shelliemacs Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 ok, today happens to be a bad day for me (fight with spouse, money worry, still under winters cold grip) but I wonder on these days. Will simple joy ever come back to me? I base this on the fact that losing mom to LC in August of 03 then losing dad to LC in June 04m then sister getting cancer in June 04. I seem to have lost simple joy, ease of smiling, carefree laughter. I am always stressed, and always making lists of things I have to either stress over or take care of. I can't relax. Nothing comes simply. I don't laugh easily with people. I don't just sit back and watch the clouds pass. It is always in the back of my mind that I am 36 and even though I know people have always had it worse than me and always will. Both of my parents are gone. I will never get to ask mom her opinion again, I will never turn to my dad for car repairs again. I won't be able to take my parents to sunday dinner in their twiligth years like my parents did with their parents. I wan't life to be simple again, I want to wake up without this feeling. its not all sadness, or grief or depression, its like a "something is ultimately and forever going to be different and I can't do anything about it" feeling. is this how it will always be. won't simple happiness without trying ever come back. will I always feel "lost" in a world of other people who still have there parents? I know I have to get over this. Most days I am fine. but today, today its hitting me again that my parents are laying under dirt on top of a hill with a stone marking who they were and here is where their bodies are laying. When I go to the cemetary I just want to dig so I can physicially see them. I want to shake them awake, I want them to butt into my life again and share unwanted advice or opinions. I want my mom to critisize my hair style or my clothes again. I want my dad to tell me I am a neurotic freak again and to stop taking life to seriously. I know everyone here, patient and caregiver have lost in their lives. so everyone can chime in on this, WHEN OR DOES LIFE EVER FEEL LIKE LIFE AGAIN? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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