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Remembering Dave

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what a weekend. after getting the devastating news on Friday about Dave's bone mets, we were crushed. and I watched Dave go steadily downnhill over the weekend. all of a sudden he realized why he'd been feeling so bad. so bad he'd been trying to ignore it. and now he could ignore it no longer. by Friday night he was feeling bad. he woke up Saturday morning in pain and could barely move. Saturday night he slept hard and unusually long and would fall asleep in the chair on Sunday in the middle of a conversation. I was getting worried and panicky. I thought he was slipping away in front of me. He also admitted he was becoming deeply depressed - Dave, the most mentally in control person I have ever known in my entire life, becoming visibly deeply depressed.

Soo, this morning, after I dropped Faith off at daycare, I decided to just pop into the onco doc's office (literally a half mile from daycare) and insist on talking to either the doc or his nurse, making sure they knew about this diagnoses immediately (he was out of the office last week), making sure they would immediately start a plan of action, we HAD to be doing something, Dave and I were going crazy with worry and I was worried about his physical and mental condition - not to mention my mental condition. I hadn't stopped sobbing all weekend. Which made Faith just cling to me like velcro.

Parked the car, got out and saw the nurse walking up the sidewalk. Told her, in between blubbering, what was going on, she was shocked. Said she'd get all the scan results together, put it all right in front of the doc as soon as he got in, find a patient she could switch Dave's Wed. appt. with for today, and would call on my cell to let me know when to come in.

12:30. Met Dave there, this was after my 9:00 appt. with Faith's shrink (what a Godsend and angel this woman is) and my 11:00 appt. with my shrink (who listened with great empathy and got me focused on the logically obvious - once we met with the doc and got a plan, we'd feel better.)

Ok, so the plan is, Dave starts tomorrow on chemo Topotocan (sp?) and an iv med, zometa, which is to strengthen his bones. RFA is out for the liver met, because of the chemo - doesn't want to do any surgery b/c the chemo would interfere with healing. hopes the chemo will get the liver met. He was going to order radiation to the hip met, but after questioning Dave, decided he wasn't in pain, it just felt weak, and he didn't want to radiate and kill bone marrow while he was getting chemo. Makes sense. Did order xray of hip to see closer what damage was there. said the spine and hip mets were spots, not one big long tumor.

What I don't want to say here, but I will, is that we asked him - is this chemo to prolong his life, make things easier for him, or this a possible cure. He said he wouldn't rule out a cure, but without a miracle, Dave might have six months left. I asked him, have you ever in your practice seen what you would call a miracle? Answer, Yes. OK, I said, I believe that miracles don't come easily. Miracles have to be worked toward. God helps those who help themself, in whatever way they are able. We are going to think positive, do what we can, and ask God for a miracle to happen through this chemo. I asked the doc if he believed that's the way it worked, and he said yes, that sounds right to me. So the three of us agreed, we are working towards a miracle, and we aren't giving up. so much better, because at one point over the weekend, Dave said he wasn't sure he could take any more fight. but he can, I know he can, and I, and his family, will get him through it.

We feel better, we CAN do something, but we're scared. I can't begin to imagine my life without Dave, Faith's life without her daddy. I can't even imagine what Dave is feeling. I know his faith is strong, and he can be ready for the next step, but I know he doesn't want to leave us. but I REFUSE to believe this is it. I won't give in or give up. and neither is Dave. I told him that I think I've been taking the whole cancer thing for granted. I've just always assumed that no matter what, he'd eventually kill all the cancer in his body and be ok. But now, it's literally life or death, no question about it.

The thing with small cell is, it's just so aggressive, so sneaky, so fast growing and moving. It's not a cancer you can stablize and live with for long periods. It seems to be either kill it or die.

Well, I will close now. I know everyone will ask God for a miracle for us and I greatly appreciate it.

God Bless us all,


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Karen and Dave and BeckyCW and entire family,

All of our thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope and pray Dave is one who beats the odds!!! Put on your boxing gloves, the fight is on!

I am here for you anytime.


Andrea (and family)

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Karen....we sorta know the feeling here! :( I started chemo today...same one...Topotecan. My onc and his partner AND the nurse today said they use it for second line or metastasized small cell because it works! I'm focusing on that too...on it WORKING...hoping for some decent time. I've got four tumors in the liver and "multiple masses" in the pancreas. It's not a pretty picture here, either.

I'm older than Dave and have lived more of my life...but there still are things I want to see...like my oldest get married and my youngest get his MBA. That's gonna require up to another couple of years!

The fear is disabling...but being in tx helps. We are actively doing something to fight, in treatment...so hang on to that too.

I hope you guys get your miracle.....I truly do. And I hope I get one too :wink: ...at least long enough to fulfill those two wishes I mentioned.

One foot ahead of the other and LIVE each day as much as we can. I have to tell you....my gut has been so bad since mid January....unsettled and mildly nauseated every single day...and after the premeds today....I'm like a new woman! Virtually no more discomfort.

They are only going to give me 8 mgs. of Decadron tomorrow. I had 10 today. I know David has a hard time with the steroids...but ask how much he's getting. Last time with chemo....with the carboplatin...the started me at 20 mgs. Guess you need more with the platins....but eventually I was a weeping mess one week....so they cut me to l0 mgs. then.

If David is getting more than 8-10 mgs. with the Topotecan....ask why. Maybe they can reduce him...still keep him nausea free...but not have him turn into Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk! :roll: )

All my best to you guys. Let's go get those miracles....eh?

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