Heather32 Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Hello everybody, It has been awhile sincce I posted. I guess I wanted to forget what is happening even if it is just for a short time. Mom seemed to be doing well for awhile. She has gotten down to half a steroid pill in the morning and another at night. She stayed stable for a few days but missed a dose one night (she's trying to ween herself off them) and was in bed the entire next day. The following day my Dad called and said she didn't remember it at all. We called and talk to a nurse that said to stay on the steroids. She has no energy and cannot walk very far without being dizzy and out of breath. She has fallen on several occasions. Her arms and legs are getting weaker and I think she is begining to get confused. She is a shell of the women who raised me. She has had so much pain and sadness in her life I wish I could take her place I am angry with the world and most of all myself for not being able to be there every minute, I am affraid of what is happening and what will eventually happen. I need some advice and wisdom from only you who know and understand. My heart is slowly being torn from my chest and everything seems to be related to cancer. How can I go on and have my life at the same time my dearest friend is having hers taken away Sorry for the rambling Heather in New Hampshire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Good morning, Heather, see, you have made it one more night. I don't have any magic wisdom, just wanted you to know you are not alone. Sometimes things seem darker than other times, hopefully the morning has brought you some relief. My husband is close to the same age as your mother. All I can suggest is - one day at a time. Value and relish that day. Do the work you have given yourself for that day. Laugh and cry, if that is the way it is. That is all any of us have. Well, just hi, and hope today is a better day for you. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Heather, it's desperately sad, isn't it? There are so many emotions that wash over you in waves, and it's hard to keep your balance and sort through everything. Please take some time to prepare yourself. I would recommend the book, "Final Gifts." And there is a very good website www.crossingthecreek.com that will help as you near the end. It's horribly painful to contemplate, but you will be grateful later that you did the homework. Life is precious. Your mother is a wondrous, unique person, and now is all you have with her. Right now you have the privilege and honor of walking with her on her final journey. These remaining days will bring an awesome and profound experience that will change you forever. Cherish each moment, each breath, each smile. You may have months; you may only have weeks or days. With Dad, his personality slowly slipped away. There were periods when he was Dad, but most of the last few weeks he was in a distant, private world. We just continued to love him, talk to him, care for him, grieve for him. When we realized that Dad's fight was ending, I made it a point to pay attention to everything. Dad was going somewhere we had never been, but somewhere I will go someday. I wanted to be there for him, to be his daughter all the way to the end. I also wanted to learn from him, as I had all my life. It has changed me profoundly. Heather, I know you will bravely face this challenging experience because you understand that your mother is worth the pain and grief. It is desperately sad, and desperately painful, but you will do what you have to do. If you need us, we are here. My heart is with you. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Heather, I encourage you to seek counseling and talk to your doctor about signs of depression. This is something you will need to work through in order to put it behind you enough to be able to function daily. Find a counselor to help you through it and know when you have reached a point (if you do) where you need the crutch of "chemistry" for a while (anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medication). Realize that your mother would never switch places with you in a million years, do not feel guilt over that. Help her through this phase of her life and make the most of every minute you have with her. Take care of yourself, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Heather, I wish I knew the right words to say to comfort you, but I don't and the fact is that there probably aren't any words that will make you feel better. Perhaps, as others have recommended, a counsellor will be helpful, but time is also a great healer. I think Pam's post was very true and beautifully expressed. Please take care of yourself and know that there are many many people that will be keeping you and your mother in their prayers. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather32 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 Thank you all for your words of comfort. The Doctors are now talking about bringing in nurses. My Mom isn't happy about it and so we will wait to do it. She can't be left alone now so I will stay with her the one night my Dad goes to work. My Aunt, her sister-in-law, will also be helping out when we need it. From what my Mom told me the doctors are still saying she has awhile yet. The back pain is most likely a pulled muscle. Somebody tell me if I'm wrong (God please tell me I am!) but she can barely walk to the bathroom by herself and she seems to just get weaker everyday so the end is fast approaching. They have bumped her steroids up to 1 and a half twice a day. I want to help but am afraid I will just break down like I am now and just ramble. Lucky for her she will be asleep when I get there tomorrow night. I am sorry anybody has ever had to be in my place and I wish I never had to go through this but I am and I will be strong for her like she has been for me. I just wish we had more time together....Thanks again for reading and replying (((((HUGS)))))) to everybody tonight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Heather, don't worry so much about trying to keep up a facade of being strong. Your mother knows this isn't easy for you. Love her, talk to her, pray for her, just be there for her. Everything else will happen as it should. SEnding you strength and positive thoughts. MIrrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Heather I am so sorry that Mom is not feeling good. I know how you are feeling..being strong for Mom is hard when you are just breaking down inside. Remember to call me if you ever need someone to talk to. Luv ya girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Heather, I have been reading and re-reading your post and the replies. Your mom is the same age as me, so I would imagine you are probably about the same age as our son, and your sad heart touches me deeply. I have absolutely nothing that I can add to all the beautiful words of advice that the others have given you here. The words of Margaret, Pam and Mirrell and the others are right on target. None of us can tell you that any of this is easy to get through because it isn't. It's hard - plain and simple. But all of us here, as caregivers, are struggling and being as strong as we can be and get up and face each day with as much courage as we can find. Like Margaret said, some days will be darker and others will be brighter. And like Mirrell said, don't worry about pretending to be strong. Just be as strong as you can, and if you aren't, that's ok. Trust me, please. I'm a mom, and I know. It's ok. Just be however you are. Hold her, love her, hug her, pamper her, sing to her, rub her feet, and wipe her brow. It will make both of you feel better. I know because I did ALL of those things for both my mom and dad. All my love and prayers are reaching to heaven for you, Heather. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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