you thru these days ahead. Please keep in touch kim
  24. Lori This is wonderful news to wake up too this morning. I pray for a quick recovery for your mama, and that you have her back with you in no time!!! This is great Kim
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