Justakid Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Although after reading some of the posts, I have a lot to be thankful for.....it's the middle of the night. 3:47am, little pain, SOB, scared, alone....you know the usual. Cut my steriod doseage down and the SOB is worse, can't keep up at 40mg a day of prednisone, I have gained so much weight in two weeks part of my SOB could be the weight. Have more pain now in my rib cage, took pain meds cause I have them and maybe I'll be able to fall asleep. Guess I really still can't complain! Just so scared, don't wanna wake up my Husband and don't want to call me Mom, just wanted someone to talk too who would understand. I know ya'll are out there and in a few hours the board will come to life again, wish someone was here to talk to in person but I can deal with typing. Haven't really had a bad night (Upset) in a while so guess it's time for one! I think in my next life (should I be granted one) I want to be a doctor so I can understand what is going on, what can happen next, why, etc. I want to know all the answers next time (well more then I know now). I stopped biting my nails, why does this matter? Who knows other then I'm too old to bite them, they look pretty good in the dim light of the computer flying over the keyboard........of course my fingers look like sausages. I know that looks don't matter and I should be glad that I'm alive, but they do matter right now. I feel that somewhere in this mind/body that I am in there (the old me). The Cancer has made me disappear and I don't like what is left. I'm inside screaming to get out of this huge body and worried mind. Who is this person with short hair, round face and YES finger nails......oh yeah....the new me....the Beth with LC (might I also add NOW stage 4). Gonna try to wake up in the morning with my short hair, round face, lavendar finger nails.....put on my stretch pants and try to find the "old" me that is hanging out somewhere underneath it all. As for now.....I'm gonna go be upset and get it all out before the sun comes up and go back to bed. Thank God I'm not alone and that stretch pants still do fit! Thanks for listening, as usual when I go off on these little episodes of mine. Gonna take a Xanax, I think this might mean I'm having some anxiety! Hope everyone else is having a good night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Beth, I just woke up , as I often do in the middle of the night. Beth, you do sound anxious and depressed, but please don't ignore any pains in your chest or shortness of breath. If you get really worried, wake hubby up. He would want you to wake him up, I'm sure of it. You said you cut down your prednisone. I hope the doctor ok'd that and told you how much to cut down. Mike is on 20 mg. prednisone a day and the doctor tells him never to cut down or stop taking it on his own. Prednisone is one of those drugs you have to gradually go off of if you have been on it a while. I wish I could help. I know Mike has recently been shorter of breath and retaining a lot of fluid plus his blood pressure is rising. The doctor thinks it is due to steroid buildup, but he has been on them for about a year now. They are keeping him on the steroids , but giving him a diuretic. It seemed to start helping by the next day. I hate to suggest anything like this because it's probably not your case at all. Promise me you will wake up hubby. Don't go through this alone. Ok? Take care Beth. We care about you. (((Hugs))), Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted March 6, 2005 Author Share Posted March 6, 2005 Thanks Sue! The doc had told me to cut back to 20mg but if it was too hard to go back to 40mg. I settled for 30mg (I though cutting in half was too harsh), I do notice a difference in the SOB and pain around the ribs at the different levels of steriods (they must be amazing drugs!). The SOB is fine when I sit still or just go to the bathroom or something lightweight. I'm sure part of it is anxiety, when I think too much about everything I have an anxiety attack. I think I may wake up my Husband and see if he wants to watch a DVD with me, guess it better be a comedy! THANKS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Glad you are going to wake hubby. Being anxious all alone will only make it worse. I can certainly understand how you , of all people, might have anxiety . Bless your heart, you've had more than your share to cope with. Hopefully, hubby is awake now. Let us know later how you feel. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 HI, Beth, I am here, too. Wake up hubby, this is part of his job. He would want you to wake him up. Take the anxiety drugs, that is what they are for. And go to the ER if you think there is any danger. Take care of yourself, hon, use those resources. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Beth, hon.....I hope you're asleep now.....sleeping in after being up in the middle of the night. I just wanted to make a suggestion for when your SOB is probably more a matter of anxiety. Try taking in a deeeeeeep, cleansing breath thru your nose......and then slowly letting it out thru your mouth. It helps. As you said, sitting up straight also will help. I have had my moments of anxiety too...although thankfully, not too many of them. But I find that concentrating on breathing like I described above, focuses me on the breathing and helps ease the anxiety a bit. Keeps my mind from going to the scary stuff. Just focusing on that deep cleansing breath which brings us oxygen and calms us. Try it. Can't hurt and just may help. Hang in there...and don't worry about the weight. It'll come off later...but right now you and I and others are better off a few pounds heavy, as opposed to a few light. Gives us more to fight with!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Beth, Hoping you were able to get some sleep. Know my thoughts are right there with you. Haylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Beth, I'm not the one with cancer, and I still get those moments of anxiety. Praying for God's peace and comfort to calm your fears. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Beth, sorry you have had a bad night.Hope your sleeping and or resting now.Hang in there and don't ever hesitate to wake your hubby.He would want you to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NellW Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Hi Beth, I just saw your post from last night. Hoping and praying things are better today and that tonight is a better night Love Nell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 I could just kick myself, there isnt a night that goes by that I am not up at that hour. Usually i am getting ready to leave at 430 to drive my son to work, but last night his gf was in town so she drove him this morning. Anyway, I hope you are doing better today and that tonight will be a much better night for you Love Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 I'm so surprised, Beth, that you had such a bad night, because you looked fantastic last night! OK, I will admit I can see some steroid induced weight gain there, but I still think you look fantastic! and you seemed to have energy . . . so am so surprised to see how crummy you are doing in the middle of the night. I'm so sorry,. wish I'd know, I would have called you from the ER, we had a phone in our little ER room, and we could have talked! hope you are better today, when we talked this morning you didn't mention it but then I didn't give you the chance. I'll try to call you. God bless you, my friend, Karen p.s. take comfort in knowing that you have a husband that adores you, no matter what. I can see it in his eyes. You are everything to him. You are one lucky woman! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 You wanna see steroid induced weight gain...you otta see me. I screamed right through waist sizes 35 and 36 and went right to 38. Everything in my closet shrunk....three suits I can't even zip up. I'm not too tall and now if I fall I just kinda roll around till I run into something. Keep tough pretty lady, better days are ahead....I'm sure of it. Luv jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Beth, For the moment... numbers are the enemy.... okay? Try to take it easy and concentrate on feeling as well as possible. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Beth, youi are a lot stronger and prettier than you think. Hang in there, you will be fine. Hopefully the Docs will get us both sleeping all night long. I sure Curt is jelous that I am sooo romantic. I took my wife out for dinner and then out to an unforgettable evening at the ER. Seriously Beth, hang in there, you can beat this!! Keep a positive attitude. David C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Beth, honey, I hope you got some sleep after you took that xanax. It sure sounded like you needed it last night and that is what they are for. Use them. Did you wake your hubby? If not, do it next time. He would want to help if he can and being with him last night was what you needed. You have way too much on your plate right now to try to handle bad days/nights on your own. The deep breaths and slow exhales will help too. At least it helps me. To do it right you must concentrate on breathing. If you are concentrating on one thing you can't think of others. Know what I mean? Keeping you in my prayers for a better day and night. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
close to the edge Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 the middle of the night is my best time for a mental breakdown somehow during the hectic days it just dosent seam to come on but once i lay down and start to ponder whomp you gotta admit a good cry can sure make you feel better heres hoping today is a better day and tomarrow will be better than that!!!!!!! fondly Ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Beth, Those anxious middle of the night-ers with the steroids and the SOB, I knew I'd be better off in the am... so I read a lot of couldn't -put=em-down mysteries.... Natural biorythms leave one at a natural low (like w/ asthma)at 3-4 am, so you gotta ride it out. I turned a lot of pages. Took a lot of warm baths, to try to relax the muscles. It all helped. The steroids do get one tied in knots. Prayers, kiddo.... XOXOXOX MayAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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