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A whole lotta thoughts.....


Teacake

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Good Morning, LCSC Family;

Came on the boards this morning to check in and see how folks are doing. Didn't realize that I was drawn here for several reasons until I read several posts including Dean Carl's and Karen's and Cindy Oh's.

1) Terry (TBone) came out of a recovery program 1 yr ago this week. He was undiagnosed at this point. That happened Christmas Eve.

2) Yesterday was Ann's birthday (Terry's wife).

3) Tomorrow is their anniversary.

4) Daddy died 30 years ago today from lung cancer.

5) Terry and I had some very rough times his last year with us and I'm not dealing with that very well. As TeeTaa said in an earlier post, I'm running away.

Dean, thanks so much for your words of wisdom. Terry missed his 1 year anniversary by 19 days but did receive his AA chip from the representatives from the recovery program that participated in his funeral.

Karen, Terry lashed out at me and I don't know that I'll ever get beyond it. Also, I can remember Mama saying that when Daddy was sick he told her that if she had cooked him a green vegetable he wouldn't have gotten cancer. (Now, you gotta understand, this woman COOKED for Daddy and us. Full meals. In earlier days, Daddy was home only every other weekend or so due to his job and would get home sometimes 2:00-3:00 in the morning and she would either warm supper up 'cause she had expected him earlier or would cook a full breakfast. So I don't think the vegetables were the culprits. Could have had something to do with the 2 packs of Camels a day he smoked for about 30 years.)

Cindy, I'm so sorry about your sisters. I cannot imagine being in this world and not having mine plus another brother to depend on. I encourage you to try to talk to them. They probably need you as much as you need them.

Everybody, thanks so much for being here today. I know I've only posted frivolous stuff in the recent past but that is just how I deal with things. But believe that I care deeply for each and everyone of you.

I'm going home now, down to Mama's, gonna give a few hugs. And gonna make those nieces and nephews (teenagers) hug me back. They will appreciate that some day.....

Have a great Turkey Day. Get as stuffed as the bird.

Fran (aka Teacake)

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Fran,

it's tough, isn't it?

I went through tons of regrets when my dear cousin shot himself in the head and died alone on his bedroom floor. we were very close and shared lots of intimate thoughts, fears, and the depression we both had battled.

I don't know what to tell you, but you were there for your brother just like I tried as much as I could to be there for my cousin, and you have to find peace with that.

You go give those hugs, I betcha those teenagers will enjoy them alot more than you think.

take care, and enjoy and love your family - they're the greatest.

Karen

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Fran, I sympathize. I'm having issues with my sister and mother (age 91!) right now that are difficult, but not when compared to what you describe. My mother is good at the blame game, but I've found that if I stick to my guns with her, she generally comes around. She is just very frustrated and worried about me right now, understandably, and says all she can do is pray (she lives in Texas, Im' in Tennessee). So, I tell her over and over that's exactly what I want and need for her to do. It works until she gets worried again!

I call her as much as I can -- I even bumped up my cell phone plan so I could talk to her more and longer. We talk about just stuff, and it seems to help when she can hear my voice and know how good I'm feeling and what this or that doctor said, etc.

You'll get through it. Glad to hear you have such a great support system. This family stuff is just one more battle many of us have with this scourge they call cancer.

God bless you all, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Di

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(((FRAN)))--

1) Terry (TBone) came out of a recovery program 1 yr ago this week. He was undiagnosed at this point. That happened Christmas Eve.

2) Yesterday was Ann's birthday (Terry's wife).

3) Tomorrow is their anniversary.

4) Daddy died 30 years ago today from lung cancer.

5) Terry and I had some very rough times his last year with us and I'm not dealing with that very well. As TeeTaa said in an earlier post, I'm running away.

I am so sorry--I had not realized what an extraordinarily tough time of year this is for you and your family (whom we all love and respect so much). I wish I had words of wisdom to share...

I hope you are able to receive many a hug when you are down at your mother's. Y'all are in my thoughts.

Fondly,

Melinda

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Hi Fran.

God bless ya. And I mean that. There is just something about your family that I am drawn to. All of Y'all.

We all have our ups and downs and family issues. My brother, Dick, really took a lot of his anger out on me while he was going through his lung cancer. I don't know why or what that was all about. But, it doesn't mean I don't love him any less. I was too young, naive and mostly scared to death of his disease to communicate properly with him. I was so full of emotion and afraid to show him how scared for him (and me) that I was. Maybe that was the source of his pain. We had been very close off and on throughout his whole life. Mostly on. He too suffered from the alcohol abuse and some drug use. And I don't know if he ever did sober up. I hope so. What a man, though. Wonderful. Handsome. Clever. Eyes that drew you into his soul. Eyes that said back to you or to a stranger..."you are SOMEBODY" He had a way with charm and didn't focus or realize his full potential for his natural gifts.

Thank you for especially thinking about me. It has been tough and it has been beautiful. I am so lucky to be alive. And as much pain as I feel at times, I also feel at least as much joy. I am ALIVE>>>and I am a living, feeling human being.

I have not closed the book on my family. I have just completed another chapter and I have just put the book down for awhile. It remains open and ready to be picked up, when I don't find it too frightening. I hope that will be soon, for all of our sakes.

You would have loved my Dad. He was a camel straight smoker too. When he was in the hospital and I flew down to Little Rock to see him, he grabbed his camels out of his pocket and we went outside for a smoke. As he inhaled, he said. "First cigarette I have had in three days." How does it taste? I ask? "like a fart" he says.... this man. Too cute. He was a good old boy. He should have been born in the South or the Wild West. He was so down to earth and fun and funny and knew what was important. People. Folks.

Stories. Hard work. Whiskey (for him and his buddies) A little snort. And more good stories. Angie, Daughter of Bill...her daddy and mine and yours would all get along good I am thinking.

Well, Fran. It is good to hear from you and I hope that one day that I will make it to Georgia to take all of you girls up on a picnic or some such. Your family sounds quite a bit like mine. A lot of heart and soul. I love mine, and I know you love yours.

I have to email TeeTaa with my new address... and I should you too. I know how busy she has been. I don't forget about her though, nor do I forget about Caleb or Anna. I pray for those kids and hope that they are doing as all right as all right can be.

Love to you Tea. And to all of y'all.

Cindi o'h

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