Pam Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 One year ago today I lost my dad. Some days it feels like it just happened, then again it feels like I've had this pain and emptiness for so long. Aside from my sadness and my poor mom's sadness, it breaks my heart when my four year old still cries for his Grampa. He talks about Grampa regularly and still is confused as to why we can't go see him in Heaven or why he can't come back down. Tears on those little cheeks....how I wish my dad could be here with him. I am angry that my dad is missing out on time with his grandkids, and I know it would have made him so happy. Matthew was the absolute joy in his life - how I wish he could be here to enjoy him and watch him grow. I am so angry at this horrible disease, that caused him so much pain and suffering, and that robbed us of this wonderful man. I am also angry as I think and remember all of the awful things that happened, as the care and treatment he received wasn't anywhere near acceptable. I'm so sorry Dad....I am just so damn sorry.... Dad, I wish I could tell you how much we love you and miss you. I wish I could wake up have this be the worst nightmare imaginable - and have my sweet wonderful Daddy back.......you will always be MY HERO.... Dad, thank you for being the best dad anyone could have, and for being my FRIEND. Thank you for being MY DAD. I am so proud of you, for giving it all you had, for fighting till the bitter end. I will love you forever....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I can do little more than send my condolences. I understand the pain. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 He knows, cause you just told him. He is with you always! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Pam, I have been thinking about you and your mother. It is hard to go on without those you love so much. And it is hard to see the pain your little one is in, much less your mother. You have my prayers. Your dad hears you sweetie everytime you think of him. Peace be with you hon, Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Was thinking of you and your mother yesterday. Just hope my card reached you in time. But be sure my thoughts were with both of you. Love J.C. (Jackie) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patut Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Pam, he does know, and from my own experience with the loss of my mom, it helps to 'talk' to him when ever you want. I know I can still feel her presence every day even though I lost her 10 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Pam, I am so sorry for your loss and the grief you feel. I know the feeling all too well as I just went through the "one year date" of losing my Dad to lung cancer Oct. 14, 2003. The grief is still with me as well and my days are filled with sadness. I am still trying to come to terms with the loss but somedays in can be almost unbearable. It feels like a big void in my heart that I know will never be filled and I know that I have to, in some way learn to deal with it. I am still trying to work it all out. I know that the pain of losing him is as new in my heart as the day we lost him. Praying for some peace for you and your family. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Pam, I sure hope you start to feel better soon. Mirrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Pam, I'm am so sorry for your saddness. My dad passed away two weeks ago so I understand. I remember reading your post last year knowing that my time was coming. I hear it gets easier with time, and I too feel cheated with my kids (ages 6 and 12) that they will not get to spend the time they deserve with their grandpa. My sister is pregnant with her second child due in March. I know this will be a bitter sweet time for her. I will keep you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Pam, I just lost my mom this month and when my boys (4 and 6) say they wish they could give grandma a hug right now or miss her I tell them that even though they can't see her, hear her, or feel her, that I bet right now she is giving them one of her super duper hugs, and that when their noses tickle that that's probably grandma giving them kisses too. I saw posted the other day, someone put something up about butterflies. I think I was REALLY suppost to see that because 2 days later a little white butterfly fluttered past me outside my home while I sat in the swing watching my Connor play. My sister saw one just like that the next day. It's Indiana, in October, and I know it's been warm here lately, but we don't have butterflies in October! Thanks Mom! I love you! I always tell the boys to just talk to her, she hears you. I have to tell myself that too, a lot. Praying for you to find peace and comfort from your memories this month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Pam, I also understand having lost my Dad at 46 and I was 2 weeks away from graduating High school. It hurt so bad!! I have recently lost my Brother at age 46 to this vicious disease!! I miss him terribly but I am okay with it now. I know he is in Heaven and walks the streets of Gold in God's paradise. I will see him again when I get there and you can bet he will meet me at the gate just as your Daddy will meet you. Try to get rid of the anger and remember the wonderful times with him and smile when you think of him. He would want that. I am praying for you. God Bless, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 (((((Pam))))) I know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Pam, I could have written your post myself. I feel your pain, I really do. Please know that you are not alone in your grief. I hate cancer, I wish I could kill it, like it killed my beautiful father. I too, am angry. My daughter was cheated of her Grandpa too. It's funny, because I swear I thought of you and your Dad the other day and I pictured your dad's face from your avatar and said to myself that I haven't seen you post lately, and was wondering how you were doing. Your dad's face sticks with me, he looks like such a sweetheart. By the way, my favorite name for a boy is Matthew. It is my father's name, my brother's name and when they told me I was going to have a boy, which turned out to be a girl - LOL, that was going to be his name too. I wish you, I wish all of us, some peace and comfort from this awful pain that we have to live with. Much love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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