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Quantas Airlines...this is too good not to share..

cindi o'h

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Airplane Deficiencies.

After every flight, Quantas airline pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics problems with the aircraft. the mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some of the complaints submitted to maintenance and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


P=The problem logged by the pilot

S=The solution and action taken by the mechanic.

P: Left inside tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside tire.

P: Test flight okay, exept auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause levers to stick.

S: That is what they are there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Number three engine missing.

S: Number three engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft flies funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, be serious and fly right.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel... Sounds like a midget is pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.


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