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I need a hug (a rant and update)


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I pop in here every so often. i do read but dont post much due to not having much time, I hope you all understand.

First of all, my house has been finished and we moved back in. We are slowly unpacking, but its getting there. Its hard to do with an 11 month old chasing you everywhere and getting into everything. I enjoy every moment with him though. The only thing is that everytime we smell a fireplace or anything resembling 'burning' we need to check the house to see if its burning down again. UGH! i hope we can relax about it soon, it will take time.

Mom has been one big rollercoaster. She was doing horrible up until her gamma knife surgery. she couldnt walk, use her left side...she was bad..then after gamme knife, she was going to the store to buy birthday and hanuka gifts, (of course only in the wee hours when no one would see her) She3 would still refuse to do anything like go see a movie, go to dinner at a quaint resturaunt. She got her 3rd round of chemo 3 weeks ago and she has been horrible ever since. her hemeglobin is so low the docs want to give her a transfusion, she again, wont see anyone and wont talk to anyone, she sleeps all day, refuses to eat anything of substance. She tells us that she is going to die tomorrow and refuses to take anything for any of her pain. headaches, dizzyness, nausea, whatever. She is also getting nastier and nastier. When she was first diagnosed she calmed down with her criticisims but it just gets worse and worse. Its hard to support her when she practically tells you that you are a horrible daughter, or that every decision you have made was wrong. But I still bring my son over to her every day and try to make that day better than the day before.

I just need a hug. Thanks for listening and being there, even if it is just reading.

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Hi Randy,

I don't have a daughter, but if it's ok with you. We can do

a cyber adoption and also sending huge cyber hugs. You sound

like the daughter I never had, (I have two boys) Is your mom on steroids? They really mess up your feelings and head. I was on

Decadron for several months. This will all pass and your mom will

be back to normal.

If she wants to PM, maybe I can help. :)

Blessings, prayers and lots of hugs,


Your baby is so cute

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Hopefully when chemo is over your mom will get back to her normal self. My mom also needed a transfusion during chemo, it is very common.

Is your mom on any type of medication for her moods? Sometimes when we get depressed we snap at those we love and itis not easy.

Hang in there! And enjoy your adorable son, I LOVE the picture.

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Hello from upper NYS. You'r baby is beautiful! I am grandma to several and I can see how proud you are.

I have no good advice accept to hang in there. You are doing the best you can, as difficult as it is. There will be better days ahead.


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Randi, I'm sending the hug to you, because I believe you when you say you really need one. I'm sending one to your Mom, too. Because I KNOW she needs one.

I am speaking to you as a woman who has Lung Cancer. I am speaking to you as the daughter of a woman who had Lung Cancer. And I am speaking to you as the Mother of a young woman who appears to feel much the way you do.

I am asking you if you think there is any possibility that your Mom could have visited your personal vent site? When I learned that my own daughter felt rather like you it broke my heart. http://lemonsandsugar.blogspot.com/

I would say that the tendency to think harshly of family members isn't something isolated to just your Mom. And from personal experience I can tell you that knowing that my own child felt towards me the same way you feel about your Mom hurt me so badly that I seriously considered giving up completely. But I'm not defined by this one relationship, so I found a way to pull myself up.

I strongly suggest that you seek help from a counselor to guide you through all of this, for YOUR sake. It would be ideal if your Mom would attend with you, but even if she refuses, you need some guidance. Because you will be the one who lives for decades with the emotional fall out from all of this.

My concern is that you deal with this constructively now and as an ongoing process. Better this way than have it hit you when you are the parent of older children and have gained a different perspective.

What is happening to your Mom and the rest of your family is incredibly difficult to handle even when the relationships have been healthy and loving for many years. I know that this is difficult for all of you.

Wishing you all well.

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So that you have no regrets in your life, start praying now.

"Lord. Help me to love my mother as much as You love her. Help me to have the patience and forgiveness that You have shown to me and to all of us."

Start praying.

Then you will feel the biggest hug that you have ever felt in your life.

Cindi o'h

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((((((Hugs))))))) to you. I know there must be days when you are just so tired... and sad and run down by the negatives that you hear, while still hurting so much for what your mom is going through. I wish there was something I could say to make it better for all of you, but know that I am thinking of and praying for you all. If you need a sounding board, PM or IM me.

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Could it be medication...perhaps steroids...is clouding up your mom's moods?? This happens...then when the meds are stopped...the moodiness subsides. Whatever the cause...knowing you have stage IV lung cancer can send any soul into a deep depression....which can include lashing out at loved ones. Please stay the course during your mom's treatment....your strength shows through your writing and you can use all the strength you have right now.

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I just want to wish you and your mom peace. My mom changed a lot when she had lung cancer. Seeing the change in someone you love is hard enough but when they strike out at you it seems to hurt even more than it would have any other time. Just remember the words from an old song "you always hurt the ones you love". It seems like those words are even more true when someone is hurting or afraid themselves and you know that your mom has to be hurting and frightened. I will pray that all works out for you soon. Lillian

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