How do you find hope and a fighting spirit?

[AnneBurris]

Hello all, hope you've been blessed with a peaceful heart and are able to find joy in life, I've been praying for you.

I have a question. My mother was diagnosed with extensive SCLC in May and given 9 months to live. She as well as the rest of my family have been dealing with all kinds of emotions as you yourselves have experienced. My concern is that my mom doesn't really seem to like to talk about her cancer. I've given her books about "hope" in fighting lung cancer, I've encouraged her to go to support groups, but nothing really seems to bring her out of this funk she's in. I feel like she's just waiting for the time to pass before she losses the battle.

Were any of you hopeless and came to a point where you decided to fight for more time? If so what was it that encouraged you to fight a little harder? How long did it take for you to come around? I know not everyone is a fighter, and I might just have to learn to accept my mothers depression, but just thought I would ask those of you diagnosed or with loved ones diagnosed if you ever pulled out of that type of denial or depression.

Thanks for your responses.

[kimblanchard]

Anne

I was diagnosed on 2/14 with extensive SCLC mets to Liver, they told me I had a year to liver. I do not believe in their statistics, only God knows when we will leave this earth, no man can know that day. Some days I feel like I could fight the world and other days I just feel like I am waiting it out. There is no one thing that triggers the fight in me, just how I happen to be feeling I think. With chemo etc you never know how you are going to feel. I just try and live my life the way I have always lived it, no differently. I was always super active and an over achiever and that has not changed, I have had to temper it according to how I am feeling but I plan to go out of this world the same way I have lived in it as long as I am physically able. I have my own business and love what I do and it is something I can do even if I am not feeling tip top so I think that keeps me going too, I am too afraid I might miss something if I am too sick! In my case I actually push myself too much at times. Of course the main thing is my family, I want to be there for them as long as I can. In your Mom's case she might be depressed (very easy to be with this disease) and maybe could use some anti depressants, its worth a try. I take an anti anxiety medication from time to time when I need it.

[Cindy RN]

When I was diagnosed the Dr always give you a guesstimat of what they think is your time limit. (not nice) I am still here 2 yrs and 4 months with extensive sclc. My Dr put me on an antidepressant while I was getting the first round of chemo. It is celexa. just what I needed. I still take them. I see nothing wrong with helping our moods stay uplifted. Talk to your mom and give her reasons to keep going. For me it was my children my hubby my pug Roxy my job. So many others. Tell her you look up to her and you know if she puts one foot in front of the other she MAY be running soon. Hope she responds to you. Praying for you

[Don Wood]

What interests (or did interest) your mother? My wife loves sewing and I find when she can do a little sewing and when she goes to the chruch bazaar workshops where they are making things, it perks her up. Share the good times, share family doings. Try to get her focused on something else now and again. We use the past to remember the good times and the future to point toward hope. Maybe you all could plan something she could look forward to. My prayers are with you. Don

[Deanna M.]

Anne, I am so sorry your mom is feeling depressed. My mom does good most of the time. In the beginning she just got happier as her treatments progressed b/c she was feeling so much better. My mom is not a big talker about her cancer either. Maybe they just don't want to focus on it much? Maybe you can ask her doctor about going on some antidepressants, they can really help. My mom takes them and me too. Praying for you guys.

[gail]

With my first cancer, I know I was majorly depressed, but no one mentioned it, or asked. What got me through was a survivor, who called me up often those first couple of weeks. I never even met her, but she got me through.

What turned me around was Bernie Siegel's book, Love Medicine and Miracles. In reading that book, I knew I was going to be okay, no matter what happened. With the second cancer, I got all his books on tape, and also several meditation tapes. I was in the pre-op room listening to his tape. To this day, his voice always calms me.

I never did well with support groups, but do much better on-line and on the phone. I am now on anti-depressents, and see a therapist who specializes in cancer. I found her through my oncologist.

Any of these ideas would work well for you also. Stay in touch.

gail

[Jenny G.]

Hi Anne,

Your mother hasn't had much time to deal with this. So many things go through your mind and you really have to work on yourself to get in a place where you can deal with it and even then there will be bad days. When I was first dx I accepted it and resigned myself to dying. When I saw how my family was affected I felt like I had to have hope for them if not for myself. I realized that I wasn't going to die today or even tomorrow and that however much time I had left shouldn't be wasted in despair and depression. Easier said than done, but the anti depressants do help to at least get you to a neutral place. The one single thing that probably helped me the most was the realization that everyone of us live every single day with the reality that it could be our last. No one ever knows when their time will come. People die unexpectedly every day, but we can't live in fear of that. Rather we should find enjoyment where we can and make the best of every day we have. It may help you and other family members to look at it this way. You have been given a warning. Most people never have that. This is a good thing and a bad thing. When I was 16 years old, I woke up one morning and my dad was gone. He was taken to the hospital in the middle of the night with a heart attack. He didn't survive it. I never got to tell him goodbye or give him one last hug. I appreciate my family so much now and treasure the time we spend together. And then there's the biggest thing of all - there really is hope. People defy the statistics every day, miracles do happen. No doctor can tell us when our time is up. Six years ago, my uncle was told he had 3 months to live. They were wrong! People right here on this board have had long term survival and there are many more like them. Try to be positive around your mom and maybe it will rub off. Find something for her to look forward to. I'm planning a trip to visit my family next month and I'm also planning to build a deck in my backyard so I can spend more time outside. Try to keep her involved in the things she enjoys and help her to take it a day at a time. Even if this cancer takes us in the end we can't let it destroy the time that we do have. All you can do is be there for her and give her some of your strength.

Jenny

Wow, sorry for rambling on like that.

P.S. You and your daughter could be twins.

[AnneBurris]

All,

Thanks for the responses, it's really comforting to hear from everyone. Sometimes I read other's postings where someone is looking for help or comfort in the low times and I always know that it's just one of the low times for them and that it will get better, but for some reason I'm unable to tell myself the same thing. Thanks again for the little rays of sunshine your bring me.