Thank you for the Christmas Cards

[kimmek]

I just wanted to say thank you to Ry and Fay for sending the Christmas cards, that is such a nice thing to do. They bothreally brightened my day. Believe it or not those were the only cards I got this yr. I didnt send any out, maybe thats why. A tough yr to be happy at Christmas. I hope hope though that everyone here has a wonderful holiday and is able to spend it with the ones they love.

I have alot of anger these last few days, and so want it to pass. I have not ever really been "close" to my only sibling (brother) but this past yr we have made progress in our relationship. When my kids were young my mom was always with us at Christmas, but the last 4 yrs or so, she has been spending this holiday with my brother and his family. My kids and Ihave never been invited and I dont know why I expected this yr to be different, but I did, and since nothing changed Iam hurt I guess. After all, at one point this yr I wasnt even sure Mom would be here to spend CHristmas with anyone. You would think we could all be together as a family. There are only us,no extended family really. My parents dicorced 20 yrs ago, and although my dad is near and speaks to Mom we have not spent christmas with himin along time. I feel so alone. It also makes me mad that we are not "having" Christmas due to finacial reasons, as I have been unable to work since caring for Mom, and I would have had it no other way, but my brother whom I am so proud of his accomplishments is very well off. It hurts so, that we are left here alone with nothing but each other,and he takes my mom away to his home 3hours away to have a merry christmas.

This was supossed to be a thank you post, and I turned it in to a feel sorry for me post.UGG!!!! So sorry. but I guess I needed to vent in hopes I would quit feeling sorry for myself and daughter, and quit the crying.

Merry Christmas to all, and starting right now I am going to count my blessings instead of counting what I dont have,

Love,

Kim

[Elaine]

Kim

I can really feel the hurt pouring from you. Family dynamics can be so difficult, and the holiday season often brings those pains to the forefront.

Is there any way you can speak to your mom about this? Can she speak to your brother?

My two "babies" have grown somewhat apart over the years. And I know that one thing I want so desparately is for them to hold onto each other and stay in each other's lives.

I can't imagine that your mother doens't feel the same way.

I also want at least one of my brothers to step in and be there for my kids, but I doubt that will happen.

I just pray my illness doesn't add any more separation to my family.

I wish the same for you and yours.

love and fortitude

elaine

[Fay A.]

Kim,

I feel your hurt. When I was young I was estranged from my relatives. A friend suggested to me that instead of sitting in my apartment alone I should consider volunteering to prepare Christmas Dinner for the homeless, or help with a children's group home (I usually spent holidays with this friend, but she was travelling out of state that year). At first I thought "No.", but the closer it got to Christmas the more I thought I didn't want to just sit around. ( I hate sitting around doing nothing.) So I did volunteer in a church Soup Kitchen. I didn't go to that church. I didn't know any of those people on either side of the food line. Not servers nor diners. It was hard work and it was one of the best days of my life.

I'm not a Pollyanna....But I do know that there is no reason for you and your daughter to be alone this holiday. And if nothing else, maybe you could call your brother tonight and ask him if you can all spend Christmas together. All he can do is say "No.", and will that really hurt any more than the way you are feeling now?

Wish we were neighbors, Kim. I really do.

[Don Wood]

Kim. I am sorry that there is still discord in your family. From my view, your mom could make it happen if she took the effort to get all together. I'm sorry she hasn't done that, since we don't know how many Christmases we have.

Lucie makes it clear each year that she expects us all to come together for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it happens. There are the usual sibling noises but it is background noise when all join together to celebrate life.

I wish for you a special Christmas Day. Don

[Ginny]

Kim,

Just a thought. Have you told your Mom how you feel? Or have you called your brother? Maybe if you make the first move ....... It is the season for miracles.

[Ry]

Kim,

Sometimes people just do not realize how their actions hurt others. Your brother may have no idea that you would like to be together as a family. In his mind he may think you want to be with your kids and have Christmas just with them. It won't hurt to ask if you can all get together at some point, if not for Christmas then New Years maybe.

I wish you a happy holiday.

Rochelle

[stand4hope]

And if nothing else, maybe you could call your brother tonight and ask him if you can all spend Christmas together. All he can do is say "No.", and will that really hurt any more than the way you are feeling now?

DITTO! DITTO! Why not give it a try? If it doesn't work, that's ok, it just means it's not meant to be - at least not yet.

All my love and hugs to you, Kim!

Peggy

[kimmek]

Wow I go to the mail box today, and there is a card from Melinda and Geoff. THANK YOU!!. Whoever had that idea to send cards, its a wonderful thing. I cannot express what 3 cards have done for me this season.

I got mom off yesterday, but not with out bawling my eyes out. I was at her house when i read Fay's response and lost it, and she of course wanted to know what was wrong. I read her my post. I feel i have only hurt her. I know she did not want to go to my brothers. I had her at ER all day sunday, I think she wanted to be sick so she would not have to go. She really just wanted to stay home and sit alone in her apartment. Im not sure she would have even come to my house for a bit. I am so happy that she has gotten out of the house, I now she wont sit around feeling sorry for herself at my brothers (she always makes things out to him like all is perfect). Mom called this afternoon, letting me know she was ready to come home,( i knew this would happen). She is totally dependant on oxygen, but drs have told her she does not need oxygen 24/7. But knowig my brother doesnt like to see her on it, she wont use it in front of him.I just hope that if she truly needs it she will not be afraid to use it.

Its exactly things like the oxygen that make me so upset. I dont get why just because he has a "perfect" life, we must pretend we do too. But i am pretty sure thats why my kids and I dont get invited to his house. We are not even close to being perfect. My kids might corupt his or something. I will never be able to tell my brother how i feel, this would hurt my mom terribly. She loves us both, she and i are unusually close, and share a unique relationship, which is also something my brother has a problem with, I guess he thinks kids should grow up,move out,get good job and call home once a month(more often if you are sick),and send money when needed. He told me recently that he has always planned and saved money in order to care for mom when she got older/sick. He knew I never would be able too. So it was pretty much said that he would help finacially(for her only) and I would take care of her in every other way.

I wonder why it upsets me so that i have not been invited to spend Christmas with him? I dont exactly agree with most of his morals and values. I think I just want a "normal "family whatever that may be.

I will go get Mom Sunday morning. My brother lives about an hour north of Dallas and they got quite abit of snow, so that was nice for her. We only got yucky cold rain here.

Thanks for listening

Kim