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A few jokes I picked up in the cancer ward.


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Cat and God

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he

meets the Lord Hinself.

The Lord says to the cat, ''You lived a good life, and if there is any

way I can make your atay in heaven more comfortable, please let

me know.''

The cat thinks for a moment and says, ''Lord, all my life I have lived

with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.''

The Lord stops the cat and says, ''Say no more,'' and a wonderful, fluffy

pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and

all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with

the same offer.The mice answer, ''All our lifes we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running. Do you think we could have roller skates

so that we do not have to run?''

The Lord says, ''Say, no more'' and fits each mouse with beautiful new

roller skates.

About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, ''How are things since

you got here?''

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, ''It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever suspected. And those 'Meals On Wheels'

You've been sending by are the best!''


Chris and Paul were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.

''What's the matter?'' asked Chris of his buddy.

''You look kind of down.''

''My wife just told me that my lovemaking is like a news bulletin.''

''Why's That?''

''Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.''

Father and son.

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.

However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing

back down.

This goes on for a while, when his wife sticks her head out of the

front door and yells, ''You need more tail.''

The father turns to his son and says, ''Son, I'll never understand

your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told

me to go fly a kite!''


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