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Painfree is still eluding my mom


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A quick update on mom. She had the kyphoplasty surgery on her back yesterday morning, and other than a "backache" type hurt in her back that seem to have done the job on her back. Thank Heavens, BUT the doctors felt sure that this was also the cause of the pain across her front mid section. Even the surgeon who wanted to take out her gallbladder thought maybe the back surgery would do the trick. Well they were wrong!! Mom is still hurting terribly there and is having a very hard time breathing because of the pain. The breathing seems to be getting progressivly worse.

I feel so so guilty right now, I am still at home, in my pj's at 215pm. I have not done this since mom got sick last June. I am just exhausted from these last 3 week in and out of the hospital. I have been there every day and most nights. Always there by 530am everyday and stay until 7 or8. I know i should be there for her, but i cant seem to move today. She has a hard time asking for anything for herself, or telling them that she hurts. I guess I have spoiled her so much by doing litteraly everything for her. Noone gave me a book on "Caretaking for Mom 101",

i have just done what she would have done for me, as she has her whole life. I have made her totally dependant on me as I am her. This is not good and I have no idea what to do.

I have called her doctor already but since its the weekend, well you know how it can be when dealing with the "oncall" doc. She wants me to just pull another surgeon outta my hat(she didnt like the first one, me either) today on saturday, and get him to open her up and take the gallbladder or find out whats wrong, Her nuero surgeon already came today , he came early and she hand not realize the pain in the front was still that bad, as he woke her up when he came in. She did tell him thought her back was better she thought.

I guess we will most likely wait it out thru the weekend. I called my brother and told him if they tried to release her and she is still in pain, he might need to come here and help me advocate for her, as I feel like i can barely whisper right now. I will not take her back home again in pain, only to be back at the ER in 3 or 4 days. ANd there are so so many docs involved now, and about half are clueless, but trying none the less. wonder which one will actually release her? the one who admitted her? or or the back surgeon? Who knows......

Thanks for listening


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Kim, you are a good caregiver, but you can't go, go, go and not have some life of yur own. You will burn out and then not be good for anyone. Your not moving today is your body's way of telling you it needs to rest. You need to take care of yourself first, then your mother. Hang in there. Don

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Oh Kim,

My heart is breaking reading your last few posts. I wish I had some knowledge or other ability to help you and your mother, who it is clear you love so much.

There IS only so much you can do too. While your mom is in the hospital, I think you can and should rest as much as possible.

love and fortitude


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Thanks all, I really needed to hear those words. I have found the hardest thing to do thru all this has been to take time for me. Between Mom, my family at home, and my son who lives own his own, but I must drive him to and from work everyday as he is visually imparied. Luckily his gf is no longer working until after my grandbaby is born, and she will and has been driving him to work. I also drive me 13 yr old 12 miles back and forth to school everyday, and yes she could ride the bus, but i felt with me gone so much these days that sometimes thats our only time alone together. Thats really important to me right now. I have a grandmother here who at 87 still goes constantly,and would love to take a more hands on role in Moms care, but she drives Mom crazy, and me too. Just so set in her ways at 87.

I did finally go to the hospital about 5pm for a little over an hour. Long enough to change Moms bed and get her settled up for the night. Now that she knows I can change her bed she doesnt get up for the aides to do it. Yup Ive spoiled her rotten. LOL.

Thanks again, you all will never know how much just knowing someone cares enough to type a few words of encouragement mean to me.

God Bless


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I am just so sorry that the source of your Mom's pain has not yet been discovered. Hang in there and please don't let them discharge her until she is taken care of.

If you were my daughter I would be so proud of you for being the world's best Mom advocate. Everyone who is that sick needs someone like you on their side. You are doing an amazing job. I am amazed that you are hanging in there after all this time.

Please keep us updated on how you and your mom are doing.

Cindi o'h

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I agree with Ry. There must be some type of pain management treatment available at the hospital, and I hope they don't release her until her pain is under control. It really upsets me when I hear of people having pain when there are so many things available to control it.

I can identify with your exhaustion. I had similar circumstances when my dad was hospitalized for 6 months. I found that I could go and go and go, but then would just drop with exhaustion for a day or so. During that time I was also going to all my husband's chemo treatments and doctor visits, dealing with an adult son who was not coping well with his dad's lc, and working a full time job. Even with all that, nothing or nobody could stop me from doing what I could for my dad.

I know that recommending you slow down or take a break is a waste of my breath, because I was told to do the same thing and wouldn't stop doing everything I felt I had to do. There was one person in my family that caused me even more stress by continually telling me I didn't HAVE to be there with my dad so much. All it did was make me mad. Of course, I had to be with my dad that much. Some of his most basic needs weren't even being attended to because of the shortage of nurses (no blame here - it's just fact), and if I didn't make the long drive almost every day to do some of those things, I shudder to think of how miserable he would have been.

Even if I had to do it all over again now, I wouldn't do anything differently. We do what we have to do or what is in our heart to do and somehow we get the strength to make it through the days. I would suggest that you at least take vitamins, try to cat nap when you can, eat nutritiously and pray for strength.

My heart and prayers are with you, and please let us know when they either determine the cause of your mom's pain and get that pain under control.



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I am so sorry to read that your mom is in such pain and that the doctors are being such dunderheads.

I do have to second Don (isn't that always a safe bet)--but, also realize (like Peggy) that I am the pot calling the kettle black. Don's advice is sound, nonetheless.

I'm glad you are at least using the board to vent, at least. What would we all do without that option?!? (Thank you, Katie and Rick.)

You--and your mom--are in our thoughts and prayers.

Melinda (and Geoff)

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