Remembering Dave Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I don't know what to do. I just got my weekly call from the daycare director, telling me Faith has pulled hair twice today. She said she saved one of the hair pullings in a baggie (she did that last week). I told the Director she did not need to save hair in a baggie for my benefit, I am a grown up and fully understand how bad it is, and franky I didn't need any more drama in my life right now CUT THE DRAMA, I said! We had a FLAWLESS, PLEASANT morning and evening last night. I just don't know what is going on with Faith. There are ten children in her class and one teacher. I'm thinking she needs more attention. maybe I can find a daycare with smaller classes. aaarrrggghhh. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Is there one kid in particular that she is beating up? Maybe there is a problem there? Maybe a new school or teacher would do her some good. I never had this problem, my kid was the one being bitten. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K and Kids Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Hi Karen, I am not sure how old Faith is but 10 kids to 1 teacher sounds a little too crazy to really handle situations like this. Is there any way the school could have another adult to come in and shadow Faith. I used to do this with the infants/toddlers in my group who needed a little extra guidance ... I called it "being their conscience". It doesn't take much from the adult ... just moving in when an argument starts to heat up or even placing a gentle hand on their shoulder to remind them that you are there. The adult can remind her that it is OK to be angry/frustrated/sad and how to use her words instead of her body. The other thing that shadowing will help with is finding out what sets her off. If the adult is watching and taking note of those situations that Faith has a hard time dealing with, other teachers can be made aware and keep their eyes and ears open and get there to help before the kids get physical. The whole point is to be able to help her learn the appropriate way to deal with these situations. I'm sure you have found that kids don't verbalize their frustrations or worries, they act out. My 4, almost 5 year old, is having separation issues and he has verbalized very little to me about it. Boy, did that come out of left field. Faith sounds like she is just not going to put up with frustrating situations and hair pulling might be her way of saying "Back off" or "Give me my space". I could be off on that but that is what I have seen in other children. With all that your family is going through it does not surprise me that a little one is going through this ... unfortunately, it is sad and frustrating for you. I don't know if I have made any sense. The most important thing is that your little one is just working through some issues ... and she might need a little help. There is nothing wrong with that. What you have described Faith doing is not unusual ... she is perfectly normal and will get through this. She just needs a little help and understanding and a good school will recognize this. Hope I haven't over stepped my bounds. I just hate seeing children and their parents in distress over something that takes a little effort on the part of the school and teaching staff. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Here I go ... jumping OFF my soap box ... you're safe now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hello! I have a friend who's daughter is going through the same thing and she found a solution that seems to be working. Her daughter is 5 and what she does and calls the daycare in the afternoon and talks to her daughter and asks if she is having a good day and to remind her if she is having troubles to speak to the teacher, etc. It seemed that for her daughter, expecting a check up call from mom has curbed some of her behaviour and the little girl is proud to tell mom she is having a good day and if she is having a good day, my friend gives her daughter a special treat when she picks her up from daycare, either a favorite cookie or something like that. It seems to be working (her daughter is a biter). Hope this info might help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hebbie Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 I'm so sorry you are going through this with Faith. I just wanted to make a comment, taking the OPPOSITE stand on Faith's school situation -- I don't know if switching schools/teachers right now would be in her best interest. I know with my son, he had so much change going on in every other aspect of his life, I think he needed the stability of school. A place he could count on to not change. Perhaps you can sit down with the teacher and try to come up with a plan to make things a little easier for her right now. Maybe she needs a little extra attention for a while. Just a thought. I believe you also said you were looking into (or going?) to counseling. I think that is a wonderful idea. We have a counseling session for my son this Saturday.....just in time to discuss the note WE got sent home from school this week. He KICKED a friend during an argument. *Sigh*..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Well, met with the Director and Teacher when I picked Faith up yesterday. She's attacking different kids, and it's always right after a transition - they go from lunchtime to reading and she won't sit down, etc. so the teacher corrects her and tells her to sit down, etc., and then a few minutes later Faith is attacking some kid (retaliation to the teacher). Anyway, met with the counselor this morning - most of the time was spent with her in her office playing with Faith. Dave and I waited out in the hall but Faith kept coming out to show me toys so I went out to the car. She took right to the counselor and opened up to her as much as her limited verbal skills would allow. The counselor gave me a few ideas for helping Faith behave, like an incentive chart at school and I called and talked to the teacher about it while Dave drove Faith back to school and she is definitely on the same page with me. Faith was very very happy to talk to the counselor and even told me she wanted to stay there and play with her. too cute. but she also promised after they talked that she would be a good girl at school. I think Faith was almost relieved to have someone to talk to about it! Maybe it was the non-parental attention she's been wanting to get. I do think that one teacher to ten three/four year olds isn't enough. But I think she needs to stay there, she's been at that daycare since she came home from China and I think she needs the consistency, especially right now. The teacher really wants her to stay. When she was littler, around two, Faith went through a terrible biting stage and at that time, with that age group, they always had a helper in the room so they would get that girl to shadow Faith. It worked pretty well I think. But for some reason they are just not willing to do that right now. Frankly, I don't think they have the extra staff. So, we'll see how it goes. My poor little confused girl! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAnn Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hi Karen, I am so sorry that you are having a little problem with Faith. Just wanted to chime in with my experience. I worked in the Administration in a Montessori Preschool (18 months - 6 years) for 3 1/2 years. It was my job to schedule the teachers and aids for each classroom. The director was mainly concerned about getting as many children (she saw them as $$$) in the classrooms with minimum staff and staying within the State Ratio Guidelines. As long as we were in "ratio" then she thought everything is fine. Of course this was what was good for business, but not what was good for the kids, or staff. We would have 3-6 yr olds in a class w/27 kids to 1 teacher and 1 aid. It was a privately owned school and I loved working with the kids, but couldn't work w/the owner and found another job. I hope the counselor continues to work w/Faith. Sounds like the one on one is good for her. Thinking of you, oh and I love David's new picture! TAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 TAnn - that is just terrible. I don't think this Director is that bad - it's a church daycare and I know they have a limited budget and are not for profit - but she just thinks that at "this age" they should be able to behave themselves without alot of adult supervision and I don't agree. But we'll see. Kimblanchard - I meant to say I liked your idea of calling Faith every day and I think I will set that up with the teacher. I know there is a certain part of the day that she keeps the cordless phone in her classroom. I think Faith just needs the attention. we'll see. and yes, don't you love Dave's new picture? I didn't know a thing about it until I logged on here today. what a hoot. he's either got some really serious brain damage, or he just needs a big humorous vent. maybe a little of both . . .! KC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindseysmom Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Love the picture Dave!!! You are just to funny and cute too. Best Wishes, Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Karen, Good luck. I know how it gets. Hope everything calms down for a while now. XOXOXOXOX Prayers, always, MaryAnn Thank goodness Dave got rid of that AWFUL wig. He was not meant to live life as a blonde..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Just the teacher in me kicking in, but.... If she is having trouble with transition times... Maybe suggest to the teacher that she give Faith a little warning? Like--every time they are about to start a new task, say to Faith, or the whole class, "In five minutes we will stop playing with the clay, and start coloring our pictures." And then count down--give her warning at 3 minutes and then 1 minute. Or... "In five minutes it will be time to take a bathroom break." Maybe the abruptness of the change is throwing her off, and that could steady her some? Sometimes that can really help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 What I do with my son is tell him whether it is for being good at school with no problems, having accidents, or even when he eats at home we started a zoo fund. Everytime he does something that is good like no fights for the whole day or no accidents for the day I give him anywhere from a quarter to a dollar to put in his fund. But now he got carried away and has a Zoo fund, Disneyland fund and a toy fund but it has really improved him. I remind him every morning that if it is a good day he will get money Just my input Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted February 10, 2005 Author Share Posted February 10, 2005 treebywater and calintay, I love both those ideas! I am so glad I posted. I feel like I vent every little problem we have here, but there are some really creative and experienced folks here! one thing we did tell her is if she'd good all week she can go to IHOP with Daddy and reminders of this seems to have some impact. she loves going to IHOP for breakfast with daddy but she hates pancakes! Dave orders extra eggs for her instead of pancakes and she eats every bite! anyway, she had a GREAT day yesterday. I do think talking to the counselor helped so much. she talked about it yesterday evening, kept asking when she could go back and play with our new friend. but the teacher said she was flawless yesterday, all cooperation, no backtalking, no terrorizing the other kids. funny, the other kids do love her despite it all. three year olds are so forgiving. Itook a bunch of stuff to school yesterday for Chinese New Year, including some children's books about it I found on Amazon, and they celebrated it all day and learned about it, the teacher had them make paper lanterns, and I think that was good, too, Faith knew it was sort of for her although she doesn't really understand why. so hopefully we're on the right track. I will suggest to the teacher about the warning thing. I wonder if she does that anyway. she's around 50, I guess, and has been doing this for a long time. she's pretty good. thanks so much everyone, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Those so called "little problems" can bring a lot of stress to our lives but the results that we would get from the children in the long run would be worse. I don't consider that a "little problem" but if you need to vent or need any help let us know Heidi YUMMY IHOP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 David, Call Supernanny!! Have you seen the show? I really have no advice as I have only raised dogs. I hope things mellow for you. Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 when you guys get this all figured out, let me know....I still have problems biting the other kids. cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 I'm so glad she is having some better days! Yummm... I want to go to IHOP! I like their eggs too. Keep us posted on how she's doing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Ack Double post!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Triple post... *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted February 11, 2005 Author Share Posted February 11, 2005 Heidi, the calling idea worked today. well, I called while they were napping and the teacher told me that Faith had grabbed her best friend's hood on the playground and was swinging her around and she told her to stop and she didn't so the teacher got her and put her in timeout (sitting on the ground against the fence) so Faith starting throwing sand at her (the teacher) so she took Faith into the office to sit with the director. so I called after nap/snack, right before they were going back out on the playground and they put Faith on the phone and I talked to her about being a good girl and she asked if she could watch nemo in the car and I said only if you are a good girl, and when the teacher tells you to say something you say Yes Ma'am and do it, Faith said, Yes Ma'am. well, when I picked her I was told she was very good the rest of the afternoon! she got a prize from the prize box (happy meal toy type stuff, I donated a bunch of little cars and things from the dollar store). so, I think that either Dave or i should call her every day and remind her to be good. what a roller coaster ride. poor little thing, I really feel for her. she is going through so much in her little life! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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