Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Carolsdaughter

My Dads Condition After Losing Mom

Recommended Posts

Some of you might remember that at my moms viewing a woman (vulture) showed up after not seeing my dad for 20 years. She used to work with my dad and when she heard that my mom had died she showed up at her viewing to re-connect with him. Long story made short, she is still in his life much to my dismay.

My dad has been having symptoms to make us think that he is getting Alzheimer¡Çs. He constantly forgets that he has talked to us; He forgets what we have discussed. He forgets what he is doing and where he is going and what he is doing next. My brother and I had convinced him to see a doctor because we had heard that Alzheimer¡Çs could be treated. We were even successful about having him seen by a new doctor, not the one who completely missed my moms¡Ç lung cancer. After the examination the doctor told us that he didn't think my dad had Alzheimer¡Çs, he felt that my dad was depressed. I was like yeah, that would make complete sense to me. My dad has not even had time to grieve for the loss of my mom. The vulture swept in without warning and has not left my dad with a moment¡Çs peace.

Luckily, my dad is open to getting treatment for depression as long as it makes him feel better. I was very proud of him when he admitted to the doctor that he didn't feel good. I believe that it is so important to seek treatment from a qualified doctor when things feel "off". We know ourselves and our bodies and we should not cast our concerns aside.

If you have someone you love acting different after the loss of someone important in their lives get that person checked out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hope things go well with your Dad's treatment. Depression can do really strange things to us. It sounds like your Dad needs some time and space for thinking and remembering. Keeping you both in my prayers!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had my Dad to the doctor also and they put him on Zoloft. Dad says he is starting to feel better already. I hope your Dad has the same results! Maybe then you can get rid of vulture woman!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Carols,

I'm so glad to hear your dad is getting treatment.

Grieving is such a major issue that can effect us in so many different ways. I'm sorry to hear that the other woman has pushed her way in so soon. I know that had to be hard on you...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sure do hope the meds will make the difference and I bet they will.

As to vulture woman, as he gets healthier, his needs will change. Also, the first woman - transitional person - usually doesn't last. Whatever you do, don't burn down her house or she might move in with your Dad. If you can, don't attack for that may push him to defend. He is still Dad, hopefully a more healthy healed Dad will make different choices. If not, well, you just gotta take him like he is.

Margaret

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi there, I'm sorry things aren't going well -- my father is very depressed as well (mom died on the 16th).

Is your dad elderly? My grandma is experiencing little things which made us very worried about her: she'd forget things and get confused easier. She'd stop mid-sentence and forget what she was going to say. My husband's mother has worked with elderly people for over twenty years. She said that it's very normal for people to act this way, old and young alike, but especially with those 70+.

That may not make you feel better but it's important to know a couple of things: that you're not alone, and that although it's difficult, try not to worry so much unless this continues for a great amount of time. That's what she said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all of your support. We have some of the VERY BEST people here! My sweet dad will be 69 tomorrow. Your thoughts here have help to open my eyes. It never ceases to amaze me the impact of anothers mind can make on us. One of my favorite authors is Dr. Wayne Dyer. One of the things I have learned from him is "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear". What that means to me is that we can hear the same stuff every day but until we are ready to hear it it won't mean a thing to us. Thanks for sharing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Be sure and wish your Dad a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY from all of us here on the message board. I know special days can be tough to get through after you have lost a spouse. I am praying that he will find new joy and meaning in today as he begins a new year of his life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, I can relate to the memory loss. I'm only 40 and I am having a hard time remembering ANYTHING. Someone said it was grief. I'd believe it. Glad he has someone looking out for him.

As for the vulture. I can't believe the ba..s on some people. I know my uncle married my aunts best friend shortly after my aunt died. I was amazed. It just doesn't seem right HOWEVER I think your dad probably can't see the forest for the trees right now and he'll probably give her a good kick in the fanny soon.

Best of luck to you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I stopped by to see my dad tonight and he told me that the physical we went too turn up blood test results that had his PSA elevated to 5.8. Dad was dx with prostate cancer 4 years ago but he has been able to control the PSA with meds. The doctor put him on the medicine he was using before the new medicine 4 months ago and he will re-test him in a month.

I want to scream! My son Nick is having his surgery on Wed. we were suppose to close on a new home on Friday, but now it is suppose to be this week and I told him depending on how my son is doing we may have to wait a week more. Now my dad's cancer is climbing again????

Now whenever anything comes up and we are waiting for something to "work" like meds I need answers, so I begin to surf the web.... I can't wait to hear the results of the med working or not I need to know if it is spreading and what the symptoms would be. So I will search... Does anyone here have experience with Prostate Cancer?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I am a 9-year survivor of prostate cancer, two bouts. PSA 5.8 is generally not that high. 4.0 or below is considered "normal" but it differs with the individual and tends to increase normally with age because the prostate tends to enlarge with age. PSA is not a measure of cancer, but can be an indicator. Other things can cause elevation of PSA, such as a prostate or bladder infection. Your dad is 69, so generally, if he had cancer, it probably would grow slowly -- plenty of time to determine if there is cancer and what to do about it if it is. The normal first thing is to determine if there is an infection. Good luck. Don

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for your reply Don.

The message I hear from you is one of hope. I did go to the internet last night and looked up all kinds of stuff on this, esp. things about spreading. In retrospect, I prefer the one you gave. I know I can seek and find what ever message I desire on this topic, and hope is the best that I can see.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dad waited a month to get re-tested. I found out tonight that his PSA has climbed to 6.4. He will meet with his doctor to dicuss his options this week. I am trying to be strong but these last two years have been filled with much trauma. Mom died March 20, 2003 and Nick (17 DS) was almost killed by a tire at work on July 10, 2004.

I CAN BE STRONG, I can be strong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, hun...you can and will be strong!!!! Ginny is completely correct. Prostate cancer is very treatable, curable and manageable. I have several friends that have gone through the surgery several years ago and are now completely cancer free. I'm remembering you and your dad in my prayers. I know this must be rough on you, as we automatically think of the very worst!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...