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Feeling Blessed and Sad today...


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Daddy wrote me a letter that I received today trying to pass on wisdom for us as we begin the journey of parenthood. It made me cry, and I sit here just feeling SO BLESSED at the parents I have, and so sad for the changes LC has already brought to our family.

My folks are the type... who, no matter how far away I am, if something is important to me, they'll be there. I'm so lucky that way. They helped me through my first separation from my husband when he went to boot camp (was living in same town as them at the time). They helped me with my homework in school. They made every extra-curricular event that I had in school, and they just had to come visit at college every couple of months because they wanted to see me. I'm so lucky. I know that if circumstances were different, I could count on them coming to visit us wherever we were... even at duty stations in other countries, and even as far away as we are now... Just because they'd want to be with us. (Husband is in the Navy btw)

I know that they desperately, desperately want to be here when the baby is born... That they want to hold her when she is still 'fresh from God.' That they want to hold my hand through the contractions, and if my husband isn't able to be here during the birth or has to leave soon after, that they want to be the ones to help me through the first days of 'new mommyhood.' And I hate that they can't.

I hate that when I think of a recipe mom always made SOO well I can't just pick up the phone and call for her help with it because I know she might be sleeping or having a day when just talking on the phone takes sooo much energy.

I hate that they can't decide to go to the riverboat and have a good time with friends just on a whim... that's too far to travel and mom rarely feels up to it.

I believe Mom is going to have some better days. I really, really do. But it just seems like the cancer has taken so much from her already and it makes me mad and sad.

And all this makes me grateful too for what I get to do this year... It will be hard to leave my husband while he is still on land to go and be near my folks after the baby gets here... but it's MY TURN to do the rearranging and to say YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT that I'm HERE. I'm so lucky and blessed to be able to do that. I thank God for the opportunity.

There aren't many people in the world who I think would completely understand what I'm saying here... but I thought you all might.

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Val,

You very much are blessed. I'm a Navy brat and an ex-Army wife. My grandparents used to travel to see us because they missed their girl (my mom) and loved their "far away" grandkids. While away from home with my ex-husband, my parents would visit - or if my father couldn't get the time off work, they would send plane tickets to bring US home. Didn't make up for the rest of the time when we didn't see them, but helped ease the ache some.

I know that you are concerned about your mother not getting enough sleep, but call her. Call her for the recipes, call her to say hi, even if you only talk to her for a minute or two and only get out "Hi" and "I love you". Don't allow the cancer to take that away from HER. She needs to know that she is still needed and that no matter how grown you are, you will always be her little girl. It's how moms work, you'll find that out soon.

I'm sure they'll love the little bundle no matter how far from new and shiny she is when they see her for the first time. They'll be wrapped around that little one's finger so tight by their heart strings...

It's okay to miss what is no longer there, but don't miss out on any more than you absolutely have to. Call her...send her letters and cards...and keep on hanging on.

Becky

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Oh Val,

I completely understood everything you wrote and all that you feel. I have to tell you that your thoughts about Mom and Daddy seeing the baby when she is "fresh from God" was an absolute chilling way to explain her birth... I never looked at it that way and it is a beautiful sentiment. I know things are hard, I know you wish with all your heart and soul that you could "fix things" and make them go back to the way they were, its so hard. Just know I do understand, and I do pray for you and your family and that beautiful little girl who is getting ready to make her entrance into our world. God Bless You Val. Love, Sharon

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I know that you are concerned about your mother not getting enough sleep, but call her. Call her for the recipes, call her to say hi, even if you only talk to her for a minute or two and only get out "Hi" and "I love you". Don't allow the cancer to take that away from HER. She needs to know that she is still needed and that no matter how grown you are, you will always be her little girl. It's how moms work, you'll find that out soon.

It's okay to miss what is no longer there, but don't miss out on any more than you absolutely have to. Call her...send her letters and cards...and keep on hanging on.

Becky

Oh, I promise I do! I try to call every day, but sometimes she isn't up to talking so I delegate giving hugs and I love yous through Dad. I'm not tip-toeing so much that I'm not calling. Just miss being able to go, "How much salt goes in the ice cream recipe?" and calling knowing if she was there she's look through her books and laugh with her because the last time I got that recipe from her I put in WAY too much salt. ;) Course I can still do the laughing part later on, too. :)

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Val,

I just want to say that I understand a lot of what you wrote today. As heartbreaking as it is to have someone we love go through this disease, it also opens our eyes to the world around us. We begin to see things clearly that otherwise we may have taken for granted. In some ways, it is like a gift from God. It means we have to change our original visions and make new priorities , but life can be much more rich and meaningful than it would have been other wise. Okay, this is just me ranting because I'm speaking from my heart and relaying the way I have learned to see things. Do I cry because things aren't the way I planned them or because my world seems upside down? Yes, yes , yes I do , but then I feel things and enjoy things at a depth I never would have other wise.. Does this make sense? I hope so. It doesn't change things, but I hope you can enjoy the simple things that much more. I know I do. You are blessed to have such wonderful parents. Something tells me you will be following their footsteps. :wink:

God Bless you,

sue

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Hi Val

I completely understand all that you wrote. Sometimes it is so overwhelming when you realise how much the cancer affects everything in your lives. I don't have much more to add, but every word of what you wrote could have been written by me!

Sending you love

Jana

xxx

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Things will get better but I know it's tough to see someone you love so much go through the rigors of treatment for this disease. I've seen the treatment completely zap a 220 lb. man whose nickname is "the animal." (He played drums for 30 years so they named him after the muppet guy - didn't want you to think that he got the name for being abusive!!!) But within weeks of completing the chemotherapy regime I see the return of energy and zest for life. Your mom is in the middle of the tough side of things. She'll be back - just try to hold on to that. The impending birth of her grandchild may just be God's gift that gives her that extra fight.

Hang in there, you're in our thoughts and prayers. Things "will" improve.

Janetg

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That's good stuff, kiddo. I tell you what, my aunt once said you never know how much you have in life until you're on the edge of losing it. In some ways, these awful experiences are a gift from God, showing us the obvious gifts we have.

I agree with Becky (gee, again, can't believe how much I agree with Becky lately LOL) but I think you should call your Mom.

hang in there kiddo. I can't wait for that baby to come!

Karen

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