starz98 Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hello, I am new here. My mother was diagnosed with Lung and Bone cancer the end of January. It was much more aggressive than we thought it would be and although they did offer some treatment mom turned it down as they were honest with her and told her it would only prolong her life a few months and the quality of those few months would not be good. She is at home with hospice care, my father is her primary caregiver and although he has never had to tend to a thing (mom took good care of him), he stepped right in and as been trying so hard. In May they told us mom wouldn't see 2 full weeks, she is still with us. My mother has always been such a strong lady and stubborn ( a true Taurus). She wanted to see her 46th wedding anniversary and she did on Sunday. It was a very difficult day for my dad. We don't live in the same town as they do but we have been going there every weekend for quite awhile now. The father came and blessed their marriage and gave my mother the sacrament of the sick again. My mother has not eaten in close to 2 months, she has just drank sips of lemonade for the past 2 months. She is so frail and in so very much pain. She is still very aware of conversations, etc. around her and will answer questions if possible and even periodically pops up with a "smart" remark....she has had her humor to the end. For the past 2 weeks now she hardly sleeps and she just repeats the rosary aloud over and over again. It is the only thing she seems to be able to say complete and in full sentences all night long even. My father has done such a good job in taking care of mom and seemed to be dealing with what was inevitable. But it seems like since Sunday he has changed. Mom has had 2 morphene patches now and is also allowed morphene under the tongue whenever needed. He has never wanted to give her the under the tongue since she got the patch, when I am there I will give it to her if she asks for it as I know mom has never been one for pain meds and that if she is asking for it she is hurting. She cannot and has not been able to move for months, except for one arm. Dad e-mails daily to let us know how things are, but I am very concerned as today he IM me and said he decided to start giving mom Slim fast. When we were there Sunday she no longer even wanted the lemonade as swallowing was hurting her so. But he was still giving it to her until she would refuse him. I know that the body kind of dictates what it can handle in these final stages and to force things can actually cause more discomfort. I tried to tell him Slim fast probably wasn't the best thing and to stick with mom's wishes, but he wouldn't listen. Then he said that mom seems much more alert without her morphene patches! I just about fell out of my chair. I cannot imagine what pain mom must be in without her patches! When I called you can still hear her loudly chanting her rosary in the background. Dad then made the comment that since the doctor's don't know what to do...he will try a new direction! I don't know what to do the thought of mom in any more agony than she is in, horrifys me. I don't know what he is thinking and I don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Dear Starz, What a tough situation you are dealing with! If possible, try to get your dad to access the following site in the hopes that it might bring him some comfort and perhaps some needed information. I found it very helpful. Will be praying for all of you to have surcease from pain and the strength to carry on, no matter what pathways are chosen. Blessings. http://www.crossingthecreek.com./ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rocky Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 All I can think of reading your post is starvation. Last year my husband's uncle was ill and he decided to stop eating because he thought he was dying. He started to eat when one of the nurses told him that starving himself was an incredibly painful way to go. When you talk about the pain I wonder if a lot of it is brought on by her not eating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolsdaughter Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Starz, I know of the concern you have. Dad and I became mom's caregivers in the end. It seems that you dad needs more information from the hospice people. I don't think that he is intentially trying to harm her, he's just desperate. I know those feelings myself. Is it possiable for you to stay with him? I sure makes it easier (but I am a control freak). I would like to say more but I have to run to an appointment. I'll check back when I return. You can also pm me if you would like. I will say a prayer for you and your family. (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 We were told when Lucie's mom was in Hospice care that when the body starts shutting down, there is no pain from not eating. I don't know if this is your mom's case or not. Lucie also tried to feed her mother, but soon realized her mother didn't want to eat -- her body was not calling for it. You have a tough situation. Your dad is desperate to do something that will help his wife, and doesn't know what to do. He is scared and doesn't want to lose his life-long companion and friend. This is very hard on him,too, and I am glad he has been able to rise to the occasion. Not all men can. My prayers are with you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starz98 Posted June 26, 2003 Author Share Posted June 26, 2003 Thank you to all that have responded. Crossingthecreek.com is an excellent site. I couldn't get over how much it all related to my mother's case and even found she was saying some of the things that were mentioned. I absolutely know that my dad is not trying to harm my mother. He loves her so and has been a wonderful caregiver, it just seems like it has suddenly turned from acceptance from what is happening to trying to stop it from happening. I can understand that also. As mentioned below...he does not want to be without her and I honestly don't know how he will go on without her. He just sits beside her bed at times and cries. I didn't mean to give anyone the impression that I thought he would intentionally harm her. I just know that she needs her pain relief and that I too have read that once the body begins its process of shutting down that it doesn't want food because it doesn't need it and forcing it can actually cause more discomfort. That was my biggest concern - not too add to the discomfort that mom is already in. I cannot be there during the week, but we go there every weekend and this weekend I am going to try to talk to dad. I have sent him some clips from crossingthecreek.com and perhaps I should send him the one about food and the body shutting down. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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