-Cheryl- Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Dear friends, There are so many thoughts going on in my head right now. I would sleep constantly if the steroids would let me. This is absolutely the worst case scenerio I can imagine. I am so terrified, I feel one wave of panic attack after another. I wan't to die with dignity. I am reminded of the ravage of this disease, as I watched it take my father. I can't stop crying. If anyone can help me, I am desperate. I feel so hopeless, defeated, and depressed. Any brain met survivors please respond with stories of hope. I cling to your support, it is all that I have. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Hang in there, Cheryl. Will call you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, I don't have brain mets, but I do have a brain tumor. And because it is growing so slowly the docs all seem to think it's benign. In light of the fact that my other tumors grew slowly I am not always convinced that it really is benign. So... this is no where close to being as serious as your circumstances. But it does give me a little insight into some of what you are feeling right now. I know you have a strong belief in a higher power. What I have had to do is turn it over to mine. I was driving myself over the edge thinking of my son, and how would he get through it all if I wasn't here to help him. And what I was doing was not a positive thing. So I turned it over to God. I love you, Dear Friend. And I'm storming Heaven on your behalf. Fay A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, Just want you to know my thoughts are with you. Haylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anais Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl : I read a book a few months ago : 'Time to Live, Time to Die' written by Jean Cameron. The author was a social worker in the palliative care unit of a hospital when she learned she had advanced cancer with brain mets and she explains how she managed to live with her brain tumors. I quote her : 'The possibility of changes in psychological functioning had always seemed to me much more threatening than any of the physical changes the disease has brought. To know how I am acting or reacting and to be able ton control this seemed extremely important.' I've checked and you can get the book from Amazon... Anaïs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Hi Cheryl, I don't have experience with brain mets but I know some had Gamma knife and Brain Radiation and they were able to treat them and drive cars and such the next day. Two of my cousins had brain tumors and are both doing very well. I know that it must be scarey but please stay strong and know that we are all praying for you and wishing you well. Love, Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, I do not know about brain mets from lc, but I know about brain mets from bc and the swelling plays a big part in the size, now with the steroids you are taking the swelling will go down before they start the treatment. Gamma knife and RFA are two ways to treat them and there is also the operation depending on the location. Now would be the time to ask for medication for your panic attacks so even if you can't sleep you would at lest rest a bit. My prayers will be with you for the best outcome. Hugs J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, Very sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, you also have our prayers. You can count on mine. Love, sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, Take a deep breath. It's going to be ok. When my husband's NSCLC was found, it was quite advanced, including 8 brain mets, and one of them was 2.2 cm with so much edema that almost the entire film was solid white. He also has cancer his bones (in lots and lots of places and some of them are quite large), in his liver, pericardium, and, of course, his lung. He is doing great. It's 15 months since WBR and 13 months since stereotactic radiosurgery. He only has 4 mets left, and they aren't causing him any problems. He doesn't act any more stupid now than he did before dx. LOL! That's a joke - so LAUGH!!! He still laughs a plays with our two dogs, took a 1400 mile motorcycle trip this summer, flew to Arizona for 3 days last month to visit our son, goes to work every day, sends me jokes in my email, and is still a pain in the butt sometimes. Everything is NORMAL!! You can do this. It's going to be ok. We are sisters in Christ. He loves you! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Hey Peggy, That is pretty funny about your poor sick husband acting just as stupid as he ever did. I don't even have brain mets and I act stupid. If I did get brain mets... who would know? Hang in there Cheryl. You'll be all right. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAnn Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, You know my story, and I don't want you to be scared by it. Tomorrow I go for my 2nd MRI since completing WBR and I am CONFIDENT that it will show better results than the 1st one. Regardless, we are in this together. I feel your fear, I live your pain and I know the scary thoughts you are having right now. We can't give up or give in. I won't allow it! The steroids will make your mind go a million miles a minute. It just won't turn off. Did your doctor give you any medication for sleeping such as Ambien? I found that helped me. I feel most of what you are thinking about and feeling is from those darn steroids. I hated them. But they will bring down any swelling and you won't have headaches as bad. (I still have them and that scares me) Please know that I am here for you. We can compare notes. I sent you my e-mail in a pm, please feel free to contact me if you need to. I'll listen to all your fears and frustrations, because I'm going through the same thing. I'm going to quote T-Bone: "Praying for us All" TAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Cheryl, Many prayers coming your way. Please try not to panic and just lean on God. He will help you through this. Take care. Love and hugs, Nancy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Cheryl, I would like to tell you I have some idea what you are going through, but I do not. But I would like to tell you that I care about you and I am praying that whatever treatments the drs. recommend does the trick. Don't give up sweetie. It is a long and treacherous journey, but it can be conquered and if anyone can do it, you can. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Dear friends,There are so many thoughts going on in my head right now. I would sleep constantly if the steroids would let me. This is absolutely the worst case scenerio I can imagine. I am so terrified, I feel one wave of panic attack after another. I wan't to die with dignity. I am reminded of the ravage of this disease, as I watched it take my father. I can't stop crying. If anyone can help me, I am desperate. I feel so hopeless, defeated, and depressed. Any brain met survivors please respond with stories of hope. I cling to your support, it is all that I have. Cheryl, Talk to your PCP and see if you can be given something for your anxiety/panic attacks and to help you sleep. I believe your mind has put you in a vicious cycle, you can't sleep because of the panic attacks and anxiety and you have more anxiety/panic attacks because you aren't getting enough rest. You can't stop crying....hopeless, defeated, depressed. Cheryl, pull on your training. You know you have reached a point where you may need some chemical help. I know how hard it will be for you to stop seeing your father in your mind every time you think of your latest news, but you need to separate yourself from your father. Your cancer is yours, personally. Your father's cancer was different. Your father's was years ago...we may not have found a cure yet, but we have found quite a few treatments. You are not going through this in your father's time. Cheryl, there is NO REASON for you to stop believing you are going to make it through this. You have so much more to work with than your father did! I know that most of us need to see something to feel it has been proven, and what you have seen is haunting you. Listen to Peggy (stand4hope), Karen335, TAnn and the others who are dealing with brain mets - or have had them successfully treated. THERE are the positives, there is the other side of the scale from your father. Reread what GinnyD posted to you regarding Earl's brain mets and how he NEVER wavered from who he was, no personality changes... I know you're scared, scared sh*tless. You HAVE been in the scared sh*tless position before and you have come out of it. We went into the basement with the big flashlight and the baseball bat, remember? Well, that was the 500,000 candle size, I have a NEW flashlight, 3 million candle power! Scorches off the eyebrows and does low resolution x-rays...and I can bring the ol' Louisville Slugger down to Texas if needed... Hang in there, Cheryl. We are all BESIDE you, behind you and under you. If you stumble, we will steady you, if you fall, we will lift you, if you falter, we will encourage you. Battle on, Cheryl. You are not one to be content with doing nothing... Ready to head downstairs now? Take care, you are always in my thoughts. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Hi, Cheryl, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you too. You are an exceptional lady, I just know you can do this. Hang in there, soon you will be going on the new plan. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Cheryl~ I can't add anything here...just want you to know I am thinking about you and would do anything I could for you. You know Becky is right about the medication...I've been there with those panic attacks, they aren't fun. Please see your doctor for something to help you calm down and find your center. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmydog2 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Cheryl, I can't add anything except that I am praying that you snap out of this pit. As the others have said you are strong and you can do it. You and I were dx about the same time. We are walking down the same path together. Do you need one of my crutches to continue the journey? You can have both if you need them but either way, you have got to keep moving forward. Don't stop now. I will be looking for your next post telling us you feel better. Now if at all possible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Oh, do you know how many people would be in Texas right now if they could? Bernie Siegel (on tape) got me through my bad times. During my last two cancers I listened to one of his mediatation tapes every single day and read from the book of Psalms as well. Also, please remember that you are not your father. It doesn't have to be the same. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NellW Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Dear Cheryl, I so hope you are already getting some peace of mind. I love Peggy's story bout her hubby, it is so encouraging to me. Hope it is to you also. I agree too with Bruce, Keep on fighting dear friend. And as Becky and Ry said, get some meds if you can. We all are right here and would all charter a bus to come to you if we could, like Gail said. Wouldn't that be a sight, but for now, here's our heartfelt thoughts and prayers. Love Nell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 (((((((Cheryl))))))) ---- Wish I could do more than send hugs and prayers. By all means, ask a doctor for something to help you sleep. When you're exhausted, everything seems even worse. You've gotten through some hard times before and you'll get through this. Remember we're here for you. Gail P-M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandyS Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Cheryl - Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. To quote one of my favorite books, "There's No Place Like Hope": "Everyone experiences nighttime every 24 hours, but not with the same intensity or restlessness as cancer patients. Nighttime blues or frights are a very common and understandable side effect of the illness and treatments." "Cut your worries down to size. Many people take on three kinds of worry at one time. They worry about all that has happened, all that is happening, and all that might happen in their treatment. My advice is to take your worries one at a time and try not to obsess about the magnitude of your entire treatment. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is yet to be. Today is more than enough for most of us to handle." ............and of course, drugs don't hurt either............ Oh, Cheryl, I wish I were close enough to give you a real hug......... Hugs and prayers, SandyS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Cheryl Please know that I am sending you lots of love and strength. I love Sandy's post - the way to get through this is one day at a time. I know that you will be OK. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Cheryl: I don't have any experience with mets and cannot offer advice from experience but I will pray for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Hi Cheryl, I got your PM. I have tried to call you several times, but your line has been busy. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone and sher experiences that typing them. As you know, I had a met to the brain and also had the Decadron. I really would like to share my experience with you and it was and is GOOD. Please PM me and let me know what is a good time for me to call you. God Bless, prayers and hugs, Love Ya kiddo, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.