don't like the legal stuff part

[patut]

I'm glad we're up again. Yesterday I had to start the phone calls with Social Security, financial advisor, etc. and it mentally drained me. These people were wonderful to me, are making it as easy as they can for me, yet this part is upsetting me.

Today I called my lawyer, silly me hadn't even done that yet as I hadn't thought of it. I'll meet with him Monday and he'll help me through the next part.

Going back to work at school has been wonderful - I love working with those little and big kids. And my collegues are all great and checking on me. But this other part really set me back when I came home from school today.

I ended up turning on my old noisy portable stairs vac, vacuumed the stairs and wailed away with it loud as I could. I felt a bit better after that, but soon fell asleep in my chair with exhaustion.

Part of it too is the fact that this is the first day I've been alone for real.

My youngest daughter went home after being here for two weeks. As long as she was here, I felt like I couldn't have a great cry.

I share these feelings here in hopes of helping anyone else who has to go through it - the grieving process. Having gone back and read some of the older posts here has helped me a lot.

Thank you for this great site!

Cyndy

[cathy]

(((Cyndy)))

I'm sorry.. Its so hard..

[glo]

It is really hard, Cindy -

But as you do it longer, it will get easier -- not the grief and pain part, but you'll get over some of the triggers. At first, I REALLY hated putting my key in the door and opening it to an empty house after work, but now after 15 months, it has become just another part of routine and hardly noticed. I'm not sure at what point I stopped dreading it -- it just gradually happened.

And yes, all those calls are hard to make. Sometimes you can just calmly talk about it and handle it all just fine -- other times the lump comes up in your throat, your voice shakes and you can barely talk. That gets easier too, but once in a while it will still happen to me.

By the way, not everything is a legal requirement. My phone, utilities, deed to the house, some other things are still in my husband's name or both our names. As I have to call for service or to straighten out billing errors, etc. then I'll make the name change too. Otherwise, I won't bother. My sister-in-law still has her husband's name on their phone and utilities after 10 years.

I remember the first day totally alone in the house. That too does get easier, and sometimes it's what I want. Like you said, you can't cry the way you need to when somebody else is there.

Feel free to PM me anytime. Quite a few of us on the board know just what you're feeling because we've been there or are still there.

Keep on keepin' on -- there's no other choice. And we're all here to help.

[sharyn]

Cyndy,

I am so sorry. Mom is going through the same thing you are... She feels very alone. We all try to be around as much as we can, but when push comes to shove, she is alone in that house most of the time and it stinks.... She is right now at the point of just wishing she was with him and not here anymore.... I hate to hear her talk this way!! I guess time will make a difference.... Sharon

[Frank Lamb]

Cyndy,I am sure this must be very difficult.You have my prayers and best wishes for strength and comfort as time passes.

[ginnyde]

Oh Cyndy,

Can I relate on so many levels. However, stupid it is, I still shout 'Hi, I'm home' when I walk in. Somehow makes me feel better. Was thinking about getting a dog for the company but realize that would cramp the busy, busy life I have carved out for myself at this time.

The legal stuff is driving me crazy. It is almost 5 months and it is nowhere near complete. Haven't even considered utilities, house deed etc, just our investments and such. Here is a typical example of what a headache this has been.

Earl had a couple of stocks in just his name. He had these before we married. One was for a whopping 33 shares. In order to get that into my name, I had to send them 8 documents, 4 which had to be notarized and 1 had to have a medallion signature guarantee. Also, I had to send them a money order, not a bank check, for $41.69. Did all that, got it changed to my name. Yep, just got a dividend check made out to Earl.

None of the legal stuff has gone easily. An insurance company where we had IRA annuities, lost Earl's folder. Couldn't prove that I was his beneficiary. Would have to move $ to his estate and I would have had to pay the IRA taxes.

I took the holidays off from this battle. But have put on my gloves and am ready to continue the battle. I am considering putting together a pamphlet about how to handle all of this or better yet, how to avoid all of this.

Cyndy, the sadness of my loss, is still overwhelming at times. His name is my silent mantra. I have a constant mental vision of him. I didn't dream of him for the first couple months and now I dream of him alot. But, it is easier, not easy, but easier. Everybody on this board has a new normal, doesn't mean we have to like it.

PM if you would like to talk.

Love,

[J.C.]

Cindy,

I think we find ways to cope with grief, we don't get over

but we live with it.

Working on all the papers kept me busy, but after it was

finished, it was worst for me.

I still say when I leave the house ''I'll be back soon and will

be careful driving''

Coming in ''I'm back, all went well, were you ok?''

I think we adjust in our own way, living alone after so many years

of being two, is hard, but little things that we find to make us feel

good are important.

Good luck.

J.C.

[shirleyb]

Cyndy,

I have to agree with what everyone has said. Somehow we just keep on keeping on.

I still have somethings I need to do but just don't feel like fighting with a couple of companies about getting the name changed on the bills. One utility company won't change the name on the bill until I provide a death certificate. I can't believe that one.

I have not had to come home to an empty house yet as all my kids live with me still. They have been a godsent for me. They keep my busy and keep my mind occupied most of the time.

My heart goes out to you and everyone else here who is going through this change that has come about in our lives by none of our choosing.

Somehow we do go on......

Much love,

Shirleyb

[JoniRobertWilson]

Hi. Guess we're in the same boat.

I felt like a hollow shell while trying to sort out the legal crap we've been left to deal with. Some people are great, some are emotional idiots.

It's been 5 1/2 months and I'm getting through the paperwork part but still not done. Probably won't be for a while. It sucks.

I went through a "psycho paint stage" where I painted the house! It wasn't to clear at the time but looking back I must have been crazy. I think I'm through that stage and then had to deat with the holidays. Now I wonder what stage will be next ....anyone need a room painted? LOL

To me, it's almost like Robert was never here. I think my brain is blocking him out to be quite honest. I don't know how we'll all get through this I just know we will. We'll be strong and we'll get through.

Good luck to you

[Ann]

I all too well know what you are going through. Some of the things we are asked to do and information we have to provide is absolutely ricidulous. I was just so overwhelmed with it all that I just put all the small stuff on the back burner for a while and only dealt with life insurance and social security and insurance in the beginning. That alone was overwhelming. Then, I had to go through the issue of searching for paperwork all over the house and Dennis's office. There was so much to do with his business (plumbing contractor) and that was the really hard part for me. Joni, I know what you mean about the painting. I went through that stage. There was painting, changing, rearranging...and looking back I think my mind was just working to keep the real issues at hand off my mind at the time. I still, two years later, have things to do. Let's just all help each other along with moral support and maybe we'll get through this!!!