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The Boy Who Cried Wolf Gets Stuck


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Terre Haute, Indiana – No one believed Timmy Tucker when he got his genitals stuck in the family’s vacuum cleaner attachment last Monday. Neighbors describe the twelve-year-old as a chronic liar with a penchant for pulling pranks.

Doctors worked round the clock viciously yanking on the hose before the boy was freed late last night. Surgeon Ron Warren says there may be permanent damage. “He’ll never play the violin again. Not with his pecker anyway.”

Timmy was apparently stuck in the hose for days before parents Mark and Carol Tucker called for an ambulance. According to police reports, the parents didn’t believe the boy was telling the truth and had forbidden him from calling 911 due to earlier pranks. Mr. and Mrs. Tucker have declined to comment.

“He used to tell me he was hurt or in trouble all the time when he was really okay,” said Nat Hoffner, Timmy’s next-door neighbor. “Once he came around here and said he was attacked by some bullies. It wasn’t until after I called the police that he admitted he beat himself up. I never understood that boy.”

In desperation, Timmy called friend Steve Handleman and asked for assistance, but Steve didn’t believe him either. “Tricking me into yanking on that hose is just the sort of thing he’d try to do. ”

Has the boy who cried wolf too many times learned his lesson? “Oh gosh, yes” said Timmy between hits of oxygen. “I’ll never lie again.” He also insisted on describing how he got stuck, despite doctor’s warnings for rest.

According to Timmy, he took the vacuum cleaner outside with a very long extension cord because he wanted to vacuum some dirt. He was about to come back in the house when some bullies attacked him and stuck the vacuum hose on his genitals and then left several xxxographic magazines at his feet after they finished reading them. Police are combing the area for possible suspects.

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