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JoniRobertWilson

Made it through the holidays...

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Thank God the holidays are over! Man, I'm tired. The only thing major on the calendar is Alex's birthday party which is scheduled for Jan 8. We're having a skating party and it looks like it will be fun. Robert's sister and her family and his mom are coming up. I think his dad is also planning on attending. I hope everyone gets to come up and I hope the weather stays nice for their drive.

I don't know about you all but I'm ready to get back to a routine of school and work, school and work.

Alex and I were at the park today and the sun was setting over the lake. The sky was beautiful - pink and blue and it was kinda cloudy. I wondered if Robert could see us and what he'd be thinking. I sometimes wonder if I had been the one that died what would he be doing? Do you guys ever think that? Somehow it gives me comfort to think he might be doing the exact same thing I'm doing. It does not give me comfort to think that he can see us though. It's too much pressure. NOt that I'm doing anything "wrong" its just hard to think of him watching. I know he's in Heaven and I know he's waiting on us.

I really liked the quote posted by someone earlier - it's not that it gets easier, it's that we get stronger....I really like that.

I hope you all are well.

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I don't wonder what Becky would be doing. She would be doing exactly what she loved to do. She would be teaching and parenting, teaching and parenting. She would honor me however she could think of it, and she would be giving Katie her whole soul the way she did when she was here.

January 8 is Becky's birthday, and so the holidays for me stretch until then. The two weeks from Christmas to Becky's birthday was always the most special two weeks of the year.

It was funny that last night hit me harder than either Christmas or our anniversary did last week. I am not sure why. We never did anything particularly special for new years, and usually were in bed well before midnight. I think it is just one more thing that means distance between us.

Anyway, I hope the return to work and school does you good this week, and keep on getting stronger.

Curtis

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Right - I'm a teacher and I'm looking forward to starting in again day after tomorrow. It gives me whole days to think about other things and other people - great therapy for me.

I'm really glad the new year has started - a nice time to start over.

Happy New Year to all.

Cyndy

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I too am really glad the holidays are over. It was exhausting. New Years was worse that I thought and John and I never did much either and were asleep when the New Year came in. I feel as thought I have taken many steps backward and I am ready for a regular schedule of work everyday. I still can't talk of my husband without crying and I wish I could talk to our children (ages 22, 19 and 14) more about how they are doing but I don't want to upset them. I don't cry in front of them but alone. My parents came for a visit yesterday and I had to ask them to leave because I didn't feel like visiting. Then, I felt bad that I had been rude. I just don't want to see anyone except our children. Carolyn

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Carolyn, I'll bet your children would welcome a chance to talk about grieving. They are hurting, too, and you will not make it worse by talking about it. Sharing grief makes it seem more tolerable. You can support each other and you will learn that your thoughts and emotions are shared if you talk. You are not alone. I urge you to speak with your children. Even a 14-year-old can talk about grief, and needs to.

Best wishes to you and your family, Teresa

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Carolyn, when my dad died (1975), it was on Dec. 12th. That very night, I'd been out Christmas shopping - he and my mom were out of town for the weekend. That day, I found myself really in the Christmas spirit, so went shopping after work. In the middle of the night I was awakened by the police telling me my dad had died of an apparent heart attack and had been found by the side of I-35 between Denton and Dallas, TX. BOOM. My life was changed.

We had friends upon friends -- he'd been a small town country doctor for years, and had patients from all over. Many of them came just to pay their respects, and when we had his funeral, they had to set up a speaker outside the chapel, as it was standing room only.

After it was over and everyone left, it was my mother and I -- just the 2 of us. And the day we found ourselves alone for the first time was a Sunday. We played lazy all day -- spent all day in our robes! We talked. We cried. We hugged. It's what we needed to do. The noise faded and the 2 of us grieved. I saw what grief she was going through. I bet your kids see that too.

As difficult as it is for a child to lose a parent, it's something else entirely to lose your spouse, huh. It's something I didn't really think about much until that day. Now, I realize what a loss she suffered.

I don't think you can really get to the place where you get stronger and get along better without him unless you can go through all the stages of grief.

It isn't something to hide. Look at grief as a tribute -- the more we grieve, the more we loved the person. It's a way we show that, and a way we help get our emotions out and let ourselves learn to adapt to a different kind of life.

You'll make it through this. Guaranteed.

Di

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