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FALL 54 JANE . . . . .


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Hi Peggy and all of my lc friends,

I got a special Christmas card today that I came here to respond to. I havent left and forgotten all of you, I have left and remembered all of you. Here it is 6 months since my Brothers death and I am still in the grasp of a depression. I dont believe it is all due to his death but more due to life's hard knocks. This has been the hardest year of my life. Some may not know this but my 1st husband was killed in a car accident at age 29 and we were married for 10 years and had 2 sons. That was devastating. His Father was just operated on this past Thursday with a brain tumor that has metastasized from his lung. He is 82. I spent this past weekend in Massachusetts at the hospital seeing him whom I dearly love. The operation they say was a complete sucess and they are going to start radiation on his lung and then do wbr on him. I dont know if he is strong enough to get through this but I do know he was one strong man all his life.

My husbands Brother may also have cancer as they have found something supspisious on his kidney.

Is it me or is there just more cancer in the world now than used to be. Is it the fact that I am 50 and older and that is why I am seeing it? I have been off my medication for depression since October but my husband thinks I need to begin taking it again as he says I am just not the happy girl I used to be. He says that he has also been depressed this whole year watching me fall apart.

I guess I felt this wasent the place I needed to be for me or for any of you.

I am a very spiritual person and want to always be able to help people and not make them feel my hurt, my fears etc. I want to share encouragement and support.

I love you all and have stayed away for all the above reasons. I do however come in and check on you and pray you are all doing well. It has been hard for me to break away from the attachment I feel to all of you. Please forgive me for my distance but understand my love.

God Bless You All and

Merry Christmas


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There you are, you little stinker. I've been worried about you.

Yes, Jane, my friend, you have had a very rough year, including Alan's way-too-young death.

It seems the waves of depression just come and go at different times of our lives, sometimes with one reason, sometimes with no reason, but most of the time because of many reasons.

Heck, I was depressed at 12 because of the new monthly thing I had to cope with, at 16 because my first love broke up with me, at 28 because I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, at 30 because I was 30, at 34 because our baby died, at 40 because I wanted to retire already and still had 25 years to go, at 45 because I was 45, at 48 when my grandmother died, at 50 because of hot flashes and my mom died, and at 54 because my husband got cancer, and at 55 because my dad died. And in between all that, I usually was up one day and down the next about one thing or another. Geesh! There's just a lot of crap to go along with life, huh?

Now, flipping all that around, briefly flash back and take a look back over your life like I just did. Now, stop and think of all the things that happened in between all those sad times, and you will be amazed at how much joy and happiness and fun and laughter there has been in your life. Somewhere in there you found the Lord, or should I say that He found You. Either way, He loves you profoundly.

Take the meds if they will help you feel better, Jane, but also try to reflect on your wonderful life, all the fun times you had with Alan when you were kids and adults. Think of your kids and all the funny things they've said and done, and all the accomplishments they've made. If none of that works, come back here and read some of the posts, Just for Laughs, and all the funny comments some of our new people make in their posts. You probably haven't talked to Di yet, or Cindi'Oh, or Addie. They are guaranteed to make you smile just reading their posts.

It's so good to hear from you. Be well, my friend!



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It sounds like you have had one hell of a year my dear. I certainly understand not being able to be here among all of the troubles we have on the board as well as the ones you are facing at home. Just know that we miss you and that you are on my prayer list daily. I think of you often and hope you are feeling better very soon. Your husband might be right. Those depression meds help alot when they work. If the one you had was helping I would start taking it again. At least until you get into a more peaceful time in your life. I hope your holidays aren't too bad for you and that you have some happy times to remember.


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Happy Holidays my dear, sometimes the only thing I can do is read the goodnews posts and the just for laughs posts and I cannot deal with the other ones. And somedays I have lots of strength and can give back some of the wonderful support I have found here, but either way you are an important part of that support and it is important for you to understand that it can't be all just giving, sometimes you need to receive from us. We love you Jane, take care of yourself and come see us when you can!



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