Mom's First Christmas in Heaven

[dchurchwell]

Mom's First Christmas in Heaven

Do not cry for me that I am not at home

This year I am spending Christmas at my father's throne

Do not fill your heart heavy with burden

Instead, feel me in your heart within

The gifts you gave each Christmas Eve

Were immeasurable in their worth to me

For you see, it wasn't about the robe or the shirt I received

But it was your ever continuing love you gave to me

It was the smiles and the laughter we shared

The hugs and the kisses for me you bared

Speak my name and you shall see

That I'm alive in each memory

Just because you do not see me this Christmas Eve

Does not mean I'm not with you at the Christmas tree

I'm the twinkling in each little light and in the curl of each little bow

I'm the shimmer in each Christmas ball and the kiss beneath the mistletoe

I'm the yawn of my grand babes sleepy little heads

As mommies and daddies tuck them into beds

I'm the crispness of each gentle breeze on Christmas morns

I'm that old angel topper that our tree adorns

So at Christmas do not fret; do not feel alone

Because I'm spending Christmas in my father's home

The view from here is grand and one day we can share

But now for me Christmas is here and yours is there

Do not be sad, in spirit I am with you

This Christmas is not different, just something new

So until we are together again inside heaven's door

Keep me alive in spirit in your heart forevermore.

Love,

Mom

Donna Hunter Churchwell

Dedicated to my mom, Sara Hunter who lost her battle to SCLC, December 2, 2004 (5 months after diagnosis)

[kim]

God Bless you Donna. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I hope that you are surrounded with love in this time of grief. I told my dad that we should try to be happy for mom, she's spending the holidays with the Lord. What better place, and oh what a reward our mothers have received to be able to sit by him on his throne! I miss my mom more than words can describe, as I'm sure you do, but I do find comfort in the fact that she's waiting for me, and when my time is here, I hope, no I know, her beautiful smile will be one of the first things I see that will tell me I'm truely home. I hope the New Year finds you well.

[dchurchwell]

God Bless you Donna. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I hope that you are surrounded with love in this time of grief. I told my dad that we should try to be happy for mom, she's spending the holidays with the Lord. What better place, and oh what a reward our mothers have received to be able to sit by him on his throne! I miss my mom more than words can describe, as I'm sure you do, but I do find comfort in the fact that she's waiting for me, and when my time is here, I hope, no I know, her beautiful smile will be one of the first things I see that will tell me I'm truely home. I hope the New Year finds you well.

Hi Kim,

Thank you for your comforting words. I don't think I have allowed myself to grieve yet. I think I'm still in the 'numb' phase because I am thinking that my mom isn't really gone that she's just away on a trip and she'll be back soon until I really, really take time to stop and really think about that she really is gone. But when I have those moments, I shoo them away and get busy again. My father is grieving so much that I have to be strong for him and take care of him that I just can't grieve. I know my mom is in a better place and that she's out of pain and sickness. The thing is she was NOT supposed to die. Her oncologist promised us he could cure her. She was getting better and then suddenly she wasn't. Two weeks before she passed away, she was very weak. Too weak to talk, too weak to eat, too weak to walk. The Sunday of Thanksgiving wknd I figured she must be dehydrated so my dad and I took her to the hospital. She was admitted. On Monday, her body started swelling with fluid and she was in and out of coherence. On Tuesday, she started becoming more incoherent. On Wednesday, she lapsed into a full coma and the doctors told us the cancer had spread to her liver and that it was failing. It had also spread to her adrenal glands, her esophagus and to her other lung. They told us she had 1 - 2 weeks to live w/o chemo or 1-2 months to live w/chemo and that we need to decide if we want to put her on chemo and to decide if we wanted to put her on life support whenever the time came. Everything was happening so fast that I felt caught up in a whirlwind. I mean, my gosh! I was bringing her to the hospital to just get some fluids for petes sake; not to die. That wasn't supposed to happen. The doctor said he could cure her. What happened? So, then we made the decision to not put my mom back through chemo and she had already told us to not put her on life support. On Thursday afternoon at 2:30pm, we brought my mom home via ambulance to die. She died later that night at 7:10pm. And then suddenly, I was watching as the hearst pulled out of the driveway with my mom lying in the back of it on a stretcher. They didn't cover her face or place her in a body bag or a make-shift coffin like I thought they did. She was just lying there; elevated for the world to see as they drove away. And then suddenly I was thrust back into time whenever I was a little girl crying as I ran after my mom as she drove out of the driveway for work because I was afraid she wouldn't come back. I wanted to run after her again for this time I knew for sure she was not going to come back.

Her wake and funeral was such a tribute. The funeral home is very large and accomodates many people. To accomodate just the flowers my mom received, three very large rooms held them all. The line of people was so long that it took them an hour and a half to reach my mom's casket. My father was retired after 23 years of law enforcement and the police department closed off all major intersections as only just the hearst carried my mom to rest in the church as we waited at home to leave. It was such a remarkable tribute and honor to my mom but one that I am sure she was looking down from heaven and saying "You've got to be kidding. It was your dad that was a policeman, not me. Stop making such a fuss over me." My mom was genuine and giving. What you saw is what you got. She didn't like anyone to make any fusses over her and she didn't like anyone having to take care of her; she was the caretaker of all of us. She was the backbone of our family and she was strong and independent. She and my 10 year old daughter (the eldest of the grandchildren) were very best friends and there was no one else in the world like her "Nana".

[cathy]

Donna,

I know how you feel about bringing them to the hospital and thinking they woud be coming home..Its so heartbreaking..I just wanted to let you know I know your pain and am so sorry for it...You must have felt so proud at the funeral and blessed to have such a beautiful mom..