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how do you say goodbye to your children


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when my daughter was 2, she watched as an ambulance took me away I came back a month later with a short wig. my long hair had been shaved -- a massive stroke. She did not recognize me and ran from me.

we had to live in the projects -- low income -- drugs -- crime. When she was 13, she got a call from her father. He told her he did not have time to see her. He was moving to Georgia. That is so last she saw of him for a long time. Until college when she moved to Georgia.

this is hsrd to write.

she believes that we will go together to Amsterdam. the odds do not look good.

she is so excited about this. If I die before that-- if I die -- it will kill her.

please pray for her.

my son -- I can't talk about that. He will not suffer as much.

I can't bear to know how much she will hurt.

dear God, it would be nice if I could live long enough to see Amsterdam with her. please take care of both of them. Thank you.


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It may or may not be the time but surely sometime every parent will face this. In 2002 I faced an operation and was not sure I was coming out the other side. My words to one son - I am proud of you. My words to hubby - I have lived long enough to be happy. And to the other absent one - a reminder to those present. Take care of him if you think he deserves it or not. You will be a mother to them always. Leave them encouragement and hope and belief in themselves - if they deserve it or not. Set no conditions, for the words you leave will last the rest of their lives. If one doesn't understand now, someday he will. Be a mom, as you have always been. Keep it simple. "I love you. This is not goodbye. This is until we meet again."


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neither of my parents said goodbye to me. I didn't want them too. I did not want them to feel that ,.... pain themselves. Your daughter will survive. She will carry you with her always and she will come out a stronger person.

BUT Dont give up yet, please. Your not gone yet, your still ALIVE. Live your life today cat like it were your last, Laugh, Love and play because NOT ONE of us is gauranteed to be here tomorrow. Sure your facing cancer and I am not. BUT that does not mean any one of us could not die today in a tragedy.

please cat, live today for TODAY>

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Hi Cat,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dx. I have thought of the same thing

several times over the last year, espically before my surgery.

In 1999 I had to say goodbye to my dad. (He passed of Pancreatic cancer) it was the hardest, but the best thing I ever did. It will be extremely hard for the two of you, but it is also loving. and something she will always hold on to. God bless your family, and you are always in my prayers. Don't give up your hope miracles happen everyday. Take care!

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Dear Cat,

I'm sorry you're having to face these issues but you are being awful brave even putting your thoughts into words.

My husband had to leave his son . Robert never got the chance to say goodbye as he slipped quietly to sleep for several days before he died. We didn't think he was so close.

Robert also didn't say "goodbye" to me either. He never left me with instructions on what he wanted me to do or what he wanted for Alex. He did tell me these two things

1. Do whatever you need to do to be happy.

2. Please think of what I'd say to Alex when you're talking to him.

I'm grateful he didn't say too much. I'd have felt awful if I didn't keep his wishes and I'd be stressed out to keep them.

The thing is, I know his heart and his desires for his son and I'm trying so hard to keep that alive. I hope you have someone like that in your life.

There is nothing for you to tell your children than they don't already know in their hearts. How do you sum upyour wishes for them in words? Just let them know you love them with all your being and that leaving would have never been your choice.

God bless you as you face this awful time....I'm amazed by your strength and love fo ryour kids.

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Actually, all the smilies have a "short hand" for those of us that type faster than we "mouse". When Joni was putting in her son's age in parenthesis - he's eight, she inadvertantly put in the "short hand" for the smile with sun glasses, the 8 ) (without a space) makes that particular emoticon.

You can see the "short hand" in your dialogue box when you click on the smilies to insert them...

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Cat AND Caledon,

So sorry about your mother, Caledon. And how wonderful of you to help others at a time like this.

Cat, I'm so touched by your story and your feeling for your daughter. Even more reason for you buckle down and get that WBR plus steriotactic radiation and then get off with her to Amsterdam! And maybe a side trip to Ireland while you're at it? It's the goal to help pull you through all this -- and keep y our daughter in the know on everything -- she'll help you fight and you'll help her get through this by doing it together!



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Miss Cat,

wow, number four, your posts are really hitting me today. Listen you are still alive and, I wish I could make it easier for you, but yeah, my Mom didn't say goodbye to me, we just exchanged the "i love yous" which weren't even really a need, since we were close, but sounds lik eyour daughter is younger. Kids have amazing resources, just give her everything to remember you by, and she will, and she will see your Grace and strength!

Amsterdamn would be great and if there is a way I can help you please let me know. I am in Copenhagen, but not so far from there.

I send you all my prayers of every kind and every strength. You have given me more in the last ten minutes from your posts than most people learn in a lifetime, your daughter and son will know that about you, for you will always live in them. My hugs to you again, number 4 today.


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