mscyn4u Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Good Morning and hello everyone. I came home from the hospital today for a break, my husband has a lot things going on and he is not handling them well. The oncologist says the final pathology report indicates the tumor was Stage IIA, the lymph nodes surrounding the tumor were clear however, a lymph node attached to the tumor was positive, the membrane removed from the fluid around his heart was also negative. He has heart issues going now and they are concerned there may be some slight blockage. They want to do a stress test, but it has to take place once he is recovered from the lobectomy. He has been given a nitro-glycerine patch on his leg, and some other meds to dialate the blood vessels. He is still draining from the chest tubes and his legs and feet are swollen tremendously. He has fluid in the lungs and says he has trouble breathing. He won't cough like he should and when I try to get him to do his breathing exercises in the apparatus he gets this look, like will you leave me alone!!! and says he will do them when it doesn't hurt. He is very irritable and keeps a fan going in the room and I freeze while in there visiting, he claims he cannot breathe without it. The nurses have turned up the oxygen and I see no signs of distress, nor do the lung specialist indicate there is a medical reason for his shortness of breath. I am beginning to wonder if it is all anxiety produced. I left the hospital last night around 9 am after being there for 12 hours. At 11:30 p.m, he called me back saying he could not breathe and because we live 5 minutes away, I go up there and he seems to be breathing fine. The nurses were busy with a person that "coded" in the room next to Rob's but he felt like they didn't care if he could breath or not. He wants me there around the clock because he feels like he might go to sleep and not be able to breath. This is wearing me out. Does any one have any suggestions. I told the night nurse before I left at 1 a.m in the morning that maybe they should talk to the doctor about some type of anxiety reducing meds or something to help him sleep at night. I don't get enough rest being there all night and all day. I need to come home to recoup. He hurt his sisters' feelings while she was here from out of town this weekend and daily he is barking orders at me like I work there. He has turned into a tyrant and he says something to the effect like "Can anyone understand I am sick here?" Does that give someone the right to treat their loved ones in such a harsh way. I am at my wits end and I am not going back until later this afternoon, so I can figure out how to help him and remain sane!!! Please give me some suggestions Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Your husband is scared of dying, so he lashes out at everyone, is my guess. You can't stay with him constantly or you will be in the hospital yourself as a patient. You have a toughie situation, no doubt about it. Can you get help from family or friends? He probably needs counseling from someone he trusts, besides yourself. My prayers are with you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Insist on better pain relief. He's right: he can't use the breathing exercise apparatus (called an incentive spirometer) when he's hurting so badly. His shortness of breath is real , no matter what the cause. If he has fluid in his lungs, that will certainly cause shortness of breath, and anxiety doesn't help matters. Both of these things can be treated. Best wishes to you both, teresag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 I too would talk to the doc. about stronger pain meds and an anti-anxiety drug. I think they would help tremedously. He's scared and when people are scared they naturally want their "rock" with them. He feels safe when you are there. It is a terrible situation. But maybe with more meds he will calm down and you can both get on an even kneel. Thinking of you, God bless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Dear Cyntha-- You and Rob are experiencing the tough times right now, and I feel so badly for you. Having had a lobectomy, I just want to reassure you that I wanted my husband there ALL THE TIME that I was awake immediately after my operation. Fortunately, we have a close friend whom I trust, who would come and stay with me when Bruce needed to be gone, or just to give him some relief. However, I was comfortable enough spending the nights without them. Do you have someone you can turn to? As another reassurance to you, as EVERYONE who knows me will attest, I am a dear, sweet, loveable little old lady , but I turned into a snarling, mean-spirited witch in the hospital when the epidural fell out and they essentially said "deal with the pain because we don't want you to be addicted and us have to bring you down from that". Luckily I turned all my venom against the night nurse who refused to let me have my hot water bottle any more because I might burn myself, rather than against my husband. Nevertheless, it was as if I had a personality change...and I just couldn't seem to stop myself. At a later date, I apologized to the nurse. HOWEVER, I agree with all those posting above that you should try to have the pain issue addressed. If I had known then what I know now, I should not have been left in so much pain. As someone else mentioned, pain actually interfers with healing. I also relate to Rob's attitude about the spirometer...I HATED that thing. I would only have to LOOK at it, and I would start coughing. However, I FORCED myself to use it regularly and even took to writing down WHEN I used it and HOW far up the column it went, because I caught myself hedging about how often I was using it. I really believe my intentional use of it speeded up my recovery, so instead of smashing it to bits with the sledge hammer (my origional thoughts), I considered "bronzing" it . I still have it and take it out and gloat about how easy it is now to make it go all the way to the top . Is Rob hugging a pillow tightly against his chest/side when he coughs? I wish there were more we could do besides commiserate and assure you that we have been there too. The heart issue is another concern for you both. Try to take one day at a time and deal with only those matters which arise. Thinking of you and praying for better days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 I would agree with DON, the uncertainty often makes people angry. This is true all the way down to the more simpler thinks like being lost while driving or etc.. this is definitely a much larger scale and would most likely generate much more anger and fear... I will be praying for you and your Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophia88 Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I think the anger make it easier for them to think about leaving us. It seems they strike hardest at those they love. After all we are the safest to be angry at because they know how much we love them. The anti-anxiety medication would really help him calm down and begin dealing with the diagnosis, as well as formulate a plan. If he is stage II he has options available to him..hang on he will get through this stage. Please take time to get away from the hospital and to relax yourself. This journey is a long one and sometimes you just have to step back from it and take a breather. Family members are a great resource. I help my Mom all I can and I know she is so grateful for the break sometimes. God bless you and keep you in his light...take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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