rosegarden Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Hi. I may appear "new" here but I have been "lurking" (reading this board) for quite some time. I have been finding it very helpful in my situation. It is near the end. My mom is in the hospital. I really need help dealing with this. I love her so much. It feels like I just want to give up on everything and just sleep forever. I don't want to eat, but I know I have to, and I feel guilty whenever I do. I feel guilty doing anything. I feel terrible like we are killing her because she will not take food or water. I know this is a natural in the dying process, but I wonder whether there is anything we could have or should have done. I am not even sure whether she is aware she is dying. I know she wanted to fight. I don't know what to do. I love her so much and she was trying so so hard. The pain got too much and she stopped eating. So we made the decision to allow the nurses to give her the max dose of medication to make her as comfortable as possible since the pain was overwhelming. I really feel like we could have done something to help her get better. I feel like we are betraying her. My dad feels this way as well. And I should mention, he is at her side pretty much 24/7. He only leaves to go home and shower and change clothes. He is losing touch with reality (I should mention my parents are only in their 50's, so this isn't a natural loss of concentration, but a result of extreme stress). He has very high blood pressure and I am so worried about him. My grandma is in her 80's and saw my mom today. My mom doesn't look like "herself" -- she barely looks "human" -- so it was extremely difficult for my grandma. My grandma has had two children, and one of them passed away just two years ago. So my mom is her only child left. My grandma lives with my dad (and mom) and brother and now feels that she is going to be a burden and that she is all alone in the world since my mom was everything to her. I'm so worried about my family. Also I don't know what to do about these feelings I am having. I really do feel like I'm responsible for her dying. Maybe I am? I don't know? What could I have done? Is there anything I can do at all? Please help me I just can't take this anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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