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New member feeling lost and alone

Guest cplsis

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I haven't been on the boards before but felt I desperately needed to talk to someone. To give you a little background: My fiance found out he had lung cancer on August 18, 2002. We decided to go ahead and move the wedding up to Sept 2, so I could move in with him and be there to take care of him when he needed it and also because I couldn't support 2 households on just my salary alone, as he couldn't work anymore.

They told us in the hospital that if it hadn't spread, that there was a possibility of a cure and it hadn't at that time. They put him on a round of chemo which ended the middle of Nov. They didn't give him anything else until after they had did test Jan 7, 2003. The test showed up that the cancer had spread to his brain so they did a round of radiation for 12 days. They told us then that he may have a year or as little as 6 months which was devastating news as I'm sure you all know.

They gave him time for the radiation to get out of his system and then called him in for an appt yesterday. I went to this appt with him so I could talk to the dr myself and find out where he stood now. It was not a good visit. She said that he has a max of 6 months and it may be weeks, or since it has spread to his brain, he could have a stroke and that would be it. This is very hard to take. This is the sweetest man you would ever want to meet and he is my life. I feel like we have been cheated. It was awful that he only had 6 months to a year when we married but now it seems like every time he has an appt. they take more time from us. I feel like my heart is being ripped out and I'm angry that his life is having to end at 55 years old.

I seem to have so much anguish and rage inside and don't know what to do with it. I don't want to spend the time he has left, feeling down and depressed, because that makes him miserable, but how do I deal with all this pain?

Another very stressing problem is when he was laid off from work for 9 months, he had to let his life ins. go because he couldn't pay for it and so now he has no life ins at all and I have no idea how I will bury him when the time comes. He is supposed to start getting his social security disability next month and we had planned to put all of it towards paying his funeral bill and getting that out of the way, but now there may not be time for that to happen, and I can't stand to think about something happening to him and not being able to pay for his funeral. Too as his condition gets worse, he will need constant care and I want to be there for him but if I quit my job, then I will not have any income after he is gone so I'm torn between spending as much time as I can with him and trying to support my daughter and myself later.

I'm sorry for going on so long but I guess I needed to vent.


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Please know that althought times right now are at a low spot, there is one thing I can assure you of - since you have found this group - you are definitely NOT alone. There are so many people here with technical info, wonderful stories of hope and victory over this disease. More importantly, you will find support and comfort that you truely need right now. I will pray for you, your fiance and your daughter for comfort and healing and, I hope strength for the days ahead. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! :lol:

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I would also try to go for a second opinion. There is much that can be done for brain mets. Please look into Gamma Knife, my father had it in January, and would not be doing as well had he not. Going for a second opinion you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain. I hope that you come back to the boards to give an update, or if you have any other questions or concerns. Take care, Deb

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You may feel lost but you are not alone. You have many friends here. First, doctors speak from statistics when they make a prognosis, which means there are people in the statistics that survive longer than the average. We were told my wife has 9 months and our attitude is she will survive longer than that and have as good a life as she can with what she is given. Some things have to be put in order (wills, etc.) but we should do that anyway. The thing my wife and I are working on together is to stay in the present and not try to second guess the future. Make the most of the time you are given -- do the little things that make the quality of life better -- heck, even do some big things, too! Best to you and blessings. Don

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Hi again,

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. It does make it feel a little better knowing that someone out there understands the emotions and issues concerning this devastating desease.

Everyone seems to be in agreement that he needs a second opinion but I'm not sure how to go about getting one. As I mentioned, we don't have any extra money right now since I am the only one able to work. And 8.00 an hour just doesn't go far. He is getting some state aid but it is only to pay outpatient bills for the cancer treatment. This is so hard..........I want to do everything I can to see that he gets better if possible, but what do I do? Get a second job and then I'm never there when he needs me, and I won't get to spend what time he has left with him. It seems like the harder you try, the worse things get.

I just don't know what is going to happen. I have some health problems that need to be checked into but I don't see how that is possible with the situation like it is now. I started feeling woozy headed just after getting to work this morning and my face feels like flushed or like you have a fever but I don't have one and I feel like if I close my eyes, I would just go right on off the sleep, like I've been drugged or something but I don't take any meds so I know that isn't it. I think it may be my sugar level. I had it checked when I applied for life ins. and it was 62 so I showed the test results to my dr and she had me come in for a blood fasting sugar check but it showed up ok. Sometimes if I go for too long without eating, I get the shakes and as soon as I eat, they go away. The only way to tell if that is what it is, is to go to a hospital so they can check it every hour or somthing and theres no way I can do that now either. Something is wrong in this country with all the money there is in it when people have to go without medical treatment when its needed.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for the support and I'm very glad I found this BB. If anyone wishes to contact me through email, use ladyhuntr@hotmail.com.


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