Jump to content

Mom newly diagnosed


Recommended Posts

In my quest to understand this beast that has entered our lives, I have found this board. I haven't spent nearly enough time reading on this board, but it is difficult at best to read of the difficult path that is before my mother.

She has undergone X-rays, CT, PET, breathing, needle biopsy and I'm not sure of what else, if anything else. She met with surgeon today to follow-up with results and found out that she has adenocarcinoma on both sides of her lung as well as right in the middle front. She has it in her lymph nodes and one spot in her brain. I don't recall how many lymph glands as things stopped registering after a while.

I don't know rightly what this means. The surgeon didn't tell her a stage or anything, but from what I've read thus far, does having it in the lymphs and brain mean it is stage IV?

My mom is a smoker. She doesn't want to quit either. She is 59 years old. She does not want radiation or chemo. She doesn't even want to meet with oncologist. I am trying to gather testimony and evidential proof that people can come through this with a fight. I'm wanting to show her that the pain, misery and suffering, if needed can be worth it....so, she can make an educated and informed decision and hopefully meet with oncologist.

Just this past year and half my mom lost a brother and sister to lung cancer and another sister to breast cancer.

With Warm Regards,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Bailey

So sorry to read about your Mum, but you have definitely come to the right place for information and support. You won't find a more loving, caring and supportive group of people than right here on this board.

I can recall all too well how difficult it was after Mum was initially diagnosed with her cancer (she was diagnosed as a Stage IV adenocarcinoma) in July last year. It was a horrible time, trying to learn all these new medical terms and make sense of it all. I am happy to tell you that Mum is still symptom free now, 15 months since diagnosis). It hasn't been an easy road, and Mum has had quite alot of chemotherapy but she has handled the side effects pretty damned well. If your Mum has secondaries in her brain, then she would also be classified as Stage IV.

It must be really hard for you if your Mum doesn't want to have any treatment. There is a forum on this message board called The Road Less Travelled for people/families who choose to not have treatment. Maybe you'd like to check those out too. But there certainly are stories here of people who have Stage IV lung cancer and are doing well many years from diagnosis. Just remember there is not one type of cancer that no-one has ever survived.

I hope you find alot of information to help you. I am thinking of you and sending you a whole bundle of support.



Link to comment
Share on other sites


Am so sorry you had to find us! Tell your Mom it's worth a fight. Take it from someone who has been beaten up, chewed on and spit out! I have reacted badly to all my treatments, I am the EXCEPTION not the NORM! You can find alot of information here about people who are surviving with all stages of lung cancer. Read peoples bio's at the end of their posts.

Good luck on your difficult journey!

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I am so sorry about your Mother. It is very, very scary the first few weeks. You are in shock.

It is your Mother's decision if she wants treatment or not, but print her out some of the posts and profiles from here so that she can see there are survivors.

I would encourage her to at least meet with the oncologist. Then she can at least make a more educated decision.

I wish your Mother well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it sounds like stage IV.

My husband was 55 when diagnosed, he has gone to whole route and it has helped him quite a bit. I doubt he would be here now, and feeling pretty decent, had he not had treatment. He never regretted choosing to fight it and we are enjoying every day together. I know, though, some people don't. If I had to make the choice for myself, I am not sure what I would choose.

But - in the end, all you can do is make the information available and it is your Mother's decision. I would think visiting the oncologist would be part of that information gathering.

Welcome to the community. I hope you find what you need. This is a good place, the best I have found.

Best wishes, Margaret

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Bailey

So sorry you have cause to be here.

It is certainly each individual's choice as to whether to proceed with treatment or not, but I agree with the others that it might be prudent to at least meet with the oncologist to discuss the pros and cons. My Mum completed 6 months of cisplatin and gemcitabine, and has just started on taxotere, and is doing really well - hardly any side-effects at all. Some people really do breeze through chemo. It it were me, I think I would be tempted to try the therapy, and if I found that the side-effects were intolerable, I would stop. Just my opinion. I wish you and your Mom well with whatever decision is made.

All the best


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Bailey. So sorry to hear your Mom is having such a rough time. She is too young to give up without a fight. I can tell you from experience just being told you have lung cancer is devastating. Perhaps with some time she can pull herself together. Please let us know. Donna G

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Bailey,

Sorry about your mom. She's only a few yrs. older than I am. She's

to young not to fight. Tell her I smoked for 35 yrs. and it's not so bad, giving them up. But she has to want to quit. She has you ( and maybe other kids?) to fight for. It's definitely worth the fight. Getting rid of the cigs is her first step to survival. Good luck , you both will be in my prayers. Even if she won't put the cigs down, tell her treatment WILL help. My dad did cemo, w/ a cig hanging out of his mouth. Tacky, but he

did it. Go figure!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bailey, I'm so sorry for your family. It must be very ahrd for you to have her refuse treatment right now. But as others have said, it's her decision.

That said, my mom was diagnosed in April 2004 with stage IV adenocarcinoma (inoperable). She was extremely short of breath, coughing constantly, and had lost much weight. She tired easily as well, and had some upper back pain in the area of the tumor.

She decided to go with a clinical trial of carboplatin, gemzar, and velcade. After 6 full rounds, she has had 90% reduction in mets (the primary is unseen by CT because the surrounding lobe of lung has collapsed around it - no way to tell the change in the primary non-invasively). While it has been no picnic, and at times was downright nasty, she has regained weight, resumed an increased energy level, has almost no pain, and the cough is now non-existant.

I firmly believe that if she had declined treatment, we would have lost her by now. I don't write that to upset you, but to point out how badly off my mom's health was at that time.

Not everyone can tolerate the treatment, but sometimes they can get enough to make things better. And while she may think smoking won't matter at this point, it does affect healing time for anything going on in the body. It won't change the cancer situation, but might make her recovery form anything else go better if she quits now.

Good luck. Stay in touch.


Link to comment
Share on other sites


i'm so sorry to hear about everything that has gone on in the past year and half. your family has had to endure so much. i know that it must be so frustrating for you right now. i think that you are being really smart by garnering as much info as you can. i pray that you find comfort in her decisions. there is always hope, and i pray that your mother receives a huge dose of it soon. she's very lucky to have you as an advocate.

God bless,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand your fears.. I was there and am still there. This is my third go round with cancer. My mom and dad died within the last year both from LC and now my sister has Breast cancer.

I tried to make all the decisions about my parents and now my sisters treatments. Ultimately the decision is theirs. If your mom doesn't want to go through treatment. then she should not. If she doesn't have it fight in her. the treatment would kill her anyway. They have got to have a certain amount of fight in them so they can counter effect what the treatments are going to do to them so they have desire to fight and will to fight.

without that, its useless.

I hope your mom changes her mind, she is too young, but to fight her will only lead to anger and resentment for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.