Jump to content

Mom's Birthday


niececola

Recommended Posts

Hi,

My mom's 61st birthday would have been tomorrow. The past few weeks have been particularly tough, I am working a lot of hours and I have started to realize that my preoccupation with other things has prevented me from thinking about the loss of my mom. But just when I start to worry that I am in denial, the truth sneaks up and leaves me in puddles. So, I am dreading tomorrow, because I still can not believe she is not here. I don't care right now that she is no longer suffering, because we are and I am angry. All my mom wanted to do was make it past 61 years old, the age her mom died, and she didn't and that is so unfair, unfair for her, unfair for us and all those that loved her. And I am supposed to believe that God needed another angel and he now has my mom? She suffered her whole life and had finally found some peace, only to be stuck down with LC and die 11 months later? Having a very hard time right now understanding God's big plan in all of this.

So, I will try once again to think of my blessings, but right now they are hard to come up with. I am happy for my Dad and brother and LCSC, but right now all I want is my mom. :cry:

Denise

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Denise,

I'm so sorry.

I wished for your mom to make it too. It IS unfair. Had she made it to 61, you would have asked for 62...you know that. Had she made it to 99, you would have wanted 100...it's true. It's because they are our parents, and we loved them so...and we want and need them here. If it were up to us, we'd want them forever. It IS unfair. My dad had taken an early retirement to "enjoy" things early with my mom.....and BOOM less than a year later..before any plans or trips or dreams could come true...he was dx'd. I don't know what God's plan is either. I have had to stop wondering...it drives you crazy. We will know it one day I guess.

I completely understand working like mad to stiffle the grief...I have done that for 18 months now. It still creeps up no matter how I try to hide.

You're right. The best way to muddle thru is to try to count your blessings, try to remember happier times and memories and try to fill your life with little joys that can get you thru the days.

I can't tell you when it gets "better" or when we adjust to this new life without our parent, or if we ever do. I can just let you know that I understand and will be here for you when you have a day or days like today. We are here for you.

Sending you a cyber hug....I know your mom will be on your mind tomorrow, but don't forget she's always with you in your heart and soul.

((HUG))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Denise,

First I am sending you a big hug. I am sorry for your pain, because unfortunately I know it all too well. I too have a lot of anger. Some days seem "fine" and then it all comes rearing its ugly head leaving me crying. My mom's birthday was in January and it was a difficult day for me. I can't believe she isn't here...I miss her hugs, our long talks, time together and her maternal love. I wish I had answers for you, I wish I had answers for me. So I am here for you while we muddle through this awful thing called grief.

Love,

Andrea

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Denise,

Sending you huge hugs, it is so unfair. I don't know why g-d chose to take your mom. Someone at work told me that they believe g-d does not give one more than they can handle. I am not sure where my beliefs lay on that. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I love you my dear sister

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just wanted to offer up another (((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) for you. I know how you feel and I agree that it's all really hard to accept, regardless of how much we want to. Katie is right. If you had one more year, you would have wanted another. I sometimes think about having one more day and what it would have been like, When I really think about this it makes me realize that one more day would have made no difference, in my case. There would have been one more day of pain and suffering...for our entire family. It was so hard for us to see Dennis in such pain and so far away from us even before death took him. I think you should do something very special to honor your dear Mom's birthday. Do something that both of you would have enjoyed. Just because she is gone from sight physically, she'll still know what you are doing. I believe this with all my heart! I'm praying that things will become easier for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

add me to the group hug. Its an awful hole that just can't be filled. I get that same anger and non-understanding feeling.

Why our parents? I can't answer that either. I too live trying to get to the next minute and then day. I still have allot of anger, and pain and I keep waiting for the joy to return or a smile to come easily.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Birthdays are always hard. I can so relate to the things that you say. I can be doing so well caught up in the everyday battle to survive. Then as I have often said "like a freight train out of nowhere" it hits me and I feel like someone has kicked the wind out of me. March 15th would have been Johnny's 72nd birthday. Like your mom he had suffered so much in his life, emotional pain. Just when he had a chance to finally be happy the monster struck and within 5 months he was gone. I do want to feel that he is in a much better place(I do know that) but I am still trying to handle the hole left in my life.

There is a song that came out several years ago. The name of that song is "One more day". It tells the story of a man who dreams that he is granted a wish and asks for just one more day with his love. He talks about all they would do for that one day but at the end of the song it says "but I know what it would do. Leave me wishing still for one more day with you". I know only too well how true that is. Ten life times could never be enough to stop me from wishing for one more day :!:

I feel your pain and understand your anger. God knows that I question the crule way fate can work in our lives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.