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been here three months, time for me to open up!


myagle2

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:shock: Ok----- been here since October, time to open my mouth and learn. Havent filled out all the necessary info yet, cause not sure of all ( he tries to keep me unnformed). My husband was dx as of October of 04 with stage IV ncslc . I know its bad, he keeps me in the dark. 2 weeks on and one week off, chemo, i do know its not operative, i do not know how really bad it is, he is very sick, he is one 10 days of shots, cause his white count cell is bad.

He is sick a lot of the time, and I try, when I come home from work to see that he eats, what I can get in him. I have to be at work, as we own a home, thank god, he got the insurance on the home, and on his mostly new truck. I feel like I hve been thrust into a big black hole, as he has always worked very hard all his life, and now things are bleak, Since Iam so in the dark, do you suggest that I request a special app. with the cancer center? I need to know, thanks in advance. Mary

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Hi Mary and WELCOME!

Take heart, my dear. It might not be quite as bad as you think. Your post reminds me a lot about myself. I didn't lurk this board quite as long as you did before posting, but I was hesitant to post.

If you read my husband's profile below, you will see that he is also Stage IV, and yes, his cancer is bad, too. He, too, got very sick, lost a lot of weight, and missed a lot of work during treatment. He, too, was a very active and hard-working man.

Now, the good news is, that he recovered from all those nasty treatments and has been back to work full time since December 3, 2003. You read that right. He is more than 17 mos. post-diagnosis, and the initial diagnosis was with 8 brain mets. He is really doing well.

I want you to be encouraged, and especially around your husband. As long as he thinks you will get very upset with any bad news, he will probably withhold it from you. I have the same problem with my husband. As silly as it sounds, I kind of have to act like everything is just normal before he will tell me anything.

There have been many, many, many threads on this board about how differently everyone reacts to a cancer diagnosis, both patient and caregiver. No matter how he is reacting, or you are reacting, it's ok.

Again, your post sounds like you are very discouraged, and I want you to know there is really great hope for your husband. There are no guarantees, and every case is different, but there is hope.

It is very normal for lc patients to get sick and to be very tired during treatment. I didn't know that when my husband was going through it. I thought it was the cancer, but it wasn't.

OK, chin up, shoulders back and take deep breaths. You've just got to believe that there is hope.

Love and WELCOME!

Peggy

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Oh, Mary, you are so WELCOME! So often families don't want to talk about it. That's what we are here for. Everything here isn't always good news, but you have come to the right place for hope. Believe me!

Nobody in your family probably knows what to say to you when you are scared and crying and freaking out or worried - BUT WE DO!!!!!! We are here for you!

We all know the dangers, and we all know how scary and depressing this is. Please, please, please stay very close to this website. Learn your way around through all the different forums, General, Good News, SCLC, etc. And most definitely read Just for Laughs, and while you are reading Just for Laughs, REMEMBER - most of the people posting those jokes have lung cancer!

This is such a great place. Stick around. You'll see.

God bless you,

Peggy

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Mary,I hope he eventually opens up more to you as I feel it is important for every patient to have an

involved & informed advocate.

There are many here same stage as he that are doing pretty well.I wish you much sucess in this.

remember there are lots of us here to help with any

questions or whatever comes along.

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Mary,

I'm glad you decided to join in and talk with this group. It must be very hard to live with someone that won't communicate with you about his illness. There is so much to be learned from the wonderful people on this board and lots of helpful, as well as hopeful experiences shared here. I hope you will find it a comfort to know that you are not alone going through this. Looking forward to hearing more from you in the future.

(((hugs))),

sue

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Stage IV, what's so bad about that...it's not a death sentance...read my profile below.

My advice is get tough with your husband, you're in this together. Its just as hard on you as it is on him and he will feel much better when you are on equal ground fighting together.

Cancer Sux, but it is not the end of the world, you two will find a new normallcy,

luv

jim

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Mary,

Welcome to this group. You have found one of the BEST groups of people in the world right here. They will help you, listen to you, try to answer your questions and hold your hand thru this nightmare. I say "they" because I have been much more of a taker than a giver around here; but I'm getting stronger every day (Thankyou Peggy) and look forward to the time when I can give back as much as I have gained here. Everyone needs someone to talk to and there is no such thing as a stranger around here.

Love and prayers,

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Welcome to our large chatty group Mary. I kind of twinged when I read your post about having no one to talk to. I can relate to the whole world falling down around your ears...with absolutely no one to hear your thoughts. Many of us have that problem with our loved ones. It's like if they don't speak about it....it might not be there. I was diagnosed 7/03 and my dear loving husband has yet to say the word "cancer" out loud. He supported me through everything...took care of me through the worst times up through today's better times. He's still very solicitous about my needs. But the word "cancer" has still never crossed his lips. He'll only say..."It's gone and it's not coming back". No discussions. So when you feel you're the only passenger on the boat Mary....just stop by here to chat. Someone here in this group knows something about everything related to lung cancer. Suooprt...learning...and just sharing...it's all here.

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Welcome Mary

Come back often! Although my cancer was caught early on, I too had a difficult time discussing it with my husband or anyone for that matter.

At that point I believed that unless one was living it then they couldn't understand any of the emotions, so for some time it was just me on this side and everyone else on that other side. Keep on with whatever you have been doing to support your husband. He recognizes the effort even if he isn't acknowledging it to you.

Learning and reading other peoples stories will show you that there is much hope for the future .

My best to you and your husband

Kate

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