melaniem Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 Hello to everyone. I really want to share a story with everyone. Just 3 months ago I was cruisin' through life, making a big deal out of really small stuff, never knowing my life was about to take a huge turn. And then...WHOA....had to hang on to the counter because my world was shaken and the rug was pulled out from beneath me!!! Now, I know that everyone here knows exactly what I felt then, but even NOW it sometimes feels surreal. I have cancer. Driving down the road I see people going about their everyday lives and I want to roll down my window and yell "I HAVE CANCER, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I'M ONLY 37!!!" And I am jealous and envious of their normalcy. But I know that I am one of the lucky ones. Even with cancer, I count myself lucky. I really believe God has a plan for me, a plan for me with this cancer. So here's why I'm writing today........ After my surgery we waited 6 weeks and then I had my first 'round' of chemo. My cocktail waitress brought me a mix of cysplatin/taxotere. Let me assure you, I think they gave me plenty to do the job, as I was sick sick sick for an entire week. I never knew how cool the tile on my bathroom floor felt on my face, or how soft the rug around my toilet felt on my knees, oh and that taste in my mouth....that was lovely, toothpaste company needs to keep working on it though, cuz it don't work. So I decided after that one round I had had enough. I announced at the cancer center that I was through and all my family was in support of this decision. But the onc and all the nurses begged me to let them have one more try. They promised they could give me other drugs to not be so sick. I left still saying no and went home to prove my onc wrong. I spent all afternoon on the net reading study after study and all i could do was prove him RIGHT. I'm not big on stats but the #'s are pretty overwhelming that this IS the standard treatment and the results are convincing, even to me. So I started thinking maybe I should keep going. Here's where God comes in. I haven't been on this site much since the chemo treatment. Then I read 'sundancin' post that she did NOT have chemo after her surgery and now... bless her heart, it's back. I've really been struggling with this decision and feel like God spoke to me through all of you guys. This board has meant the world to me since all this started and even when I'm away for a while my heart is here and I think of everyone. I just wanted all of you to know that you are important, that everyone time you post you never know the impact you may be having on another. Thank you, sundancin, for convincing me to keep going w/the chemo. Tomorrow, Tuesday, is when I go for my 2nd treatment so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Also trying to remember if it's kicking my butt that bad just imagine what it's doing to those micro-scopic cancer cells trying to hide in there!!! Love to all, Melanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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