babesdaughter

and a Jimmy Buffett quote in your sig line...... Oh, you'll be fine......listen to "Pacing the Cage" and "Coast of Carolina"...... from Coast of Carolina..... "the walls that won't come down we can decorate or climb or find some way to get around....'cause I'm still on your side" She's still on your side......promise.

I haven't logged in to lcsc for quite a while....and I click on my bookmark quite by accident tonight....but logged in anyway to poke around...and it dawned on me.....it's July 7th....which was the day my Mom was diagnosed with NSCLC.....wow. I'm still grieving her loss....I don't think that ends, but I do want to give hope to those in the beginning of this journey....it gets better...it becomes less acute, and the moments of joy will far outnumber the moments of sadness. You will be able to look at the life of your loved one with JOY...and thank God for allowing you have them for as long as you did. For me, it didn't get better by itself....the old saying "time heals" is CRAP....what heals is a matter of what you DO with the time. I've been through grief recovery and have followed up with counseling.....I went through a deep sadness for quite a while, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you reach that light, you will feel the arm of your loved one on your shoulder...you will feel the warmth of their smile because they WANT us to be happy again....our joy is their joy... Take are of yourselves......and thank you again for being with me through such a powerful time in my life.....and thanks for popping in in such a 'mysterious' way tonight!

I have to say, that if it had not been for the incredible hospice team that we had when my Mom was dying, I don't know if I would have made it. I know I am a better person for having worked with them and watched them care for my Mom. We were fortunate to have a case manager that really listened....if I didn't like the way a cna treated my Mom, she didn't come back.....if I had questions about meds or whatever, they found or had the answers....the nurse and social worker totally prepared my Mom for every step of the journey. I'm sure things were still frightening for her, but they were not unexpected. I remember the night before she died, I was trying to help her on to the commode and her legs were just like jelly....she just looked at me and said, "Kim (the nurse) said this would happen." It was very matter of fact and just part of it....she knew it was coming. The aftercare was probably one of the most important things for me, too....I went through the grief recovery group with my daughter and it was such a healing process. I think the most important thing is to make sure they know what you want, what you expect, what you are feeling....communication is absolutely critical.

My sincere condolences, Janice....to you and your family. I'm sure the time you spent with your Dad, the gift you gave him of your honesty, helped make his journey a more peaceful one.

My Mom died at my home and it is still a fun and happy place....caring for her and having her in my home until her last second was an incredible honor. We don't think of it where Mom/Grandma died....we think of it as the place we take care of FAMILY! It's a very personal decision, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.....I hope when my time comes, I have family that will do that for me. You're headed into uncharted waters....it's different for everyone. Follow your instincts, talk to your hospice workers....be patient with yourself, be patient with your Dad....demand nothing but the best from your hospice workers. With my Mom, I felt the same way you do....just wanting to cry all of the time. I finally just broke down....cried, sobbed...begged her to stay. We got through it....and then honestly, I was okay. I needed to get it out and then I could go on. I know that it was hard on her to see me so upset, but she did the total "MOM" thing and just let me.... My prayers are with you.....

I can only re-emphasize what others have said....you don't "get over it" and 15 months is a short period of time. I figure, I had my Mom for 43 years.....I will miss her for at least that long! Be patient with yourself and just feel how you feel. Give yourself permission to grieve, to be sad, to miss her......by the same token...give yourself permission to be happy again, to have good (and even GREAT) days, and to have those days when the pain is alittle further away. You're not alone, that's for sure.

Good that you found this wonderful place.....you will find peace and comfort here. If you get a chance to pick up the book "Final Gifts", do so. It opened my eyes to so many things as my Mom approached her final journey. It made talking to her about it so much easier. Prayers for peace and strength for you. I'm sure you are a gift to your MIL.....

Dana Reeve's death has given us an opportunity to spread information about LC. It's what she would have done, if she'd been able too. this is what I have posted on some other message/bulletin boards that I frequent. If there are other places you visit, post, whatever....please take the time to do something similar. The window of opportunity is OPEN!! Because lung cancer is a subject that hits very close to home with me.....upon the untimely death of the beautiful Dana Reeve....here is some information to ponder: 29% of all cancer deaths are lung cancer..... 13% of all new cancer diagnoses are lung cancer.... 87% of lung cancers are caused by environmental agents, with smoking being the leading cause For more information read this article: http://lchelp.org/lcsc/docsandlinks/lcsc_education.pdf Women are the fastest increasing segment of the lung cancer community: http://www.lungcancer.org/patients/wome ... men_lc.htm If you, or someone you love is diagnosed with lung cancer, you MUST visit this site.....it is a community of survivors, caretakers, and amazing people fighting this disease every day. My user name is "Babesdaughter" if you care to read any information about my Mom's brief battle with NSCLC. http://lchelp.org/ Mrs. Reeve's death has saddened me to no end. She would have been such an amazing champion to bring light to this disease. In her death, there are many that will speak for her.

I have almost avoided reading the site because I was afraid this is what I would find.....I found great comfort and courage in Fay's words. My sincere condolences to her family.....and to everyone here.

My Mom would be taking care of the flower garden.....especially the roses. Her heaven will always have a full pot of hot coffee and someone to talk to.... And thrift stores where there is always some sort of treasure waiting to be discovered and rescued...

I was my Mom's primary caregiver through her illness. Those moments of self doubt and questioning will always come up from time to time, I think. Guilt is only appropriate when something is done with malice or ill intent..... I always try and tell myself that everything I did, I did with love and with the best medical advice I could find. I am guessing that's what you did, too. We did the best we could with what we had... Although we certainly wish the outcome had been different, our care comes from the heart.

I think one of the worst things we do to ourselves is try and put a time limit on grieving....my Mom has been gone almost a year and a half. Some days it feels like yesterday. Do consider some grief counseling though, it does help. I figure I spent 43 years with my Mother.....it may take me that long to "get over" losing her. My thoughts are with you.

I'm sorry for your loss.... Hang on to that peaceful feeling and know that it was real. Sending you warm thoughts

Really, there's nothing more that I could say..... but I will...trust your hospice people. They deal with this process every day. Keep communicating with them and tell them your fears about the morphine. YOu are certainly not the first person that has had those kinds of concerns and questions. I wish you peace....it is so hard to lose a Mommy...

You and Jake will be in my prayers.....I love looking at that picture of him, he makes me think of a gentle giant....

It's probably too late this year, but there is a very nice ornament that comes packaged with that poem. My hospice counselor gave me one last year....here's a website: http://www.abbeypress.com/abbey//Updates/40years/33541.asp?Redirect=true&uid=6347189601 I found them at a local Hallmark as well.....I'm sure there are other places to get them. It's a lovely, lovely poem. It gave me great comfort to hang the ornament on the tree this year.

I thought this year would be "easier" because it wasn't the first Thanksgiving without my Mom....but in a lot of ways, it was harder. I think last year, I was still numb, it was still so recent. This year, it's like the hard permanancy of it is very real.... We still had a nice day and I enjoyed good food and good company, but that feeling of a missing piece is just hanging there...

This one is a bit over the top for you, I think.... I am a tattoo fan...my suggestion would be to sit down with an artist, let him or her know what you are wanting the tattoo for and have them draw up a few ideas. Be careful though, they tend to be addicting!!

Stacey....from one Daddy's Girl to another....he will be with you when you walk down the aisle and he will see your future children. Not in the physical sense that we crave so much, but you will know it.... My dad died before my daughter was born....one of the greatest moments was when my daughter walked out of her bedroom one morning (she was three or four) and said, "Grandpa took me fishing last night." I asked her if she had a dream about Grandpa and she said no, that it wasn't a dream that he had taken her fishing in the night. She was really to young to have known that my Dad was an avid (rather, RABID) fisherman.....and that was about the age I was when he started taking me..... He will be there, I promise you that.

In my opinion, losses are not BIGGER or SMALLER...they are just DIFFERENT. Losing a spouse is different than losing a parent....but harder or easier....just different. We were so fortunate, the grief recovery group we went to so so diverse and no one compared grief....there were parents that had lost children, children who had lost parents, folks who had lost spouses and even one lady who had lost her home in a fire....by the end of the twelve week program, we were very close and learned so much. I hope things go better for you, Val. If this group isn't right for you, then don't give up.....there are so many out there!

I googled in shortly after my Mom's diagnosis. I was looking for some answers, but mostly needed support. Sadly, her battle was brief....... I keep coming back to see how everyone is doing. Even though I don't post as much.....I'm here a couple of times a week at least.....

My heart is breaking for you....I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you have your dog there to lick your tears, they do have such a sense for what we need..... You're in my thoughts....

Val....your grief is still very fresh... My Mom has been gone a little over a year and I still have those days that the truck wins! My mom was very pragmatic. She was a product of the depression era and was just very practical. She had a tender side, too....and would always allow me my time to cry, to feel sorry for myself, whatever....but after what she perceived to be long enough she would just look at me and say, "That's enough." Never anything more than that, but I always knew what she meant. Now, when I have those "truck" days, I allow myself to feel it, experience it....even embrace it sometimes.....but I always hear her say, "That's enough." Then I am able to move on..... Don't fight it, it will come back ten times worse....just feel it and you will know when it is "enough".

With a heavy heart this morning.... Sail on, Dean....the glory of heaven awaits you. My most sincere condolences, Gay. What an angel you are.....Dean was blessed to have you....and you were blessed to have him.

I love the smell of crayons!! Mine would be CARNATION.....I love pink!