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Missing My Dad


jean44

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One year ago tomorrow (Oct. 14, 2003) I lost my Dad to lung cancer. I miss him everyday and the sadness is overwhelming. Dad was very special to me. My husband always said he thought we were soulmates. We both had the same beliefs and personality. The void that was left when I lost my Dad at times seems so unbearable. I know that "life goes on" but, the loss of my Dad has sure made my life different. It is hard knowing that I will live the rest of my life on Earth without him not even being able to hear his voice. He was such a strong man and fought "the beast" with all he had. He wanted to live so bad. It broke my heart to see him suffer with the chemo and radiation treatments and then to only lose the battle. I don't post often but come here everyday to check on everyone. I smile when NED arrives for you folks and I cry when loved ones are lost. I would like to ask all of you wonderful people on this board to remember my family (especially my Mom) and me in your prayers as we try to get through this first anniversay of the loss of my Dad. I will take off work and travel home (about 125 miles from where I live) tomorrow, go to the cemetery and then meet with my Mom and sister and have lunch together. We are planning to talk about Dad and the happy times we had with him. Thanks for letting me have the opportunity to put my thoughts into words.

Jean

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Jean,

I know your feelings exactly..The anniversary is so hard, I think the anticipation is even worse, we relive those last days over and over in our minds..I'm glad you can find peace in talking about your dad, for me its easier not to talk about him because it makes it all to real.

I can tell by your post that you adored your dad as I did mine..I will keep you and your family in my prayers and hope one more prayer will help you through the day..

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Thank you so much Bruce & Cathy for your kind words. It means alot that the two (out of 1488) of you took the time to respond to my need for support. I have found that on this board I don't normally get responses to my posts. That is why I don't often offer insight on subjects I have knowledge of. I have found if you haven't made your way in with the people that are regular posters, then responses are few. Anyway, my Mom, sister, and I had a nice day together. There were moments of laughter but, also alot of tears. But, we made it through together as we will continue to do. Once again, thanks for your kind words and for being there when I just needed a little support. I will continue to keep you and yours in my prayers.

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Jean,

I'm off from work today and just read your post. I was touched by your pain and felt the need to respond and then read your second post and knew that I had to respond.

I lost my dad also and I know the pain of that. I am glad that your day with your family went good yesterday and wish there was something that I could say to alleviate your pain.

Also, I'm going to be honest with you. I hardly ever come to the Grieving forum. Although I can empathize strongly with the grief that families have, I find it hard emotionally for me to come here. It is like seeing my future if/when the cancer comes back. I know the pain that my family will go through, I have a 5 year old son and every time I think about leaving him alone in this world, my throat closes with terror and I have to mentally force myself to think of something else so I can function. I am physically okay right now but this forum reminds me of my own mortality and makes me uncertain again.

I don't mean to sound selfish but I guess in some respects it may appear that I am. I know that people need consolation, not only here but in other forums, and instead I avoid them so that I can make peace with myself. I apologize if my self preservation has ever been taken as a slight against anyone, it has never ever been meant that way....

Jean, I wish you and all of us a way to find the peace that we all so badly deserve..

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Jean,

Like Debi, I don't spend a lot of time in the Grieving forum. I find myself at such a loss for words...there is never "the right thing" to say to make anyone feel better when their heart has been ripped out.

I can only imagine the pain you are feeling, I have not experienced the loss that you have. I have not experienced the loss that many on the board have. There has been loss in my life, of dear grandparents and friends, but not the loss of a parent, spouse or sibling. The closest I get to an immediate family member loss is the death of my dear dog last December and I still get choked up over that...

Please understand that just because you didn't receive a string of responses doesn't mean that people don't care. I'm sure many have thought of you in their prayers and daily talks with "The Big Guy". I hope that your heart is beginning to heal.

Take care,

Becky

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Jean,

I just read this. Like the others, I do not visit this forum every day. To do so is not something that I have the strength to handle at this time. But when I do come here I try to respond to those who are grieving. Please excuse my tardiness in responding. I would never intentionally exclude anyone.

All the 'firsts' are just so hard to get through. I hope that you and your Mom and your sister were able to focus on the good memories, and find solace in one another.

As far as your feeling that you have been somehow excluded from by the regular posters, well, perhaps if you were to post more often, especially if it is to share your experiences with others who could benefit from your knowledge, then more people would make a personal connection with you. Share what you know with the hopes of helping them through these hard times. I posted a question about lipomas vs skin mets to Dr. Joe yesterday. I didn't expect anyone to respond to that, except to maybe thank Dr. Joe for answering a question that many of us face. I'm not being slighted. I don't think anyone meant to slight you.

At any rate, I hope that the acute grief is easing. It isn't easy to lose a beloved parent.

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Jean,

I just wanted to add, before I lost my dad I would never go into the grieving forum because I couldnt bare the sadness, honest I never went in once at least I dont think I did.. After he passed I remember telling Katie "grieving" and "for those who have lost a loved one" were the only places I felt comfortable..Now, losing a special dad I know how that feels..I really only respond were I think I can somehow ease someones pain if only for a minute and at this point all I know is grieving...

My point is please dont take it that nobody cares, sometimes we just dont know what to say..

I am glad your day was ok or as well as can be expected..I couldnt wait until my dads anniversary day was over..

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hi jean,

my thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. i'm glad to see that you had a chance to be with your mom and sister. i'm sorry if it seems that we are neglecting or ignoring you. sometimes it just takes time to figure out what to say, and not everyone logs on everyday, so it make time to get some responses. i want you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless,

mj

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Hi Jean,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this one-year mark, but am very happy that you will be spending the time with your family. I recently lost my dad and I know how painful it is and how helpful it is to have family and friends to bond with.

I, too, am sorry that you feel that others haven't responded to you. I went back through all your posts, and unless I missed it, or you posted under a different username, I didn't see an original post by you, only several responses to others' posts. I was wondering if you might have us mixed up with another board. I think if you will look down the various forums, you will see that sometimes there are a lot of responses and sometimes less. A lot of it depends on the topic and the timing. I know that when we lose one of our members, many of us post there and then kind of shut down for a day or two because it's so hard.

I feel badly that you feel you were neglected and just want you to know that I know that I care, and I know others here do also, no matter how long you've been a member.

Much love,

Peggy

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