One day up, the next down. Wll it even out?

[paddy]

Hello Everyone,

I must confess I am finding it very difficult to handle this grieving process. Yesterday I was coping well and thinking I was beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel and, then, today I am missing my David so terribly that I can hardly function. I am missing his tall, huggable presence and his kind and loving ways and I just can't stop crying. Suddenly it all seems as new as when he first passed away.

I am supposed to be going to stay with friends on Christmas night but I honestly feel like whimping out. I don't to upset them either and I fear I might.

Thanks for listening,

Paddy

[kimblanchard]

I don't know at all whether it evens out. There are always good days and bad days. The only hope is that the trend is positive, so that the good days become a little better and even the bad ones, too, over time.

If your friends are close friends, which they must be to invite you over Christmas evening, they will be more bummed by you choosing to stay alone and refusing their support than they will be with your presence. Even if you feel like you are bringing them down, they invited you because they want to support you. There is so little anybody can do for us while we are grieving; it would be a shame to deny them that.

Curtis

[Ginny]

Dear Paddy,

I am 2 1/2 months ahead of you on this lousy grieving. Curtis is so right. Some days or hours or minutes are just fine and then BAM you just disolve into a big heap of tears.

Absolutely, spend Christmas with your friends. They would not invite you if your were not wanted. I also find it easier to stop crying if I am with other people. I wave my fingers in front of my eyes when I cry. Seems to help me regain my composure, I have no idea why.

This widowhood is not for the weak, it truly stinks. Glo said that it is like you life is in a holding pattern. I find that very accurate. I am on hold, just waiting for Earl to walk back into my life, just as you are waiting for David. The permanance of this is what is so horrible.

Don't stop living a life. The busier you are, the better, the less time you have to fall apart. Paddy, if you like PM me your tel # and I will give you a call or ask me for mine and give me a call.

Hang tough dear, it is not a fun journey.

Love,

[kimmek]

It so breaks my heart to hear everyone hurting so. Although my husband did not die from cancer, he did none the less die. It has been a bit over 8 yrs now, and yes it does get better, but it is always going to be with you,as well it should. I dont find myself crying all the time now, but do tend to get emotional when it concerns my daughter. Like last May when she tried out for majorette at school ( and made it) it broke my heart that he was not here for her. I enrolled her in twirling classes right after he died, in hopes of giving her something other than thinking of her Dad, and 8 yrs, many trophies and awards later,she is thriving. Everytime i watch her twirl my thoughts go to him for some reason. I used to be sad or even mad that he wasnt here to share this with her. But then I realized he was right here with here,probably even more so than I am.

There is nothing I can say that will help this pass any quicker or easier, although I highly recommend being with friends,family or even strangers,as opposed to being alone. I took that path, and for 3 yrs i was pretty much a zombie and never left house. I took advantage of everyone and everthing i could, to avoid living life. It did not help one bit, and it wasnt until i went back to work,met people(we had just moved to a new town when he died), and started doing things again, that i could get thru the day without crying. Pretty much the only thing that kept me going was my kids( ihave 2 older ones from my 1st marriage) and sometimes even today in dealing with my moms illness I want to run way, but i cant, there are too many that love and depend on me.

The first's of everything are the worst, so during those trying times, take it 1 hour at a time, if need be. It will pass and get easier. Never be afraid or ashamed to cry. our bodies need that and i think it relieves stress and anxiety.

God Bless Everyone

Love,

Kim

[paddy]

Thank you so much Curtis, Ginny, and Kim you have helped me through this bad day. How nice it is to have this "little family" to rely on for a boost when you need it.

Love and Thanks,

Paddy

PS. Ginny, Thank you so much, I will send you a pm tomorrow when I feel stronger.P

[stand4hope]

Paddy,

Stick close to Ginny. I'm glad you two are communicating. I hope that many of you who have lost spouses have a PM, email or telephone call hotline going on between you. What a wonderful support group we have here.

As always, PM, email or call me, too, if you want to talk.

All my love,

Peggy

[jean]

Dear Paddy, I feel the same way. I lost my husband on Sept. 30, 2004 to lung cancer. I thought I was doing better but over Christmas I took a downward dive. Its all the little things I miss sooo much. He remembered so much I don't. He finished my sentences. How can this be? Where is he? I was not blessed with a strong faith but I have to believe with such strong feelings from so deep within us that there has to be something more than just our earthly lives. Carolyn