niececola Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Hi, My mom's 61st birthday would have been tomorrow. The past few weeks have been particularly tough, I am working a lot of hours and I have started to realize that my preoccupation with other things has prevented me from thinking about the loss of my mom. But just when I start to worry that I am in denial, the truth sneaks up and leaves me in puddles. So, I am dreading tomorrow, because I still can not believe she is not here. I don't care right now that she is no longer suffering, because we are and I am angry. All my mom wanted to do was make it past 61 years old, the age her mom died, and she didn't and that is so unfair, unfair for her, unfair for us and all those that loved her. And I am supposed to believe that God needed another angel and he now has my mom? She suffered her whole life and had finally found some peace, only to be stuck down with LC and die 11 months later? Having a very hard time right now understanding God's big plan in all of this. So, I will try once again to think of my blessings, but right now they are hard to come up with. I am happy for my Dad and brother and LCSC, but right now all I want is my mom. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Dear Denise, First I am sending you a big hug. I am sorry for your pain, because unfortunately I know it all too well. I too have a lot of anger. Some days seem "fine" and then it all comes rearing its ugly head leaving me crying. My mom's birthday was in January and it was a difficult day for me. I can't believe she isn't here...I miss her hugs, our long talks, time together and her maternal love. I wish I had answers for you, I wish I had answers for me. So I am here for you while we muddle through this awful thing called grief. Love, Andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Denise, Sending you huge hugs, it is so unfair. I don't know why g-d chose to take your mom. Someone at work told me that they believe g-d does not give one more than they can handle. I am not sure where my beliefs lay on that. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I love you my dear sister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I just wanted to offer up another (((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) for you. I know how you feel and I agree that it's all really hard to accept, regardless of how much we want to. Katie is right. If you had one more year, you would have wanted another. I sometimes think about having one more day and what it would have been like, When I really think about this it makes me realize that one more day would have made no difference, in my case. There would have been one more day of pain and suffering...for our entire family. It was so hard for us to see Dennis in such pain and so far away from us even before death took him. I think you should do something very special to honor your dear Mom's birthday. Do something that both of you would have enjoyed. Just because she is gone from sight physically, she'll still know what you are doing. I believe this with all my heart! I'm praying that things will become easier for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 add me to the group hug. Its an awful hole that just can't be filled. I get that same anger and non-understanding feeling. Why our parents? I can't answer that either. I too live trying to get to the next minute and then day. I still have allot of anger, and pain and I keep waiting for the joy to return or a smile to come easily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I'm sorry Denise..I am still trying to figure it out too..Wish I had the words to help you get through today...I'll send some prayers your way and hope you feel better tomorrow...The firsts are so hard..XO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Another HUG for you, and will be thinking of you tomorrow. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Birthdays are always hard. I can so relate to the things that you say. I can be doing so well caught up in the everyday battle to survive. Then as I have often said "like a freight train out of nowhere" it hits me and I feel like someone has kicked the wind out of me. March 15th would have been Johnny's 72nd birthday. Like your mom he had suffered so much in his life, emotional pain. Just when he had a chance to finally be happy the monster struck and within 5 months he was gone. I do want to feel that he is in a much better place(I do know that) but I am still trying to handle the hole left in my life. There is a song that came out several years ago. The name of that song is "One more day". It tells the story of a man who dreams that he is granted a wish and asks for just one more day with his love. He talks about all they would do for that one day but at the end of the song it says "but I know what it would do. Leave me wishing still for one more day with you". I know only too well how true that is. Ten life times could never be enough to stop me from wishing for one more day I feel your pain and understand your anger. God knows that I question the crule way fate can work in our lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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