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Hard To Be A Man

Frank Lamb

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If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.

If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.

If you don't, you're a fag.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.

If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

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Becky and Elaine, here's a start:

If you constantly admire your guy, you're submissive.

If you don't, you're intelligent, honest and insightful.

If you work all day for pay, then all evening for your family, you're typical.

If you don't, please tell me how you do it! Call me; we'll have lunch!

If he has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it is because he's dull and unambitious.

If he doesn't have a boring repetitive job with low pay, it is because he's your personal secretary.

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Off the top of my head:

If you have empathy and cry, you're a blubbering woman.

If you hold it all in, you're a witch.

If you are not interested in sex (headache?), you're frigid.

If you like sex, you're promiscuous (where HE would be a "stud").

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