jjoan Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I am not sure if I should ask this but here goes anyways. My mom who was the greatest mother in the world and still is even if she is not here in body as I am still learning from her everyday through my memories of her. Well here goes, my mom was diagnosed with lc in Oct, 2003 and when she passed away we were not aware that anything was going to happen. She had never spent a night in the hospital (thank god) and she was weak but okay, I guess. The night she died was the first night I went home after about a week of staying at her place because she had the stereotactic radiosurgery 5 days before she died. My nephew stayed with her and when he woke up in the morning he found her in the bathroom and she obviously hemorrhaged. I am sick with grief thinking of how long she must have been there by herself and I didn't even know that there was a chance of that happening. Does anyone know of this happening before. We were told 3 weeks before that the tumor in the lung was small and it was stable. I have not visited with her oncologists since she passed away as I have been unable to go near the hospital where she received treatment but I would like to see them again and thank them for everything they did for her and us. They probably gave us more time with her then what we would have had if she didn't get treatment. It was been almost 6 months and it feels like yesterday and we are dreading the holidays but if anyone can let me know of this happening and what exactly happened I would appreciate it. thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Joan, How tragic your Mom's death was. It is very unfortunate. Please accept my condolences. We have had several deaths on this board from bleeding. Did your mom have radiation along with the chemo? This could cause tissue damage and healing impossible. I am not a doctor, and there could be other reasons. I would suggest getting copies of notes from the procedure done. Good luck, and keep us posted. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjoan Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 Hi, thank you for responding. My mom only had radiation to her brain because they told us just two weeks before that the tumor was so small the radiation to her chest would not help and what she needed was more chemo. I was told that the tumor can grow just overnight and it probably grew into a blood vessel but we will never know as there was no autopsy done (thank god for some things). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 jjoan, We lost my Dad last Oct. to lung cancer with mets to his brain. He also had stereotactic radiation to tumors in his brain but, unfortunately it did not help. Dad had 16 small tumors and they had found that two were bleeding. The doctor had also told us that the ones that were bleeding could rupture and cause instant death. He also told us that if Dad were to have a seizure from the brain tumors it could cause him to die. We feel fortunate that neither of the above happened and we lost him peacefully at home. I don't know if any of this is of any help but just wanted to let you know what we experienced. Keeping you and your family in my prayers. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjoan Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 Thank for responding and I guess my major is, is it instant death or do they suffer for a while. I am living with the thought that my mother was there for hours by herself and I don't want anyone to sugar coat it for me but I need to know. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 hi joan, i'm so sorry to hear about your mom. my mom, too, had brain mets and hemorraging in the brain (due to a reaction to coumadin-blood thinner). she suffered a stroke in the process due to all of it. at first, she complained of a headache and then she couldn't speak well and her left side went numb (due to the stroke--this was in the process of a day). the thing is since the cancer had spread to the brain and so many things were going on, my mom didn't seem to be aware of any pain during her last days. since your nephew found your mom in the morning (i.e. not in days), i pray that she didn't suffer much (it seems to have all occurred in a relatively short amount of time). i'm so sorry, once again. God bless, mj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Joan, I know how this must be consuming you (it probably would me too) but I think that at this point only God would have the true answser to your question. Not trying to "sugar coat" things for you but, from what my family understood Dad's oncologist to say was that the rupture in his brain or the seizures could cause instant death. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this worry as well as the loss of your Mom. I hope in time you can find peace with all of this. I am trying really hard to replace the memories of my Dad when he was sick with the great memories of him when he was well. I know I have to get past remembering how he was when he was ill to have some sort of peace of mind. I have faith that in time I will accomplish this. Keeping you in my thoughts. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjoan Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 From what I was told the bleeding was coming from the lungs and not the brain. They said if she was bleeding out it was from the lungs because the brain would not bleed out like she did. You all must think I am going crazy and at times I feel like I am especially now with the holidays. My mom has been gone since June 7, 2004 and I feel it is hitting me now really hard just like the first day and first hour. I think I am going to look into bereavement counselling and I think everyone would agree it would probably be the best thing I could do for myself. I have been taking care of myself physically lately by quitting smoking 4 weeks after my mom passed away and I have just received a clean x-ray and I just had the x-ray because I didn't want cancer to sneak up on my at my lowest point in time and now I have to get my mind in check also and be there for my kids which are the only thing that get me through the day, everyday. Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 jjoan, please be assured NO ONE here would think you are crazy! I have no answers to your questions, just wanted to let you know I'm so sorry for what you're going through and that you lost your mom this year. I know the holidays will be hard, and am glad to hear you're thinking of counseling. I just wanted to let you know I care. BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 jjoan, I am not a doctor but if I had to guess, I would say that I believe that your mom did not suffer for long. Just from what I have heard, from other people hemorraging..it would have happened quickly. Unfortunately, I don't know how it happened or what may have caused it. I think that anytime someone we love dies alone, we have all these questions and sometimes they will never be answered. Asking them is part of the grieving process. My 90 year old grandmother died alone after falling down one step in her basement and for months afterwards, I kept asking myself and others the same questions over and over. After awhile I felt like a nuisance to others, but I had so many unanswered questions. No one had the answers I so desperately needed. Bereavement counseling does sound like a good idea to get you through the worse times and past the holidays. Wishing you the best... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 One of my patients died of a pulmonary hemorrhage last week while I was in the room. I have to say this is actually pretty uncommon and I have only witnessed it a couple times. It is a rapid and painless death and I believe definitely harder on the family than on the patient. Your mom did not linger for hours and did not suffer. My patient was gone in about 60 seconds. Unfortunately her family was in the room when it happened which I am sorry about because it is a very hard thing to see. I was actually in the room going over this patients discharge paperwork (she was leaving the hospital that evening) and so I can attest that we doctors have no way of predicting when this sort of thing will happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjoan Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 Thank you so very much for replying, you will not ever know how it means to hear that for my mother's sake. Did you patient know what was happening or was the loss of blood so extreme that they were unaware because my mother apparently woke up and went into the bathroom but she was obviously bleeding before she left her bed and she died in the bathroom. I want to again thank you for your information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 jjoan, You probably are so relieved by what Dr Joe just wrote..Now that you know you need to take care of you..Try to think of your mom at peace right now, thinking about all the what ifs will drive you crazy...The holidays are going to be really hard.. I lost my precious dad last august so this will be my second christmas without him.. It doesnt seem any easier this year than it was last year.. We have what we call on the boards "our new normal" For many their new normal is learning to live each day with cancer, for some its learning how to care for their loved ones with cancer and for some like me its learning how to live our lives without our precious dads, dear moms, beloved spouses, wonderful brothers sisters uncles aunts and friends.. Whatever the case we know how you feel so if you need us we're here.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 jjoan, You surely do belong here and we welcome you! Please come back often! Glad you stopped by. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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