MaryP

Thank you to all who replied and for the kind words and the understanding. It has been most difficult going through this. I found this board via a link on the board I had been posting on since last April. The mod's there deleted the link but I got it before they did thank God. I feel for a support board that is not right...we were not even allowed to exhange e-mail addy's and one of the lady's there - her husband passed recently and her husband and my husband had the same doctor and went to the same Cancer Treatment Center. We had to get messages to each other through the hospital - that is just sad that a place is that insecure that they deleted ANY posts w/e-mail addy's and other lung cancer message boards. Life is too short for that...this is a tough illness to have and it is hard on those of us who are the caregivers. I tell my husband that his cancer affects not just him, but it affects me and the children and the entire family - all who love him. We hurt too...but no where near his pain I realize. Today we had a scare...my husband had his chemo two days ago and he woke up w/a swollen neck and shoulder. It is on the side the originating tumor is on - he went to the doctor and had an x-ray and found out he has wax buildup inside his ear and a lymph node infection - a "bad infection" they told him...? I never heard of any such infection before, has anyone else? He is on Augmentin {sp?} and if he gets a fever they will admit him. He has been sleeping since he got home. He is tired and rundown from chemo...it hits him the second to the fourth day - that is when the fatigue set in. He is on a break for two weeks and then he gets his CAT scan and we find out how he is responding to Gemzar. I thought his scan was this week but I was wrong...it is in two weeks - this week was chemo as last week his white cell count was too off for it. WOW...I am having a hard time w/this tonight. I was so shaken from the scare we had today. This is a day to day battle. I recently started Paxil to cope. I have GAD/panic disorder anyway and this just made me agoaphobic and so now I want to get my life back so I can leave the house and live and let him know I am going to be OK....he worries about me and I don't need him to have such worry. Sorry so long, thank you ALL for the replies. Take care, ~ Mary

Hi, What a great board! I wish I had found this sooner. My husband was DX w/stage four NSCLC in April 2002. He went in for pnemonia and came out w/the DX of stage four lung cancer - it spread to his brain, his heart sacs, his lungs' pleura, his adrenal gland, and his lymph nodes near the originating lung tumor. It was bad enough finding out he had CANCER, let alone STAGE FOUR. I had gone from shock to disbelief to despair to hopeful and I have come to an acceptance level emotionally, and it is so hard. We have two children, ages 16 and 14. My husband is 48 and I am 35. We owned a home and he worked full time making a very good living - well that all has changed. He had to quit working for radiation and chemo and the ill effects he suffered from radiation and chemo and he went on SSD, Medicaid, and food stamps. It was quite embarrassing at first, however, he was a HARD worker his entire life - since he was a young boy - so this is HIS money he put into Social Security and the government, this is how we choose to view it. We had to sell our home and rent an apartment...that broke our hearts...but, we have food, shelter, clothing and all we NEED...and we have all the material things we aquired over the years to comfort us and give us the sense of "home"...even in the apartment. It is a very large apartment - that helps but it is not the same as my four bedroom house was. Oh well...such is life. Anyway...I am worried as the STATS are NOT good for stage four NSCLC but my husband has repsonded to treatment very well. He gets another CAT SCAN Tuesday and currently he is on Gemzar. He has not been able to follow the schedule due to his white cell count dropping so frequently, so I must wonder if the cancer is growing again, spreading more, etc. I guess we will know soon enough. He did have a brief (6 week) remission in the Fall...that was WONDERFUL. We were able to "forget the cancer" for those six glorious weeks and "get back to normal", or as "normal" as we could. My husband tires easily, he is pale, yet he is not too thin - he eats well and he drinks Ensure or Boost. He gets a shot of Procrit every few weeks (I think it is every few weeks). His oncologist is a bit too "laid back" for my liking. I suggested the Procrit and now he is giving it to my husband. Had I not suggested it I wonder if it would have even been offered...and he goes to the Ireland Cancer Center here in Middleburg Hts., Ohio...it is one of the best for cancer. Well I just wanted to introduce myself and give a background on our situation. We choose hope and we believe miracles happen. Take care,