Guest robd1 Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 hello, my father recently discovered a spot of lung cancer on recent checkup.. no DX yet.. ..needless to say we're all very sad.... my question to all/anyone listening.. regardless of diagnosis.. whatever it may be,, smc, nsmc, ect. , stage 1-4?, limited, advanced (i dont know all the terminology yet).... does everyone need to hear the prognosis.? there's statistics, attached to every diagnosis.. (which are all un flattering).. mortality rates,, ect.. im asking, because i want to know how others feel? Is that helpful to know? my thoughts (so many) are.. get treated,, do what doctors say to do..;; do your best every day .. without having the burden of a time table? am i wrong? help? heartbroken my best to all, on this site.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I'm not sure I am completely understanding your question. If you are assuming the onc. will automatically give you a prognosis that may not happen. Ours did not and we never asked. The reason we didn't ask was because our GP had already done so without being asked. The reason he did this was for me. He wanted me to know what I was dealing with. Luckily he was waaaaayyy off. Everyone is different on what they want to know or not know. Now...when my father was ill and dying the doctor never told us. We had no idea he would not leave that hospital until the evening the hospital called us to come back. I wish that doctor would have told us how serious is was. There are things I would have liked to have said, maybe there are things my dad would have wanted to say. Hope that helps a little... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Rob, Sorry to hear about your dad's health. Keep your chin up, maybe it was a fluke. I will keep my fingers crossed for that. There are many survivors here that are very knowledgeable and helpful in this area. As to your question on whether people need to know 100% of the details or just part of them, I am with Rochelle - everyone was different. I personally didn't ever get many statistics from my doctor, she actually stressed that they were very outdated and stated how every situation was different. I knew the diagnosis was bad, but really spent most of my time coming and going to appointments, doing chemo, surgery and what-have-you and left the statistics to the doctors. I was truly too numb at the time. I did become more knowledgeable during the journey, but for me I needed to learn it at my own pace. I know a few people that were info junkies and knew every statistic and medical alternative too, this is also good for some. Overall I think taking it one day at a time and accepting only what you can in that day works for most people. Good luck to you and your father. I will be praying for good test results. Wendy All Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patut Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 At first I thought I needed all the information (mainly because I saw that most people on this site seemed to know so much about their own diagnoses). I pressed the onc for information and she interpreted the test results in words she thought we'd understand. Words like "We wait and see" when we asked for a time frame at the beginning. She didn't always trust the test results and from past experience knew that they weren't always as seems. As we went along, I grew to trust her and we decided to not press her for so much technical information. She told us what she thought we needed, and it worked well for us. That's just how it was for me. I think I know where you're coming from with your question. Hoping for the best for you and your Dad. Do hang in there, and know that you have come to a wonderful site. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natalie Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Hi Rob, You are in a very difficult situation. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. The stages are different and handled differently, so I think it's important to have at least one person know the facts. Whatever the diagnosis is for your father, one of the most important things iI learned is to research the ability to get the orginal tumor site surgically removed if you can. My mom decided that she didn't want to know statistics or the facts...so before our doctor's appointments, I told them up front "Please do not provide us with statistics. We know it's serious, just please let us know what the next step is". I decided to take it upon myself to learn the statistics and everything else so that I can help with the decision making and understand why the doctors were making particular decisions. I believe someone needs to know what's ahead so that particular decisions are to be made, but the most important thing for me was to respect what my mom wanted and any good news I heard, provide her with it. Every person is different. Some people like to know facts and deal with it head on. My mom wanted to remain in a state of denial. Being a fact person myself, it was very hard for me to continue this state of denial, but I'm so glad this is the approach we took. She enjoyed life so very much and didn't have any amends to make, so it wasn't like her to face her fears, resolve things, etc. My mom wanted to just live in the moment. I found this to be the best for for my family to handle it...no recommendations here, just my experience. My mom and I were able to have a lot of good days. I'm not too sure if we would have been able to do that had we dealt with the believe that she possibly couldn't be cured. I give you my best wishes and I will pray that this is caught early. There are many things they can do, so keep your chin up and hang in there. This is a great place to come for resources without having to know statistics. Statistics are skewed, outdated and inaccurate anyway. Take Care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I echo that everyone is different. Some want to know everything and others want to know as little as possible. I think one needs to respect both. Lucie's onc would not have volunteered any prognosis, but we asked because we wanted to react to it, get it behind us and move on. The prognosis (statistics) was, as Ry says, waaaaay off! It was nine months, and Lucie is now 28 months out and going strong. Lucie does not participate in this forum because she does not want to be overwhelmed with the info, the bad news, etc. She lets me do that, which I don't mind, and I give her what info, support from here she needs. It works out well that way for us. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest robd1 Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 thanks for input folks....you;re all very inspirational....,truly.. be well.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebsSky Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Hi Robd1 and welcome: I purposely never asked my mother's onc. for a prognosis, I don't want to hear it and I don't think she does either. Everybody is different and everybody will not react the same to treatment, so I prefer to not ask for a prognosis. I know what the stats are and I still try to think positively. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Welcome, Rob. I believe all of use need to know our diagnosis, but none of us truly want a prognosis. Best case scenario is knowing it and deciding to beat it, worst case is allowing it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. There are many people here that have lived beyond their prognosis and time-line. I didn't want my doctor to tell me my prognosis. Yep, looked EVERYTHING up on the 'Net and as long as there was a slim chance, I pictured myself as Slim....but had my doctor told me that in my particular case, my estimate was ______, that would have cemented things a lot more. I want to know EVERY positive I can lay eyes on, I don't want to have to balance it with negatives...(not possible, but that's what I WANT) Find out a diagnosis, then you can research TREATMENT....but don't research odds and probability unless you are weighing two treatments and their survival rates. Always put your loved one on the side of the scales that survives... Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Rob - sorry to hear about your father. We as a family knew what the doctor saw was not good by the way she pointed it out and got things moving. Of course we knew that it was probably LC, I think there is always a sense of fear, sadness and disappointment in the family. One of the first things we asked her doctor was will she be okay? I loved his response he said "Keep thinking Positive" My mom was diagnosed in Nov. and finally when she started her treatment is when we were able to feel a bit better knowing that action was being taken. Now it is hard not knowing what is going on with her tumor. Good luck and stay strong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I am sorry that your dad probably got lung cancer. But it's not diagnosed yet, right? But you find this website right, many of us can provide some information or knowledge or experience to you. Don't worry too much...too soon to worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Hi Rob, I tend to agree with the majority here. I think sometimes if one is given a prognisis of say "six months" they get it so stuck in their heads that they will not live past that point that they almost resign to death at that given time. Does that make any sense??? Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Rob - just to throw my two cents worth in - I would not worry about a prognosis. I HATE to hear "so and so has 6 months to live". How does ANYONE know that? No one but God knows when it's your time to join Him. I would say get the diagnoses, get very educated on the treatment, and help him fight! I gotta tell you this, I have a distant relative who's mother was diagnosed with colon cancer 12 months ago. the doctor said she had 18 months to live. She's had treatment and she's doing great, in fact, I think she'd on a cruise right now. but her kids (grown adults) are telling folks that she now has 6 months to live. I ask them why do you say that and they can't give me a real answer. I don't get it. when ya'll know more about his diagnoses please come back and let us know. and I hope to hear that he doesn't have cancer. but if he does, you will have support here. Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Rob- Like everyone has said, we are all different. I started at stage 1a and ended up at stage 3a before all was said and done. I wanted to know everything including the statistics (of course after I heard them it took me several months to climb out of that hole). By coming here I have learned that it makes no difference what the doctors say, we are all different and those that you think will clearly "not make it".........HAVE! Some amazing things have happened to people on this board! If you feel you need all the information then get it, but your dad may not want it.....everyone is different and handles things differently. Good luck and keep us posted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindseysmom Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Rob, When I was first diagnosed I did research on the internet. I read everything on the staging of the disease and the statistics. It was not a pretty picture. When I first met with my onc. he came out and told me without me asking. You have stage 111b lung cancer you will not be here in two years. Guess what he was wrong!!! I am stable, feel wonderful, and doing great, and getting fat as a pig. So statistics are not everything. I hope this helps a little. Best wishes, Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest robd1 Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 thanks to everyone ,for your input.. it all helps....in 7 days.. , ive learned it's day by day process.. ....,do and be your best everyday.. thanks much.. we'll chat soon.. be well., all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Rob, The first thing my Onco. Surgeon said to me (he knew my dad) was, this is NOT a death sentence. He got my attention right away and gave me soooo much hope at the same time. I figured all the cancer he cuts out, if he said that I must be okay. Everyone is different and you truly have to decide for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 A diagnosis of lung cancer is very scary. I'll never forget sitting there while my doctor told me about the spot on my lung, I barely heard a word he said. I hope you can try not to get too upset until you get the diagnosis. Be sure to post and let us know what's happening. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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