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How I'm doing...


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Thought I'd give you all a quick update on how things are going.

The week between Mike's passing and the funeral was a whirlwind of activity and visitors. It was comforting to see so many people stop by with words of comfort and arms of food. (Why is it food is so comforting?)

The prayer service on Saturday night was packed as was the funeral. I was amazed and touched by people who came, some whom I haven't seen in years. I was humbled as well....who would have known that so many felt so deeply about me and Mike?

The funeral was beautiful...our pastor's message - as always - delivered with such depth of emotion and love. All of our grandchildren attended the funeral and were so well behaved (of course! LOL)

Some of the things I will remember....

One day last week we were all sitting around my dining room table. Blake walked over to me and asked "Where is your Boppa?" (He calls my dad Boppa also and would always refer to Mike as "your Boppa" when talking to me.)

I replied "Grandpa is in heaven with Jesus." His eyes got real big and he said "He DIED!!???" I said "Yes," astounded that he would say that. Then he said "Oh no...." I replied "But he is now alive with Jesus in heaven." Then he grinned his big dimpled grin and said "Oh good, Boppa's in heaven with Jesus." and walked away!

Later that day Shelby noticed that the Mylar balloon Katie had given her dad for Father's Day was still in the bedroom. She came walking out and said "Oh no, Grandpa's in heaven and he doesn't have his balloon." I suggested that the next morning she and her mother release it to go to heaven. They did and both children stood on the driveway waving madly and shouting...."Bye bye Boppa WE LOVE YOU!"

We had a house full of people on Sunday evening after the service and Sunday night I spent my first night alone. I was fine....actually, it was nice NOT to have anyone else around! And I found that I didn't collapse into a sniveling mass of blubbering flesh. I didn't even cry. It wasn't bravery or numbness....it was just not necessary.

Yesterday, Katie asked me to go to the zoo with her, Layton and the kids. I did and felt pretty miserable thinking "I wish Mike was here." (He loved the zoo). Then Katie started pointing out the dirty water in the river, the bugs biting the animals and I realized.....I was wanting Mike to be with us looking at a zoo when he was in Paradise. There's no bugs or dirty water in heaven! By the time we left, my spirits were raised and I had conquered another "first without Mikey".

Today I got up (Katie & the kids spent last night with me) and had Katie help me clean up the house a bit. The floors really needing vacuuming...and we put away a bunch of stuff.

I had made an eye appointment for today and I'm happy to report that even though I'm getting older...my eyesight is still holding! Now if I can say that for my waistline! LOL

When I got home, Rachel and Faith were here and we went out for supper at Denny's. (Another first without Mikey, but not hard on me at all! Surprised me a little). When we got home Rachel wanted to swing on the swingset then she sat in the rocker on my porch and rocked herself! She is so beautiful, so sweet. She almost rocked herself to sleep!

Shelby called and wanted to stay over night....so I'll have a bed partner again tonight! Last night I went to sleep with Blake and woke up with Shelby....I have no idea when and how or if their mother "switched" kids on me! Maybe I really am losing it to grief...

Anyway - When it hurts - it hurts REALLY bad...but when it doesn't hurt....I'm more than okay. I'm at peace. When it hurts, I cry....when it goes away....I still remember how to laugh.

Many people have said to me "It's only beginning" (meaning the process of grieving) - But they don't know or understand, I've been grieving for the past 18 months. I'm not at the beginning stages. And as a believer, I don't grieve without hope. This death isn't horrifying to me....just the separation is hard to deal with....I KNOW I'll see Mike again.

Mike never liked it when I cried. He would often say to me "Don't cry honey - please don't cry." But he grew to understand over the years of our marriage that I NEEDED to cry. For pain, for release, for joy. Right now many of my tears aren't tears of grief, but are tears of sheer exhaustion. It will take time, but I know I will be okay. When I cry I remember Mike's strength and love and know that "this too shall pass." I feel his presence and I have never believed in that before....but if it isn't Mike, the Holy Spirit is doing a really good imitation of him. Either way - I'm comforted.

Love and hugs,


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I am amazed at your strength...

The loss of Mike is something that will always be a part of who you are...every moment you are here with us.

But...your time with him is means even more..and will stay with you, keeping you strong.

You will see him again...in the meantime..you and all of your kids and grandkids have a very very special angel

Take the time you need...and keep us updated on how you are doing


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I am SO happy to see you posting again, you are truly our Earth Angel! Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are teaching us all so much. May God and Mike continue to give you strength. It sounds like you have a wonderful family and many close friends. You also have many friends right here on this board who are praying and pulling for you and thinking about you every day.


Bess B

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The longer I know you, the more and more I am impressed and amazed by you.

I have never met anyone that has your strenght, courage, faith and conviction. You are a truly special woman.

I want to hard to be able to see things as I see them through your posts. I admire your spirit and loving grace and dignity.

Is there any way you can bottle some of that and send me some.

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Shannon, I am so happy to hear your update and the fact that you are enjoying time spent with your family. As you said.. you have even surprised yourself at times. I think you are a miraculous woman who was sent here to teach us all a bit about how to fight, and then how to survive when the fight is over - I for one can never repay you for what you have taught me... Thank you so very very much. Love, Sharon

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I first read your post last night and I just didn't have the words to post a reply ....I still don't, because no one could express just how amazing you are !

Thank you for being such an inspiration. I hope I can find 1/100th of the strength and faith that you have....


Kathy & Tim

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