SDianneB Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Wow. 2/3 of the way done - finally! Had a talk with the techs this morning and suggested we work on a method that will allow patients to sit upright in a chair with some kind of head vise that doesn't cover the mouth and nose! They said that they used to use a strap around the forehead, but people could still wiggle around too much, and this mask is the only thing they've found that works as well as they need it to. Well, obviously, you don't want your head wiggling around while the radiation is going through it - ack! Kathy, the simulator person, was in with me again today, and we talked about my "clean" PET scan. Also ran into the nutritionist I had seen while having chest radiation -- she ran up and hugged me really big! It was good to see her. She was a tremendous help to me. I had on my Christmas shirt with the kitties on it, so we all laughed about that! It was an easy, fun morning. I thought last night that I'd share some of the inner, secret fears I've had. I laugh about the image from the Stephen King stories of the machines deciding to take over and me having my head strapped down under that big radiation monster, but the real fears -- the ones that you find have made you hold your breath when you are thinking about them -- those are the ones I mean. The biggest one is the thought of radiation going into my brain -- on purpose. I was fully informed about this procedure for a long time before having it, so I knew exactly what was going to happen. What I didn't realize was the connection -- the DUH feeling -- when the first treatment began and I saw those lights as Addie had described. THAT made it real. THAT made it known to me that something was really happening. When I had chest radiation, it wasn't at all like that. Yes, I could hear the machine making little noises while doing its thing, but there were no lights, no masks, no restraints at all, and no reminders every time I was on the table that they were frying me from the inside out! This PCI is different. It's almost as if I can hear the noises and see the lights, and I wonder how many brain cells I'm losing that I may need. So Di, make it as bad as it can be made. The treatments just aren't that bad, even given the bleepin' mask. It's the benefit we get from it that matters -- THAT is why I have it, and THAT is why I go back every day and why I will finish this out. The reality is that I didn't just consent to PCI, I wanted it - I wanted it when I first researched it and found out the benefits. I lobbied for it when they were being equivocal about my chest CT in October, and until the clean PET scan in November. I went after it with a vengeance. I'm having it because it matters to me to have that much extra chance of survival. I'm still feeling fine -- going to work every day. Rather than feeling sleepy, I feel "droopy" at times. When I'm at work, I just get up and walk around for a few minutes and it goes away. No headaches still. Hair is still in place so far. I suspect that will change next week. All in all, a good day! Bright and sunny outside, and another great day to be alive!!! Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.