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Assorted Man Bashing Jokes - Rated R


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Okay, its Saturday night and I'm bored so its time to contribute to the ladies side 8) ...

What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?

The man.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you call a handcuffed man?


What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?

Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature.

Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

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