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Thursday is the Surgery


mscyn4u

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Hello Again Everyone, and I welcome any newcomers. My husbands surgery is scheduled tomorrow, I just returned home from a funeral for my 47 year old cousin who died from liver cancer.

It seems the stress is getting to us, instead of being loving and attentive, my husband and I seem to be snapping at each other. Every since he picked me up from the airport, the day has not been what I expected.

He seem to get upset when I encouraged him to sign the living will papers and he told my son I keep "fussing" at him.. My feelings after coming from a funeral of someone that just passed away from cancer, are that we should love each other daily like there is no tomorrow, not all this irritability stuff.

Is this fear from both of us, does anyone have any suggestions??? Also today the anesthiologist asked him if he wanted an epidural, can someone give suggestions on that??? They moved the surgery to 12 p.m until 1 p.m as orginally scheduled, we have to report to the hospital at 10:30 a.m.

If someone could answer tonight or early in the morning (I am on EST time) I will check for replies. As always I appreciate all advise given to help us get through this.

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Hello,

All I have is what I've seen. My parents. They snapped at each other ALOT in the first 3-4 months. It was like neither one of them knew how to act towards each other or this new horrible situation. They used me as the go-between alot because although they could snap at each other, they wouldn't snap at me. I can't imagine how hard it is for them, or you or your husband. I am so sorry that is must be so incredibly difficult for you both.

I am in the legal field and I was the one to draw up the will and other "affairs in order" type documents. It was horrible and seems to put a finality to everything. It is horrible, but we know it must be done. In our case, I did them for BOTH my parents. not just my dad. I wanted him to feel like it was a necessity for them because they were older, not because my dad might actually die of cancer one of these days. He must have known better, but I think he appreciated the way I handled it.

There's no easy way around the emotional ups and downs and hard falls. It is the normal for those with cancer and those who love them. I just tried to remind them that ALL of us---ALL of our days are numbered and we just need to have patience and love each other. For them, things got better when they understood the disease more, understood treatment options and learned what to expect. It's the unexpected that keeps us crazy and helpless. It is so much better between them now and I think they are truely living with cancer, instead of dying from it. It may be only a few days or a dozen years that we have him yet, Only God knows, so we are going to love each other the best way we can right now.

Will be praying for your husbands successful recovery from surgery and for peace and comfort for you.

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mscyn,

Ah, we are only human, hmmm?? Shrug off the irritability the best you can and focus on the loving him to pieces part...I liked that spin you gave to how we should live. I'll wager he comes around, especially after the surgery, and given some time.

Absolutely ask for the EPIDURAL!!!!

I'll be saying a little prayer for you both. Wishing him a speedy recovery and renewed outlook.

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Good luck to you and your husband on his surgery. I'm currently recuperating from surgery myself and while it is no picnic, it actually isn't as terrible as I had conjured up in my head. I got through it, you know, and so will your husband. And I agree, definitely have him get the epidural. This way his pain medication will be delivered right into the nerve base around his spine...I may be new at this, but I know this is the way to go for pain management.

I agree with what Katie said also about the emotional ups and downs. I must add, that when I was getting ready for my surgery and also after my surgery, I wanted to be a shining power of example for humankind.. this mother teresa type of person that would be remembered for her good words and the way she handled herself. NOT!!! I really strove to be better than myself but the fact is I can be a real b**** and when I'm under stress, I'm only going to be a bigger one. I was cranky and unhappy and everyone was going to know it because if ever in my life I deserved to be cranky it was now. I'm not saying that this is the exemplary way to behave but like said above...we're human. Just remember that this too shall pass. I will be thinking of you on Thursday and I'm sure your husband will do fine!!

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Hello Again Everyone,

I want to thank those that posted replies about the "tension" and irritability going on between me and my husband. It is 7 a.m. and I am up with knots in my stomach about this day. I am praying it all goes well, he has been sleeping all night and I believe it is his way of escaping. I am printing the replies so he can see others have been through this and realize this happens. I won't be back to post until the surgery is over and things have settled. I truly truly thank those that posted after my comments last night, I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR we were not alone in this tension situation that is happening right now.

God bless you all..

Ms Cyn

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I don't know much about the medical stuff as Hugh wasn't a candidate for surgery. But, Hugh and I did have a period of time when we were snapping at each other. Actually, he was snapping at me. Looking back I realize that in our case, I was just smothering him. I asked him if he was okay about a hundred times a day. I hovered, I fretted and I drove him crazy. It passed, we got over the "hump" and now we can even laugh about it. When I ask him how he feels and if he thinks I am asking to much he will make a big deal of "feeling" himself or the table or whatever and say "I think I can feel just fine, how do you feel?" It breaks the tension and we laugh and move on. Even our kids have picked up on it and if they stop by and see Hugh working in the yard they will make a big deal of running inside or yelling to me that "Dad's working out here, are you okay with this?" I think it takes time to learn to live with this sh** and to work out a solution to the problems it brings. In time you will find a comfort zone (for lack of a better word because I don't think I will EVER be comfortable with any of this), you don't like it, but you have to live with it, we don't have a choice.

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Yep, Lucie and I have gotten "testy" with each other from time to time. I t is a natural thing from so much emotion and stress. We all have to have a realease. We have learned to just let the other vent and not take it personally. Let off a little steam from the pressure.

Just the other day I reacted angrily to a very good neighbor because she asked how I was (which was great) and when I explained I was down because my artificial sphincter would not be activated for another week or so, she then remarked, "Well, God is teaching you patience". Well, I lost my cool, because what I needed at that time was support and encouragement, not what sounded like a lecture. We are okay now -- all forgiven and fences mended. I try to keep myself "vented" enough that that kind of scene doesn't happen often.

As for the Wills, unfortunately we should do those things when we are well (all you well people take note) and not wait for a crisis, when we are all emotional. Lucie and I did all the legal stuff some years ago, thank the Lord.

Hang in there. And keep in touch with this great family here. Don

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