I'm pissed

[Justakid]

I've been getting copies of my medical records so that I have them should I need them. I know I didn't want to read them............... Let me give some background, I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager (my Father also did), I took anti-depresants for 8yrs, got tired of the side effects and came off them. My Husband and I were able to determine when I was having a problem and we talked through it until I was feeling better, this "treatment" has been going on for over 7yrs.

When I gave my medical history to the Oncologist I told her I suffered from depression years ago. I also told her I needed the name of a Phyciatrist because I knew that I couldn't handle this treatment alone (Makes sense, better to have someone on your side). She referred me.

I was reading my medical records right after I had the Taxotere chemo treatment and was in so much pain I could barely remember my name. She had the nerve to put in there "it is unclear what the source of her pain is, although patient has a significant psychiatric history which may be a contributing factor versus unanticipated side effects from her chemo"

Where did that come from?! I'm not crazy, I did not invent the pain, if you look up the side affects.......PAIN is one of them. Benadryl makes me pass out, wouldn't that lead you to believe that I may be sensitive to drugs! I can honestly say that I am totally pissed off right now. She barely even knows me, how can she say something like that.

My shrink (who the oncologist refered me too) doesn't think I'm crazy, infact when I was complaining about a month ago about my Oncologist and what was going on my shrink was going to call her and tell her to backoff, but I said no that I would handle it.

Oh I'm mad! I see my shrink next week, I am asking her for her opinion of my "significant psychiatric history".

Thanks for letting my vent....I'm still so pissed I could spit fire!

[kimblanchard]

Okay, I agree that was a silly thing to write. And terribly insensitive, ignorant of the apparent facts, and all that.

But being pissed isn't getting you anywhere productive. Right?

So here is why you forgive this clown: because it will help you feel better. We don't forgive people to help them out, but because it increases our own happiness and emotional place.

But we usually need a reason to forgive, so here's yours: did this insensitivity lead to any wrong action? She wouldn't have done anything differently. You have gotten the treatments on the same days you would have, and so on. She hasn't acted on her insensitivity.

So forgive the jackass.

Curtis

[MJ]

hi beth,

sounds like you have a good psychologist by your side. i'm sorry about your doc's comments. sometimes docs can just make over-generalizing assumptions about things. it's unfortunate, but i really hope that it doesn't keep bothering you too much.

God bless,

mj

[-Cheryl-]

Iguess all of us chemo patients are crazy, Huh? Sounds like since she can't prevent the pain with her magic, it has to be yoU. Some docs can't accept defeat.

Cheryl

[Lisa O]

I am with Curtis Beth,

The Onc is an insensitive clod - but you are the one we care about so I would rather not waste energy on the clod. In the end, you couldn't tolerate that drug for either reason and a psychiatric hisory should not imply fault even if it had been A TRUE ENTRY. So try to move on for your sake.

[SJAS]

Kinda like Steve said when the nurse said that the insertion of a chest tube could be "pretty uncomfortable" - He said obviously anyone who would say that had never been through it! Sounds just like what's happening here!

[stand4hope]

Beth,

I don't blame you for being mad. I think her statement translates to "There's a strong possibility that this could all be in her mind." When you were screaming, crying and writhing in pain, it could hardly even be a consideration that it could be in your mind.

I would assume that since the doctor was clueless as to what was causing your severe pain, since she had never seen this happen before, that she felt she had to give some type of explanation. Some doctors probably would not like to write in a patient's record that they "don't know" or "I'm clueless". LOL!

It's easier to say "get rid of the anger" than it is to do it. I do think you should let the reactionary anger run its course before you make a decision on what, if anything, to do about the comment. Give yourself a day or two to calm down, and then if you're comfortable with it, it wouldn't hurt to just calmly talk to her about it and let her know it made you feel.

I got very angry at an attorney in our office today and wish I would have taken my own advice that I just gave above. My angry comments to him were valid, and I don't take them back at all, but if I could have just calmed down before I spoke, I would feel a lot better tonight about how I reacted. I probably came across like a teenager whose hormones are break-dancing rather than the professional I should have been.

Hang in there, hon. Try to get a grip on the anger as soon as you can and put this puppy to bed as soon as you can, otherwise, it could affect your cancer recovery and overall wearwithal to keep fighting.

Much love! Much love! is headed your way!

Peggy

[richinsdakota]

Taxotere, huh? My onc hit me with that...gave me pnuemonia infection in remaining lung...took 7 days of antibiotics and steroids before I could walk up the stairs again. Probly all cause of my "significant phsyciatric history"...sigh.

I wouldnt put too much significance to it....they gotta write intellectual gobbely gook to justify their fees, I guess...heh Anyway, any Doc. reading this will see it for what it is....nonsense.

Anyway....good luck to us all...take care and try to laff it off...Rich B.

[ellakc2]

Your onco dr. might treat cancer, but having it is a whole other horse. You should be pis__d. People let alone Dr.'s have absolutely no right.

Take care.

[SDianneB]

Beth, you're probably aware that I have some of those anger issues myself right now! I am ever thankful that I can post here and vent some of it, because I don't have the real live person to talk it out with like you do -- the hubby!

You should see me when I'm angry and typing -- my fingers FLY over the keyboard, and I type fast even when I'm feeling normal! It's like the anger peaks, and a few minutes after I'm done, a deep breath, and I'm back to being more calm.

I won't tell you at all to not be angry, because I'd be a real hypocrite if I did. I will say that having it and getting through it was a learning process for me, and one I'm still working at, and doing much better.

So, let 'er rip ...

Di

[Snowflake]

Oh Beth, of COURSE you shouldn't be angry. You should be smilin' and happy and life should be all sunshine and roses and it's all you, you, you! (Uh, yeah, right....only if the whole world were on Prozac!)

Damn straight, I know where you're coming from, I'd be hoppin' mad, too. I'd be learnin' my guys at work some brand new strings of curse words...I'd be contemplating a confrontation with a doctor who wouldn't treat me for very real pain because she thought I was crazy...hell, I'd SHOW her crazy! (Okay, kidding on that...maybe...I think...hmmmm)

I'm not saying you shouldn't be pissed/mad/upset. I think you should work through it and keep going. I think you should discuss it with the doctor, tell her that if she cannot treat you objectively in future, you would like to know so you can find a doctor that will! I think you are taking care of yourself well, knowing what problems you have had in the past and addressing the very real possibility of some of them returning with what you are going through.

(Boy, with all that thinking, my head is beginning to hurt!)

Go ahead, blow up, and then blow it off. In the end, you DID make it through all the crap. You are here, present tense. You have lived to fight another day. Wa-hoo on that one!

Keep on truckin' girl!

Becky

[Nushka]

I have an idea of how you must be feeling. My PCP got a letter from my surgeon that said "she seems to be a little over sensitive and didn't handle the situation well"...what he was referring to was when he came into my room on the 3rd day after surgery and told me that I had mets to my mediastinal nodes. Guess what? I had not had any pain meds....was exhausted....and I cried. I didn't get hysterical...just tears ran down my face. His answer to me was "at least you are not the next person I have to break bad news to"

The point is...he was a jerk...but he was a good surgeon. I would use him again if I had to have it done all over again. You are alive...so this person must have done something right. If you decide you can't handle her attitude....find another onco....but make sure they know what they are doing.

I am sorry this happened. I was pissed beyond belief. I cooled off and got on with it. I hope you can do the same thing.

Nina

PS...I just reread this and it sounds a little like tough love. I didn't mean it like that at all. I know you have had trouble with this jerk for a while and don't blame you for your reaction.

[Justakid]

Thanks everyone!

I'm still mad and intend to address this once I calm down. I have an MRI and Pet Scan coming up. Once they are done, I will see my shrink, see what she has to say about it and ask her to address my "mental state" with the Doctor.

I have switched Oncologists BUT, she needs to be straightened out. As far as the treatment she has given me.........seems to me that even though I had so much trouble with Taxotere (pain, fever, esophagus) all of these are symptoms/side affects. I still feel that a good Doctor could maybe "control" them. I am willing to try again, I'm going to talk to the new Onco and see what he thinks. If he can control the pain (or at least manage it better) and keep me healthy. I'd do it again!

Doctor's and patients become a team, team members work together and pull strength from each other. I'll do anything the Doc's tell me to do as long as they are there for me when/if there is a problem!

I'm too young.....I have 2 children....a husband....a life to live.....a new house....a job............I don't have time for nonsense like "making myself sick". I always thought you could work through treatment and I planned and counted on it. That Taxotere episode cost me alot of money, not to mention problems with my employer because I was unable to work.

Thanks for listening! I'll get over it and get it handled, maybe another week or so of being mad .

Although being so pissed off has made me feel better "physically", guess I got my fight back and it's taking over. Finally, I may be coming back! I've always been a strong person and able to take on anything or anyone....I think that was lost during treatment.

It's back!!!

[Remembering Dave]

beth - I just saw this - you didn't tell us about this! geez, you have every right to be mad. I really don't like that Dr. Lloyd at all. I'm so sorry you didn't get Dr. Schwarz, he is the kindest most understanding man out there, makes a great oncologist.

My mother is very very sensitive to drugs, as you well know. For a long time I thought she was just being a wimp, but after seeing her reaction first hand in the hospital these last six months, now I fully understand. It's not in her head, and it's not in yours.

Dr. Lloyd was NOT working you as a team, and I am glad you found a new guy.

Take care, my dear friend,

Karen C.