Carleen Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi all, I've been off the computer for the past week. Just kind of moping and feeling blue. I know I tell others to come here when they are feeling down and need a lift. But I didn't take my own advice. I've just been wallowing in misery and depression. Top that off with some computer problems and well.... We received Keith's results of his CT scan last Thursday, and it showed no change. I know people tell us that no change is a good thing, but the oncologist seemed so disappointed, and after all that we've gone through already we were really hoping for some positive change. We were both disappointed, and our positive attitudes have slipped away. The doctor decided to change the protocol Keith was receiving to Cisplatin and VP-16 three days in a row, which started Monday. It's been kind of hectic trying to get schedules rearranged, time off work etc.... But, we've gone through this first round. Keith has taken this much harder than he did the other chemo. With the CPT-11 you could hardly tell he was on chemo. He'd come home from the hospital and paint the living room and go golfing and eat a big steak dinner. This week he hasn't done much other than go for treatment, come home and sleep. He can barely keep his eyes open long enough to eat. In fact, he's barely ate anything because he isn't feeling well. I'm really scared when I look at him all sick like this. It is tearing me apart. To top all this off, I planned a doctors appointment for myself for last Thursday. I figured we were at the hospital, might as well get a physical and possibly join the anti-depressant crowd. I know I've really been battling my own emotions most of the time, and could really use the meds. It turns out the doctor discovered that I have a heart murmer. And I've been telling people for the last three months that my heart is breaking. Everyone just thought I was being metaphorical, but it turns out I was telling the truth. I know I need to take care of my health so I can better take care of Keith. I've been slipping on that, and the stress, bad diet and lack of sleep are probably the cause of my health problem. But at this time I can't help feeling apathetic to it. Part of me feels the biggest favor God can do me, is to let me be strong and healthy enough to be here for Keith, but if it turns out to be His will to take Keith home to him, he can then take me too. Boy I can't wait for these anti-depressants to kick in.... How long do they normally take until you become emotionally stable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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