Jump to content

up for a moment, then way downnnnnnnn


shelliemacs

Recommended Posts

Hi all,

well friday my mom not only looked good, she actually used the words "I fealt soooo good today" I was over the moon, beside myself with glee, joy, utter bliss. I came home friday night, dropped to my knees and thanked GOD that he was finially hearing me.

then saturday.......

She did not look as good saturday monring by 8 am but she said since I went and rented a wheel chair she wanted to go to an antique fair as planned. We wheeled her around the fair for about 2 hours and then went and got her something to eat. There she choked and got so upset and fatiged that she just wanted to go home. On the way home she decided she wanted to go to walmart for just a few things since it has been about 3 weeks since she had been out of the house.

we rolled her around the store and I could see the last of her energy plummit. I got her home by 2 pm and she went in, put on her pj's and all that was there friday was gone. The pain was back, in her legs and back. she was totally fatiged and exhuasted again. I gave her a darvocet for pain and 4 hours later she got her ambien for sleep and she was out.

Sunday.

still had leg and back pain. still exhausted, didn't do anything today. I went over to clean the house and do the laundry for her and my step dad and ALL the hope and joy I had was dashed and down the drain.

NOW I am again inpanic mode over the leg pain and back pain. she says the back pain is from her Hiatal Hernia and the leg pain is still from chemo (this is her talking) me..well you all know my and the CWD I can't get past the panic that its more cancer spreading to bones and spine. I am besides myself with fear again and am so stricken with fear over the upcomming MRI next Monday for the head mets that I dont think I can make it trought this week.

Why do they have to suffer..l...why do we go into total panic mode over anything and everything...its just hell to live like this. Will we have to endure this for the rest of our lives??? is every ache, pain, sneeze, twitch, throb and lump going to mean cancer.....will the fear ever go away????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its true what they say about this being a rollercoaster ride. Two weeks ago I was elated when bone scan was clean. Now Im in a depression as my father has missed three weeks of treatment.

Youre right, why do they have to go through this. My father was good to every person he's ever met. He's quiet, kind, unselfish. WHY HIM???? WHY AGAIN - he battled lymphoma TWICE!!!

I guess Ive not been any help, I just felt like yelling with you.

Always praying for you Shelly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shellie, I know exactly how you feel. It is bad enough that our parents are getting older, but to no be able to just brush aside even the most minor ache or pain, or tirdness-we go into overdrive and think "oh, no...what if its the cancer." While we must keep an eye out to try to catch further mets, or nip side effects of treatment in the bud, we must also try to remember that aging in and of itself comes with its baggage.

That said, you will worry always, as we all do, and must pull yourself back fromt he edge. If you are really concerned and these pains persist or get worse, by all means call your moms doctor-or oncologist. But also, could it be that since she felt so good on Friday, she over did her activity? My dad has done that several times. He takes the fact that he feels good, and runs himself ragged, although his activities never quite returned to "pre cancer" status, he over did his activites, ignoring the fact that he is undergoing treatment for an illness.

It is important that we try to keep things in perspective, and give our loved ones a chance to have a bad day or two. Much as it is painful to watch, we must remind ourselves that the treatment alone can cause pain, fatigue, and physical and emotional side effects that can easily be confused with being symptoms of the disease.

We face the duty of remaining steadfast in our loved ones treatment and-if possible- ASAP diagnosis of symptoms of further metasis, and also must carry on the duty of "going on with life as usual." Creating this balance is a daunting and seemingly impossible task...but it kind of happens, granted it might be in short spurts, but it does kind of happen.

The tricky part is that WE MUST LET IT HAPPEN

And if you come upon any helpful hints as to how to do this, please share them...For me, I just take a step back and would say, look she felt fine on Friday, as your mom said, she fealt "soooo good". I would try to pull myself back out of the panic by saying, if the cancer were spreading so fast, she would probably NOT have felt "sooo good" on friday...she must have overdone it, sometimes it is AS easy to get carried away when they are feeling good, and allow them to become run down, as it is to worry when they don't have a good day.

Try to get some rest, give your mom a few days. She will see more "good days", and, unfortuantly she will see more "tired, achy days", too. We knew to worry about my dad when the "tired, achey"days got progressively worse.

Try to take care of yourself, and come here when you need to get some perspective or support or advice.

Take care, Deb

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shellie,

My girl!

You know that you and I feel the same way about all of this. The CWD club where to qualify for membership you have to be completely emotionally beside yourself with panic, paranoia and a good dose of over doing everything.

I'M SO SORRY> Deb said it best about calling the Dr. and keeping things in perspective as far as your mom feeling so good Fri. but all the way down on Sun. I think she wore herself out too. My dad does that OFTEN. Not leaving the house except for Dr. apts. and then when we have a day planned or a full day every once in a while - he gets SO run down. It's like you can actually see the energy (what little he has) drainng out of him.

I would definitely tell the Dr. to check and test for possible causes of your mom's pain, just to be safe. Then enjoy those days that she feels so good- You're doing so much for her and she knows that.

You're one tough cookie and I only wish I could be there to help..(or vice-versa! :wink: )

E-mail me when you need to talk ok. Prayers going out for your mom tonight and everynight!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shell~

I think that this disease feels like a rollercoaster because we are on a major high, or in a crisis mode. How he feel as caregivers is based on how our loved one feels from day to day. We are held captive in a constant state of fear. There isnt anything we really can do about it about the fear, so we must take it one day at a time. We also have to turn thing our to the Lord after we have done our best. I watched the video called When God Doesn't Make Sence by Dr. James Dobson. It helped me put into perspective that as much as we don't like it we are not the ones in charge here.

I think that all of the fun you were having just wore her out :wink: . Give her a couple of days rest and she will be ready for another day on wheels :P .

Hey, what's the CWD club anyway???? Must have missed the memo....

Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way,

Hugs, Shelly

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I sooo appreciate you all I can't say it enough. Your all right. I do think she wore herself out Saturday with the Antique Fair and Wal-mart. I am going to give her till Monday. Thats when she sees the doctor anyway for the follow up Brian MRI to see if Head Radiation did the trick on the Mets.

That is just more anxiety there. I know everyone on this board knows this same anxiety. It takes your breath away to wait for the test to be done...then wait for the results. You can't get a deep breath at all.

I know I have a tense week ahead and so does everyone else on her who has scans this week.

I am praying very very hard this week. I am saying my St. Jude Novena 18 times a day and praying every second that I am not doing anything else.

Shelly FYI- CWD = Cronic Worry Disorder - the constant and uncontrollable ability of one to manifest every possible negative outcome that could possible happen and then create more negative outcomes when others are proven positive or negative. As well as the ability to never relax and enjoy any moments of happiness or joy to their fullest extent due to the fact that some horrific or tragic event may or may not occur in the future.

enrollment is free and we are seeking other paranoid members at any and all times.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.