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Tough Weekend

Kel M

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Hi all,

It's been a very tough weekend. It started off well - Mom came home overnight for a visit and did extraordinarily well. She even took off in her car and went for a drive (which scared the living %^$# out of me). She slept well and handled any anxiety she might have about being away from the hospital with good spirits.

Yesterday, her primary Onc came back from holiday and was catching up on his paperwork at the hospital so he decided to come in and visit Mom. He asked her for a few hugs and then told her that he was sure that the lump on her side (skin/muscle) was linked to SCLC. Mom handled this well and told him that she was still going to Florida. He encouraged her and said that they would get her ready and that he planned on releasing her from the hospital soon (possibly by week's end). So far, so good.

He hadn't been gone for a minute when Mom burst into tears. She said she was fortunate to have such a caring doctor and that she couldn't be luckier for the extra time she'd had. She told me she was running out of time. She could feel the cancer growing in her and that the fight was so hard, she wasn't sure how much longer she could manage to beat it back. Although I haven't been in denial about her condition, the words broke my heart. We wept and held each other for quite some time. It was terribly hard.

I just turned thirty, so I'm not a baby, but I feel like one right now. I'm terribly afraid to be without my Mom. I want to be strong for Mom, but I'm so far out into unknown territory that it's taking everything I have to keep from falling apart. I'll just have to find a way to be more like Mom - stronger than strong. She is such an example of courage and perseverence.

I am extraordinarily grateful for all the extra time we've had together so far (and selfish enough to ask for a little more of it). I hope and pray that what time Mom has left is quality time - peaceful and pain-free and I ask for your support as we make this journey together.


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Kel, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I too went through the same thing with my mom. We left everything up to her and as hard as it was, we respected her wish to let it be put in God's hands. It was so hard to watch my mom in pain and not be able to make it better. The pain meds helped, but it was the thought that she wasn't going to BE HERE sooner or later. We ended up just following her lead, and doing what she wanted. My mom said she was just SO tired of fighting this. That was so hard to hear when all you wanted to say was how dare she give up! Don't you want to be with us! But, then I tried to put myself in her shoes and I understood. She didn't want to just end the struggle for herself, but the suffering and hurt that WE were going through. Hang in there Kel, and take one day at a time, and know that we are here for you!

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I am so very sorry for this. I only wish I could do/say anything to make it all go away. Your post scares me, makes me cry as I know it is just a matter of time before I am in your shoes. I hate this disease. I hate what it does to normal everyday people who do not deserve this. Hell, no one deserves this. I am 42 and I need my momma as much today as I did when I was a baby. we all do, I dont think age makes it easier. You and your mom are in my prayers, and do everything in your power to get her to Florida, make the very most of whatever time you have left with her.

God Bless you


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Kel, I'm so sorry things look so bad for your Mom and there is so much sadness. I think thirty is way too young to lose your mother. I'm 46 and I think I'm way too young to lose mine, which is something I also face along with my husband's cancer.

I don't know what else to say, except to take good care of that dear mom of yours and enjoy the days. you never know what the future holds, including a miracle or a cure.

God Bless,


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