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Kel M

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  1. Kel M

    John

    Please accept my deepest sympathies. Peace be with you and yours. Kel
  2. Kel M

    Two Years

    Thinking of you, Val, and sending a big hug your way. Kel
  3. Sending out prayers and good thoughts to the both of you. Kel
  4. Happy Birthday Katie! You're a terrific person and you deserve much joy. Kel
  5. Kel M

    The Struggle

    Don - I continue to be grateful to you for your support during my own difficult times. I followed all of your posts with greatest interest and always felt that your love for Lucie transcended the words posted over the internet. I wish you every happiness and much success as you embark on this next journey. All my best. Kel
  6. Kel M

    Two Years

    Hi all, I find myself on the eve of the second anniversary of Mom's death and I can hardly believe that two years ago I was keeping vigil over her wondering when her suffering would end. I remember trying to sleep beside her bed and listening for every change in her breathing. It was a long, long night - but boy, what I would give to just hear her breathe again!! Like most people, I've found a way to cope and to be happy again. I guess it's become about re-building my life while acknowledging that a very major piece of the puzzle is missing. It can be beautiful and meaningful, but it does feel different. Boy, does it ever. I miss her ever so much. I also want to thank those of you who supported when I most needed it. I continue to be grateful to you for your wise counsel and your words of encouragement. I lurk on this site regularly and though I post only occasionally, I send you all my love and prayers. This disease can, and will, be beaten. Kel
  7. Val, Just want to echo what so many others have written. You are a kind, loving and mature woman. You handled the situation with respect and courtesy for your Dad's wife and you stayed true to yourself and your feelings. Good on 'ya. Enjoy this special time. Kel
  8. I can totally relate to what you've written in your post. When I was searching out literature at book stores after Mom's death, I did notice an absence of information/resources for younger adults having lost a parent. Even Ms. Edelman's book Motherless Daughters focusses more on young girls and teenagers rather than those of us who were a little older or significantly older than that. I can tell you it did make me feel lonely to read it at the time. I can also say that being in this age group (in my case my late 20s) did present some pretty specific challenges. At the forefront was my desire to be a child (ie. a desire to regress) and the realization that I couldn't - that I had responsibilities, planning to do, etc... I'm sure that's not a unique feeling, but I think I felt it more keenly because of my age. I also have been struggling with getting engaged without Mom, being married without her and then birthing kids without her wise counsel. I'll get through it - like everyone else does - but I am feeling the loss rather keenly. A sense of being orphaned, I guess. I'd love to read what anyone else has to say. Great post! Kel
  9. Hi Katie, First, I want to send a big hug your way. You've been through so much and even in your grief, you're remarkable. Second, I can speak to tensions with siblings. I only have one brother, but I can tell you that we dealt with Mom dying and her death very, very differently. My brother often stayed away while Mom was in palliative care. I used to resent the hell out of him - not because I didn't want to spend a lot of time with Mom - but because he was sticking his head in the sand and living in a world of denial. I can remember that when I would gently prod him to visit in light of Mom's imminent death, he would say "who made you doctor? how do you know she is going to die soon?" When Mom died my brother lashed out in a big way. He attacked everyone around him. He said some incredibly hurtful stuff to everyone and he behaved in a manner that I still cringe at almost two years later. He also began to drink heavily, started smoking again, put on about 75 pounds and just let himself go. It was frightening to witness and he rejected any and all help that was offered to him despite sharing his daily dramas with me. In that time (and for my own self-preservation), I learned that I had to get strong before I could do anything for him. I also had to be strong in order to accept that he might not want my help and support. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that he was entitled to grieve in his way and destroy himself if he chose to do so. I made the conscious decision to take a step back and decided to let him come to me if he needed the help. I was tired of living in a bad soap opera, so to speak. I'm working hard to let go of my anger, too. It's a day-by-day kind of thing, this healing journey. Have you considered keeping a journal? I began to write a journal of my less-than-savoury thoughts after Mom died. I found it helpful to just blast my thoughts onto a piece of paper. Katie, you were the light in your parent's lives. I hope that sustains you through this difficult time. Give yourself time to work through your pain and anger. It will allow you to re-gain the perspective you need to confront ongoing family issues. All my best. Kel P.S. My brother is doing much better and we're working on our relationship now, too. One day at a time!
  10. My deepest sympathies to you and your family, Katie. Your beautiful Mom leaves a rich legacy in her children and grandchildren. Keeping you close in thought and prayer. Kel
  11. Continued prayers for you all. Kel
  12. Katie, My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom, you and your extended family. Hang in there! Kel
  13. Renzo, While my Mom's death was quite peaceful, there can be unforeseen complications, too. My Mom was hemorraghing in the week before she was dying. It came out as what appeared to be a very loose stool, but was in fact, blood. We kept giving her blood transfusions as the Doctor indicated that she might have an infection. While this was difficult to handle, the doctors and nurses were very professional in their handling of things and eased our fears. One thing that you should be aware of with cancer is that a pulmonary embolism is possible at the end of life. We were quite unprepared for it and I have to say that I absolutely panicked when I saw the blood. The nurses bring in a red towel to help absorb it and so that it is less distressful to the family. We were also assured that my Mom was quite beyond awareness by that time, so while a painful experience for us, it was quite peaceful for Mom. As the hours went on, we kept the room very quiet other than to murmur sweet nothings to Mom. My brother and I both heard the cadence of her breathing change, signalling shallower breaths and stayed with her until the last involuntary breaths where the body is ensentially clearing itself of air. It was quite peaceful and in its own way, beautiful, too. I wish your Mom, you and your family God's comfort at this difficult time. Peace be with you all.
  14. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. Happy Thanksgiving. Kel
  15. Va;, I just wanted to wish you a good Thanksgiving and to let you know that I am thinking about you. I know it will not be an easy one for you and your family. Kel
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