My 3-year Old Is Breaking My Heart

[KC]

My 3-year old daughter his missing her Grandpa terribly lately. I think I may have set her off when I told her on Thursday, October 21st that it was Grandpa's birthday. I had to tell her because I wanted to bring flowers and a balloon to my father's grave and I had no one to watch her. So we sang happy birthday to grandpa and left him flowers and the balloon. Then on Saturday we went to a carnival and she got a fake tatoo. My mom was watching her on Sunday for me and they went in the pool. The tatoo started coming off while she was in the pool and my Mom told me she saw her standing in a corner talking to Grandpa. She was saying "Grandpa, I don't want it to come off, Grandpa, I miss you. I miss you, Grandpa". It was heartbreaking. My mother asked her if she wanted to watch the home movies and see Grandpa. She watched movie, after movie. His birthday last year, last halloween, last Christmas. I was sitting in the other room for hours listening because I can't really watch these films yet. Boy, it was heartwrenching, hearing my father's happy voice. I miss him so very much. Life is so different without him, and I don't really like it much. Anyway, my daughter wore her Belle halloween costume from Beauty and the Beast to her class on Wednesday. It has a wand that she carries. I heard her say into the wand, "I wish, I wish Grandpa would come back" and then she blew on the wand. I said, "what did you say honey", she said "nothing". I told her like I always do that "Grandpa is still with us and he is always in our hearts and that he can see everything she is doing. I told her that he didn't want to leave us but he had to go and make the boo boo go away and if he comes back, the boo boo comes back too." She woke up Thursday morning, saying "I miss Grandpa". Today she woke up and the first thing she said was, "I want to see Grandpa again." I said, "why, did you see him?", thinking maybe she had a dream about him. She said, "yea, he's in the sky, in the clouds". I did say out loud the other day for my Dad to please come and visit her, that she needs to see him. Today, driving home from dinner, out of no where, we were singing songs and she says out loud, "I want to see my Grandpa, again." I feel so sorry for her. My father passed away in March. He was her best friend and she is grieving terribly for him lately. I don't know if I'm doing more damage than good in talking about him every day. I talk to her every day about him. If she does something wonderful, we always say, look, Grandpa, and then we tell him what she did. I can't and won't let her forget him. She got cheated of having him in her life, I don't want her to be cheated of his memory. Please, does anyone have advice or comments. I'm so sorry for the long post. My heart breaks for her.

[kimblanchard]

First of all, don't worry about the length of the post. Write as much as you need and want to. If it gets boring, we will quit reading.

I totally understand what you are going through. Becky also died in March, and I talk to Katie about her every day. We talk about missing Mommy very much and that she is an angel now. And I think it is completely for her benefit. It rips out my guts sometimes to talk about her. But she deserves to keep the memories she has.

We do watch home movies, and we do look through our photo albums, especially our wedding album, quite a bit. Keep doing that. It will develop her spiritually. Yes, it makes her aware that life ends, but that is something we all must learn. It makes each day precious that there is not an unlimited supply of them.

So I think you are doing right. God bless.

Curtis

[KC]

Thank you Curtis. I appreciate your response so very much. I always read your posts about how you and Katie are doing. I don't reply much to people, as most of the time, I can't find the right words. But I do keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers. I think you, too, are doing a wonderful job with Katie and I wish you both much peace and comfort always. My father was the only father that my daughter knew. We lived with him the last year of his life too, so it is like she lost a parent as well, not just a Grandparent whom she saw occasionally. He was there for her every morning for breakfast and cartoons and every night for bedtime. I don't really like living without him, I thank God for my daughter, she give me reason. Take care of yourself, Curtis and that little girl of yours.

[betplace]

KC,

I can't think of a more beutiful memorial for your Dad than to keep his memory alive for your daughter. She needs to be allowed to grieve in her own way. I think you are doing the right thing talking about him everyday. Hug her often!

Blessings

Betty

[gail]

My son was 2 1/2 when his grandfather (my FIL) died of lung cancer. They had been the best of buddies. His illness was hard, and the family struggled greatly. For the next year and a half, my little guy would just start talking about his pop-pop at the strangest times. Walking into the library once he just out of the blue told me he was mad at God for taking his Pop-pop. Another time he woke up at night insisting he find something from his pop-pop. We found his first truck and put it by his bed. Finally, one day at Sunday School, I took him to the minister and asked the minister to talk to Ben about heaven. They sat for a while, and that seemed to help.

As a teacher, I've had to deal with student losses. I know of one grielf counselor who has the kids make their own booklet about the deseased, complete with pictures. The kids seem to like that.

I feel for your pain.

gail

[Haylee_38]

KC, My heart goes out to you and your little girl. My kids were alot older when my mom passed away 20,17,15 and 12 at the time of my moms passing. They were very close with my mom and mom stayed with us her last year. This was so hard on them and still is and I have found they all grieve in a different way and at a different pace. This gets easier with time never easy but, it does get better. I am on 19 months since my mom went to a better place and getting through the first are the hardest. I have found it to be better getting through this year than last and my kids are all doing better as well. My thoughts are with you and my heart goes out to you and your little girl. Haylee

[Pam]

KC

I know exactly how you feel, my son was 3 when he lost his best friend, his Grampa. They were very close. A year has passed, and Matthew still talks about his Grampa all the time, as we do. He still cries occasionally too. It tears my heart out to see him hurting, and missing his Grampa.

I told him the same thing, that he had to go to heaven and be with the angels, they took his pain away, and if he came back to us, his pain would be back too. I don't know if it's wrong or right, but that's what I told him.

The other night we watched my dad's video, that we had made for the funeral, with pictures of his life, a lot of pictures with Matthew at the end. And of course, the most heart wrenching music to go along with it. Matthew and I sat on the floor in front of the tv and cried and cried.

I think it did us both some good. He's been talking about the movie he is in with his Grampa. He is very proud of it.

I don't know if any of this helps, but please know you are not alone.

I'm sorry for your pain, I will keep you in my prayers.....