J.C. Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 Cat and God One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Hinself. The Lord says to the cat, ''You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your atay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.'' The cat thinks for a moment and says, ''Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.'' The Lord stops the cat and says, ''Say no more,'' and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.The mice answer, ''All our lifes we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we do not have to run?'' The Lord says, ''Say, no more'' and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, ''How are things since you got here?'' The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, ''It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever suspected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' You've been sending by are the best!'' Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris and Paul were having a beer at the neighborhood bar. ''What's the matter?'' asked Chris of his buddy. ''You look kind of down.'' ''My wife just told me that my lovemaking is like a news bulletin.'' ''Why's That?'' ''Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.'' Father and son. A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down. This goes on for a while, when his wife sticks her head out of the front door and yells, ''You need more tail.'' The father turns to his son and says, ''Son, I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!'' J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 Jackie, Those were cute.My wife is always telling me to go fly a kite.Next time she says that I'll tell her I need more tail.(cancer may be the least of my worries after that). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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