Justakid Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Although after reading some of the posts, I have a lot to be thankful for.....it's the middle of the night. 3:47am, little pain, SOB, scared, alone....you know the usual. Cut my steriod doseage down and the SOB is worse, can't keep up at 40mg a day of prednisone, I have gained so much weight in two weeks part of my SOB could be the weight. Have more pain now in my rib cage, took pain meds cause I have them and maybe I'll be able to fall asleep. Guess I really still can't complain! Just so scared, don't wanna wake up my Husband and don't want to call me Mom, just wanted someone to talk too who would understand. I know ya'll are out there and in a few hours the board will come to life again, wish someone was here to talk to in person but I can deal with typing. Haven't really had a bad night (Upset) in a while so guess it's time for one! I think in my next life (should I be granted one) I want to be a doctor so I can understand what is going on, what can happen next, why, etc. I want to know all the answers next time (well more then I know now). I stopped biting my nails, why does this matter? Who knows other then I'm too old to bite them, they look pretty good in the dim light of the computer flying over the keyboard........of course my fingers look like sausages. I know that looks don't matter and I should be glad that I'm alive, but they do matter right now. I feel that somewhere in this mind/body that I am in there (the old me). The Cancer has made me disappear and I don't like what is left. I'm inside screaming to get out of this huge body and worried mind. Who is this person with short hair, round face and YES finger nails......oh yeah....the new me....the Beth with LC (might I also add NOW stage 4). Gonna try to wake up in the morning with my short hair, round face, lavendar finger nails.....put on my stretch pants and try to find the "old" me that is hanging out somewhere underneath it all. As for now.....I'm gonna go be upset and get it all out before the sun comes up and go back to bed. Thank God I'm not alone and that stretch pants still do fit! Thanks for listening, as usual when I go off on these little episodes of mine. Gonna take a Xanax, I think this might mean I'm having some anxiety! Hope everyone else is having a good night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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