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I've been lurking for a long time


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Hello all! I feel like I know most of you so well, but you don't know me at all. My name is Melissa, and I am 34 years old. My 54 year old mother was diagnosed with extensive SCLC in August 2004. She has mets to several areas-I'm not sure I even know them all. I do know she has mets to several bones and her pancreas. She was in pretty bad shape by the time she was diagnosed. She was diagnosed on a Friday afternoon and her leg broke on Friday night due to a bone met. She had to have surgery and was in the hospital several days. She lives in Southern Illinois and planned to have chemo shortly after getting out of the hospital, but she was just too weak. She ended up back in the hospital and finally switched doctors (her doctor missed several opportunities dating back to May 2004 to get her diagnosed when she was in much better shape). Her new doctor convinced her to get a second opinion in St. Louis. They started her on chemo immediately. She has since started going to another oncologist back in Southern Illinois, but the doctor travels there from St. Louis.

Things seem to be going well, but that is all too common with SCLC. My parents don't seem to be very interested (maybe they're scared) in finding out more about the disease. Her onc is talking about her next chemo being her last for now and just having her do scans every couple of months.

I am an "only" child, and I have been extremely close to my mom my whole life. It absolutely kills me to watch her go through this. I live over two and a half hours away and have a husband and two small children of my own. We (or I) have been going down often, but I feel guilty that I can't be there full time.

I am so thankful for this website and its members. I have to admit that I sometimes get depressed coming on here (I find it very hard when some of you get bad news), but I feel like someone in the family has to be informed enough to ask the important questions. Please know that I am pulling for (and praying for) all of you.

Thanks in advance for your responses.

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Welcome Melissa,

Sorry to hear about your mom. She has certainly been through a lot! She is very fortunate to have you. As an only child myself I can relate to everything falling on your shoulders. Hang in there and try to juggle things as best you can.

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Hi, Melissa, so glad you have come out. I am sorry for all the family troubles but it sounds like your Mom is in good hands now. It may not seem so to you but 54 is still young, she can hopefully build her strength, and if your father is young enough, too, that he can help her a lot. I am sure you do your share for her, as best you can, and that is all any of us can do. Really glad for your good news. I think the most important thing is to enjoy every day - if you have 60 or 6500 coming to you. Best wishes, Margaret

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Hi Melissa and WELCOME! I'm glad you finally decided to come out of hiding and talk to us.

It's good to know that things seem to be going pretty well for your mom. I understand your feelings about being so far away from her. When my dad was ill, my brother and sisters were all living out of state and it was very hard on them to be so far away.

I don't know a lot about SCLC, but I do understand that it is very responsive to chemo to the point that many, many people on here reach NED (No Evidence of Disease). That's what we will be hoping and praying for your mom.

God bless you,

Peggy

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Hi Melissa and welcome. I dont really have any advise on sclc as my mom has nsclc, but in my book lung cancer is lung cancer. I will pray for your Mom and hope that her treatments go well and she gets her strenght back, as Margaret said 54 is young, so im sure as the days go past she will get stronger.

I cannot imagine not living close to my Mom and my heart breaks for you. I am sure your mom knows you would do anything to be there with her, but you have a family to care for. That was a hard lesson for me. I kinda shut my family out for a bit and could only focus on mom, but i woke up after a while.

Keep us posted and feel free to ask any and all questions, I can almost guarantee someone here has an answer for you.

God Bless

Kim

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Hi Melissa.

A warm and big welcome to our group.

Have you read "Mom's story" yet? That is a really well written story about a woman who goes through lung cancer written through the eyes of her son, cartoon-style. There are some exerpts in there that are reminding me of what may be going on with your mom and dad. It is called "denial".

Denial has it's place in this disease. I think to some extent, it is what keeps us afloat at first. When she is ready, she will move beyond and start to move toward acceptance. Has she joined any groups through her local ACS, oncology group, or other offerings in the area? Those might be a place to start. Although it would still by scary for her at first. This might be something that the two of you could do together. She may need a hand to hold at first.

You might try to leave some good readings around for her. Something with a very positive spin about lung cancer. What comes to mind is Dick Block's discussion reminding us that lung cancer is a survivable illness. He states it with such conviction that his words are completely believeable to me.

In any event, I am so glad that you finally posted and we all will be looking to hear more from you and updates on how you are managing as well as your mom.

Thank you for joining our group.

Cindi o'h

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Hi, Melissa, and welcome. Glad you joined in. People react differently to cancer depending upon age, personality, experience, etc. Some want to know everything so they are well informed -- others only want to know what they have to know and depend solely on the doctor to do what is best. Sounds like your parents fit the latter. I believe we should respect whatever road of coping one chooses to go. You can learn a lot for them, and offer info when it is sought or the opportunity seems right. We each have our purpose on the journey. Keep us posted and let us know how we may support you. Don

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Welcome. So your Mom is 5 months into the journey. She has been through a lot. Sometimes it is good to block out some to cope with what you must. It is good that she has loved ones to pick up the slack for her. We all need help in these situations. Now keep us posted on how her scans come out. Donna G

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Hi Melissa - Sorry you have to be here but this is an awesome place to find support, answers, to vent and most importantly talk with friendly well informed people regarding this horrible disease. I too am new here and I don't have much information but good luck. PRAYERS

Calintay

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Welcome Melissa sorry you have to be here but so glad you are.

We are in VERY similar positions - I am 34 as well and have 2 kids and my Mom has cancer although it is NSC. Don Wood gave you very sound advice, when my MIL was battling ovarian cancer she didn't want to know anything except what chemo she was taking and after awhile my FIL had to filter any information given to her by friends and relatives because if it had any negative statistics she automatically put herself in that group but my Mom on the other hand wants to know everything. Let your parents set the tone and take cues from them and meanwhile learn everything you can - you've got the best resources here :) !

I know it is hard with the kiddos and living far away but maybe you could arrange to attend a Dr. appt with her. Tell her you have questions and ask if it would ibe OK if you could ask the Dr. and maybe she might learn something about her disease in the process.

Hang in there and if you need anything, please PM me.

Thoughts and prayers coming your way!

Much Love,

Amy

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Hi Melissa, and welcome! Sorry you have to be here, but it's a great place to be!

Being a little down from reading here is understandable, because people do have bad news sometimes. But, that's the reality of the scourge they call "cancer." Once you've been around a while though, you'll read some of that "bad" stuff turn around. Sometimes people lose their battle with this disease, but when they do, they always leave us with more weapons to continue the fight. We love them, we commiserate with them when they are going through tough times, we pray for them, talk to them, and mourn and miss them if they don't make it.

But by golly, there are a bunch of us here, and we aren't shy! Your mom is close to my age, so tell her I said she's got a fantastic daughter, and she should listen to you more! :P

Di

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Hang in there Melissa. When I was sick I know what my two daughters

went through. They both have two small children. I appreciated so much

every moment of their time. Will keep you in my prayers. Take care and

stay strong.

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Welcome Melissa,

I am sorry you had the need to find us but so glad you did. I can't help much with SCLC but will listen and give support when I can. Your poor mother has been through an awful lot in the last few months. I am glad she is doing better at this time. Just keep in touch...daily if you can..phone her...go see her when it is possible. She knows how much you love her but hearing your voice will make a big difference.

Nina

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Hi Melissa,

Welcome. I am sorry too that you had to come here but now that you have, come as often as you need to for comfort and support.

I have just one son who lives out of town and he too felt bad that he couldn't be with me through everything. My story to date is pretty short because it was caught in early stages but nontheless I knew he was thinking of me even if he wasn't by my side all the time. We discussed this at one point in time and we both agreed that we both knew how much we loved each other and that just because he wasn't here with me it didn't mean he loved me less. I'm sure your Mother feels the same way about you. I am sure she would love phone calls, I looked forward to them and cards in the mail and just an occasional visit when it was possible.

He did come in for my surgery but at my request, when it was over, he went back to his family the next morning. You can work it out, but don't feel guilty. I'm sure that isn't what your Mom wants.

My best to you and your family.

Kate

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